Air Bud
Internet Superstar
Some plants even masturbate into their own vaginas in order to reproduce.
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Posts: 6785 (0.987)
Reg. Date: Sep 2001
Location: TEH INTARNET!
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(Originally posted on: 05-17-02 08:36:58 PM)
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Yes. It's true. I am enlisting in the Army.
Lately, I’ve been growing bored of my life here in Indiana. I would wake up every morning and go to school, go to work, or just sit around on my ass and read threads at forums. All the while, waiting impatiently for the day that I might escape the boredom and excel into greater things. Well, a few weeks ago, after quitting my job at Wendy’s and attending my last day of school for the Spring 2002 semester, I came to the realization that I need to do something with my life.
Surely for some, doing something with their life would involve finishing high school, going to college, then getting a job and working that job for thirty-to-forty years until they retire and finally start gardening, collecting miniature figurines, and bitching about how much they hate their life and wish they could start over and do things differently. Well, I was quite on that path, until I decided that college just wasn’t doing it for me. I would go to class, take notes, come home, and just sit on my ass and never even think about doing homework or studying. Then I would wake up the next day and flip fucking burgers for five hours straight, come home, and sit on my ass and never even think about doing homework or studying. All in all, college and working a dead end job just wasn’t keeping my interests.
In effect, I sat down for a few days and contemplated what I was going to do with my life. I needed a job, but didn’t want to work. I needed money, but didn’t want to earn it. I needed something to do, but I wasn’t motivated enough to look for it. Eventually, one day I was at Denny’s with Sarah, when one of my friends, Brian, came in and informed me that he was enlisting in the Army. The odd thing is that before he had ventured in and told me this, I had previously mentioned to Sarah the possibility of going into the Army, if I found myself still working at Wendy’s in a few months time and still finding myself bored with school. A few days later, I quit my job at Wendy’s and school ended.
I had come to the point where I needed to act. I needed to do something drastic in order to get my ass into gear, so I contacted Brian and set up an appointment to talk to the Army recruiter and take the ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Academic Battery), which you need to take, so that you can be placed into a job of your choice and qualification. I took the test and scored an 87 out of a possible 99. The average score on the test is a 30.
Now, before you start making the assumption that I am leaving for the Army, because I “just don’t know what else to do” or some lame, bullshit excuse that flunkies make up when they enlist directly out of high school, you must realize that ever since I was a kid, I had fantasized about going into the military in order to pursue a career in Military Intelligence or the FBI. Thus making a decision such as joining the military is not the type of decision that just popped into my head on a whim.
In fact, even in the closing months of my senior year of high school, I was so assured that I would be going into the military that I did not even apply to any colleges. It wasn’t until I got a phone call from the DeVry Institute of Putrid Shit that I decided to give college a chance and see how I liked it (after all, why go into the military to pay for college, when I wasn’t even sure if I’d like college?), thus I decided to go to DeVry. That lasted a few months, until I dropped out and moved back home. As such, I was planning on enlisting then, yet due to circumstance, I decided to go to Purdue and continue college. Things were going well, until last semester, when I dropped two classes and pretty much failed the other two classes that I didn’t drop.
I realize that a lot of you are going to criticize me on my decision to enlist in the Army, due to your adamant beliefs that I’d be selling out or some stupid shit like that, but I am not doing this to please you guys. I am doing this for my family and myself. You see; I am in debt to DeVry for a large sum of money that I took out in loans to pay for living expenses and schooling, thus enlisting in the Army will help clear those debts and help my family and myself regain financial stability. Not to mention, help me regain the motivation that I currently lack.
Do not think that due to my departure that this site will go under and cease to exist. That is just plain wrong. This site will continue to stay up and exist, even though I will be gone. I have recently appointed pussinboots, PsychoRabbit, and Flaming Arrow as administrators, so that they will be able to run the site in my absence. While I am gone, my mother will be paying the server costs with the money I earn while serving in the Army. Yet even though I will be gone, I will not be gone forever. Once I get out of basic training and get into advanced training, I will have access to the Internet on sporadic occasions.
I don’t know exactly when I will be leaving, but I am aiming toward mid-to-late July. So yeah, if you have any questions or comments to make, feel free to do so, but I would appreciate it if you would at least attempt to respect the decision I have made, since more than likely you are not fully accustomed to the comings-and-goings of my life, nor do any of you understand the financial and motivational problems that I face. I am not asking you to like my decision, but merely respect it, for it is a decision that I have made on my own accord.
"Some people turn to drugs such as heroin or cocaine for their brain-wasting, body-killing, soul-destroying effects. Others turn to religion for its brain-wasting, body-killing, soul-destroying effects."
- Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka, Something Awful
This reply was last edited on 05-17-02 11:53:32 PM by Air Bud.
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