Contest ~ write the best triolet



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Mojo
Velocity BITCH

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I've noticed a lot of good writing being posted and a lot of forum people expressing the urge to do some writing. I've read a pretty good ways back in the Gallery, so forgive me for saying so, but some of the assignments you guys have been given by various teachers and classes have been pretty lame.

If you're up to it, I'd like anybody at all to take a stab at the following form of poetry. No rules except the rules of the form, which are:

Triolet:
an eight-line stanza having just two rhymes and repeating the first line as the fourth and seventh lines, and the second line as the eighth.

An example is W. E. Henley's "Easy is the Triolet"

side note ### There are zillions of triolets about writing triolets. Personally, I don't mind poems about the process of writing. I think it's cool when poets and writers can kick back and take a poke at themselves, rant at publishers or critics, etc. The only thing I ask is that it's done well. In case I haven't mentioned, there are zillions of triolets about writing, so I like when one comes along and knocks my socks off. (For the record, I think Henley's is sort of average and predictable, don't you think?) Still, it's a great example of a triolet with the alternating rhymes and the one fixed line that must be placed at intervals throughout the poem.

EASY is the Triolet,
If you really learn to make it!
Once a neat refrain you get,
Easy is the Triolet.
As you see!--I pay my debt
With another rhyme. Deuce take it,
Easy is the Triolet,
If you really learn to make it!

William Ernest Henley

Go ahead and move this to the stupid thread if it's just to heinous to live, but otherwise I think it would be cool to see you all challenge yourselves to this. By the way, it's my policy everywhere to not participate in my own contests.

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

Vervet
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It's not stupid at all. I'll be sure to attempt participation.

I dream of the bear. Once again, it shambles out of the forest. Once again, it lumbers towards me. But this time, although I am wet with fear, my fear has a different quality, and I realize that either I do not expect the encounter will kill me or I don't mind the thought of dying quite as much as I once did.
Again the bear bends over me. But instead of licking me, it opens its jaws over my face, so wide that my whole head is inside its mouth and I am looking down the dark tunnel of its throat. I feel its teeth meet through my neck, and I know it has bitten off my head. But when it lifts its mouth from my empty shoulders, I can see the world as well as ever - in fact, things have a lucidity I had never before imagined, and I think, What an effort it was to have to lug my head around with me for so long.

old.jimmy
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*Caution: if dizziness occurs, discontinue use of the triolet immediately and see a physician.*

omg, i'm so lolol.
chambraigne: shampoo for your hair AND your brain.
our scars have the power to remind us that the past was real.
no matter how beautiful she is, somebody somewhere is sick of her shit.

Mojo
Velocity BITCH

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Check this out for an old thread that I save in my writing files under "instructional resources and glossary terms."

http://www.alsopreview.com/discus/messages/185/6821.html?

It's a fun thread that happened a few years ago when the place was really full of interesting poets.

~~~~~~~~

P.S. Plus for both you guys, but I have to wait for a few days to give ya yours again, Vervet. *

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

This reply was last edited on 01-02-03 02:41:06 AM by Mojo.

old.jimmy
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I'm no poet, but here's one for shits and giggles.

If that's the worst that she can do,
I'll take my pill and swallow.
I've earned my sentence, paid my due,
If that's the worst that she can do.
My mem'ry set to bid adieu,
In dark no longer wallow,
If that's the worst that she can do,
I'll take my pill and swallow.

*edit*

found the word i was looking for.

If that's the worst that she can do,
I'll take my pill and swallow.
I've served my sentence, paid my due,
If that's the worst that she can do.
My mem'ry set to bid adieu
In dark no longer wallow,
If that's the worst that she can do,
I'll take my pill and swallow.

This reply was last edited on 01-08-03 06:33:39 AM by old.jimmy.

Mojo
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Not postcounting, but dude, you fucking rock. (Cover Baggy Brad's ears, someone, he gets traumatized when I swear. I have a plan to win him over with candy and Magic The Gathering cards, later, and take advantage of his state of vulnerability. *wink* but that would be wrong).

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

old.jimmy
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Quoted from Mojo:
Not postcounting, but dude, you fucking rock. (Cover Baggy Brad's ears, someone, he gets traumatized when I swear. I have a plan to win him over with candy and Magic The Gathering cards, later, and take advantage of his state of vulnerability. *wink* but that would be wrong).

ma'am, you must really have a thing for bad poetry. thank you once again.

emtilt

the cow of horses

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Ah, this is a great idea. Will be posting mine later on. Have you set a deadline when they must be posted by?

Mojo
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No, I haven't thought of it in terms of deadlines, mostly because I know that sometimes it takes an intriguing idea a few days to bounce around in my head, you know? I assume that if it's like that for me, it's probably the same for other creative people, so taking a few days to even get a contest like this going might be a good idea. Plus, a lot of people don't think much about writing until they're home from work, school, date, granny's, etc. It might be something that someone might get inspired to try later on after the "contest" part is over; hey, I'm all about that.
Maybe the forum moderator(s) *hint* could be responsible for setting a decent timeline or separate voting thread later on, after everybody gets back into life after the holidays?

I can't wait to read more of your entries. One thing I would like to specify is that you can and should use the "edit" button at any time up until the deadline closes, if you think of a way to change your poem which will make you happier. Multiple entries are fine, too, since the poll feature seems to hold a lot of spaces for entries.

Thanks again, I'm really enjoying the creativity I'm seeing!

Warm regards,
Mojo

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

Mojo
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Jimmy, so far you're winning by default.

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

old.jimmy
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Quoted from Mojo:
Jimmy, so far you're winning by default.

could be worse: i could be in second.

Mojo
Velocity BITCH

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We could have two categories: those who entered and those who thought about it for a few minutes. So far, Jimmy's the clear leader in the "Entry Actually Written" category, although it's a slugfest between Vervet and emtilt in the "I Said I'd Enter But It Got Away From Me" contest.

Cue the announcer: "It's a Battle Royale here at Madison Square Gardens, where two unmotivated poets prepare to duke it out for who claims the title of the most unmotivated but well-intentioned of them all..." (crowd cheers)

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

Lovely Insanity

Insane Love

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Observing with wonder and grace,
A child views the world as a toy.
Curiosity written all over her face,
observing with wonder and grace.
In a grand yet imaginary place,
Built for her eyes only to enjoy.
Observing with wonder and grace,
A child views the world as a toy.

I'm not sure if I did that right, it's my first try.

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I can’t stop passing gas. Luckily, my farts don’t smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted twice since I’ve been here in your office, but you didn’t even notice."

"I can help you," says the doc. "Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week, the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don’t know what you gave me, but now my farts reek."

The doctor says, "Good, we fixed your sinuses! Now let’s work on your hearing."

Mojo
Velocity BITCH

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Great entry! Thanks for this terrific poem. It's fun to try with a new form, isn't it?

Jimmy, you have competition. So far, emtilt and Vervet are neck-and-neck for the other category!

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

Magus

Benze and I should have a sad-off

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Let's see... I'll try my best at this.

No one can comprehend
Whatever pain I feel inside me!
I've never tasted true happiness or victory from Nike.
No one can comprehend
How slavery is conforming
to the guidelines of thee
No one can comprehend
Whatever pain I feel inside me!

It's probably not very good... it's the first time I've used this form, and I need to refresh my poetic skills a bit.

Well, well, well... Magus finally has free time to post!

Mojo
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Hey, Magus,

Thanks for writing one! Feel free to edit until you're happy, or even try a couple more. I tried to give you +1, but I forgot I already did it earlier in the week.

I think it's phenomenal that people are willing to give it a shot. Thanks again!

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

old.jimmy
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this one scares me. i don't necessarily like what it says. more specifically, i don't like that these thoughts are anywhere near my brain. it's another one of those that just comes from nowhere.

Hand me the knife.
Give me a reason.
I'll fix my own life,
Just hand me the knife.
An end to all strife,
No more killing season.
So hand me the knife,
and give me a reason.

i took the refrain from a counting crows song on this one. i know, i know...it's unoriginal, but it popped into my head while i was listening to it and i figured what the hell...

We were perfect when we started,
I've been wondering where we've gone.
Rocky paths we now have parted,
We were perfect when we started.
Now ourselves we've done outsmarted,
And that tingle lingers on.
But we were perfect when we started,
I've been wondering where we've gone.

well, here's a third because i can't sleep and it just popped into my mind. i sat down to write one and two more just popped out.

It was angry old September,
When I knew it all was doomed.
What, you say you don't remember?
It was angry old September.
We held tight to that last ember,
"Maybe fire'll once more bloom."
It was angry old September,
And I knew it all was doomed.

...and i don't even care anyfuckingmore.

peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Quoted from Mojo:

Maybe the forum moderator(s) *hint* could be responsible for setting a decent timeline or separate voting thread later on, after everybody gets back into life after the holidays?

Hey, no problem. It's funny because I skimmed this thread until I just noticed that something referred to me *blushes*.
Anyway, if you want me to make a vote thread as soon as there are enough poems to have a real voting thread, then sure. Or, I can promise you that if you make a voting thread that I can sticky it. You can make polls, too.

As far as the poetry, I'm really excited. Congratulations Mojo on tapping into the poetry talents of a few forummers who go unnoticed around here (I'm looking at you, Jimmy LOL IM SUCH A FAG!!

) You're triolets are AWESOME. As for me, I can't say I've given a decent effort into it, I'm a bit scared, considering how I'm always so freestyle in my work, the strictness of the style intimidates me. But hey, it's all a learning process, right? Anyway, awesome jobs so far, guys.

Baggy_Brad says: I woke up this afternoon and my room smelt like semen
Witty Tirade: I could do it for both sexes, too.
Pussinboots/dramamine: I'll do whatever you want for as long as you like for $30.

Magus

Benze and I should have a sad-off

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Hey, thanks Mojo. i'm a serial-killer :)

I probably won't edit that one, since it really has no more signifigant potential, but I'll try to write a couple more this weekend if I have any time. Hopefully I'll get some better ones up.

Well, well, well... Magus finally has free time to post!

PR
INTL Alumni
oh

Bassists never get no love, man.

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Build a pyre and burn it all,
Leave behind no sign or trace.
Like bundled leaves in bitter Fall,
Build a pyre and burn it all.
Marks of soot line your graven face
As the world is draped with violet pall.
Build a pyre and burn it all
Leave behind no sign or trace.

EDIT - And for what it's worth, your jauns is hot, Jimmy.

Where can I turn for comfort? Where do the cold days end?
Where has the sunshine gone? Where do our two hearts blend?
Where has love gone and hidden? Where must I go to find?
The more I shun romance, the more love is defined.

Tyr

I cybered with Kayte

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I fucking love Jimmy's September. It's golden, it makes me feel like an old man is telling it to me. I don't know how else to describe it.

Also, I like PR's. Nordic background knowledge, awesome plus great. Excellent job, comrades.

Moribus antiquis res stat Romana virisque[/w]
[w]Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

old.jimmy
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until i know for sure what the hell a jauns is, i'm going to say thanks to everyone. glad you liked them.

...and i don't even care anyfuckingmore.

Melanie
Banned for having ideals.

I boned Sandamnit

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Wow Jim, those are really awesome. I even had to get this special smilie for them, *surprised*.

Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly

Mojo
Velocity BITCH

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Agreed, these are all terrific. Who's next?

"Give me the luxuries of life and I can do without some of the necessities."
-Evelyn Waugh

Mysteriousbynature8811

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Here it goes:

True loves embrace
For I have it no more
No longer shown on your face
True loves embrace
Just disappeared without trace
You left me broken and sore
True loves embrace
For I have it no more

Note: This was my first time ever writing this type of poetry so I invite your criticism. Please tell me what you really think of it.

"One day you'll come to me and ask me what's more important: You or my life. I'll say my life and you'll walk away never knowing that you're my life."

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