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Amphytrite
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(Originally posted on: 07-27-08 03:07:07 PM)
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Hay guys

Most of you know I went to school in northern Virginia, love DC, etc. but live in upstate South Carolina. I came home to the farm after graduating in May and very shortly thereafter, my mother was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease similar to lupus. She has been having a difficult time with it, because the disease has attacked her knee and some days it's hard for her to even walk from her bed to the kitchen, let alone go out to the barn to take care of the horses and do the other chores the property demands. My dad works hard taking care of things outside, but he doesn't know nearly as much as my mom and I do about equine care. And since my mom can't really do what she used to, I've taken over the stable management aspect of the farm.

In my free time, I've been trying to find a job in DC, but have had little to no luck. A very good friend of mine works in Alexandria, right outside the city, and I was talking to her today. She knows I'm having a hard time finding openings up there, and she mentioned that the law firm where she works is expanding/hiring and that she'd be more than willing to drop off my resume, give me a solid recommendation, whatever else, & they'd very likely call me within a week to at least set up an interview. She's mostly happy with her job (patent law...not the most thrilling), and after many many questions, I believe I'd be fairly happy there for a few years while I save up money to return to South Carolina for grad school.

The problem I have is my mom. She and I both had a very hard time with the move from Jersey here, and while I was at school she struggled with depression and loneliness. After the autoimmune took hold of her, she got even worse. It's currently a day-by-day situation, sometimes she does well and feels okay and other times it's a struggle. My dad...tries, I guess, but he's not a very interactive dude. I don't want to leave without knowing my mom's doing okay--she has an appointment to discuss her prognosis & ensuing treatment in August. I'm considering waiting until after her appointment to decide if I should apply for the job, but I don't want the opportunity to pass me by while we wait.

There are many other details involved in my moving (like not having a place to live, no furniture, a cat, a very small professional wardrobe, a geriatric horse), but my mom is really the biggest worry. This is by no means a permanent move, but once I'm there, I'll be there for at least two years, if not more. I can't decide what to do--I want to be in DC, but I feel like I need to be here. I have tried to find somewhere to work in Cowpens, but it simply is not going to happen. The job market here is absolutely shot. I'm asking your advice because I'm trying to get every angle I can out of it to make the most informed decision possible.

tl;dr: My mom's sick but I want to move to DC.

So INTL, what should I do? Wait it out? Stay here? Bite the bullet and leave? Help MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
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Reply 1 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 03:18:17 PM)
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I think you shouldn't leave your mother for some crappy 2-year adventure with a boring job you might or might not get. You'll have plenty of time to move during or after grad school.
đonne onwŠcne­ eft wineleas guma, gesih­ him biforan fealwe wegas, ba■ian brimfuglas, brŠdan fe■ra, hreosan hrim ond snaw hagle gemenged. Ůonne beo­ ■y hefigran heortan benne, sare Šfter swŠsne. Sorg bi­ geniwad ■onne maga gemynd mod geondhweorfe­, grete­ gliwstafum, georne geondsceawa­ secga geseldan; swimma­ oft on weg. Fleotendra fer­ no ■Šr fela bringe­ cu­ra cwidegiedda.
The Wanderer, l. 45-55a
Amphytrite
Hard for Drah

I don't really even like hearing about it or reading about it

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Reply 2 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 04:05:14 PM)
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Quoted from Sukkit:
I think you shouldn't leave your mother for some crappy 2-year adventure with a boring job you might or might not get.

I'm all but guaranteed the job, which is more than I've gotten here. One of the things I worry about is going into grad school with no money for the inevitable thousands of dollars I'll have to pay in supplies, on top of everything else.
<mmac> do you ever have time to sit back and revel in your coolness?
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Reply 3 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 05:14:56 PM)
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Why not try and get a job in Spartanburg or Greenville? Bigger towns and they're much closer than Virginia.
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I bring forth the ancient evil,
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I awaken armageddon,
Feeding on a thousand souls.
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Reply 4 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 05:40:40 PM)
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I'm glad you're keeping all your options are. You already know what I think of this, but here are a couple of things:

1) I think that once you know your mum's prognosis it will be a lot clearer what you should do. As of right now, you don't even know what it is that is exactly wrong. Maybe it will be chronic, may be it will get better, or god forbid, may be it will get worse. When you know that (next month, right?) a lot of the fog will lift.

2) Is there anyway you could combine school, a job...something/anything...while taking care of you mom? Does USC have campuses closer to Cowpens than Columbia? I am sure they do -- USC has 8 campuses across the state. If you go to a closer one, you could actually do something for yourself while playing the role of dutiful daughter.
<<<<<amphy; next week: sunny; week after: kayte; pm me if you want to be in the loop MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
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Reply 5 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 07:12:06 PM)
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suck it up and stick around for a bit and see what happens. if she gets better leave, if not you wont regret yourself.
Tackle 'em all. Let the referee sort it out later.
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Reply 6 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 09:21:27 PM)
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tough call, would you be able to visit often or anything?
Amphytrite
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Reply 7 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 10:00:18 PM)
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Quoted from Aquilo:
Why not try and get a job in Spartanburg or Greenville? Bigger towns and they're much closer than Virginia.

I should have mentioned how much I hate the south. Technically I do live in Spartanburg, but on the far eastern edge--almost in the next county over--and finding a job anywhere in the actual city will require either moving to another neighbourhood or driving up to 45 minutes to get to work. Same with Greenville, except into the city is an hour drive once you're on the interstate. Either way, if I'm looking for anything more than a minimum wage job (which is what I'm looking for), I'm going to have to move off the property.
Quoted from BB:
2) Is there anyway you could combine school, a job...something/anything...while taking care of you mom? Does USC have campuses closer to Cowpens than Columbia? I am sure they do -- USC has 8 campuses across the state. If you go to a closer one, you could actually do something for yourself while playing the role of dutiful daughter.

a) creepy
b) USC does have a satellite school in Spartanburg, but doesn't offer any graduate courses. There is another school here that offers graduate courses, but nothing remotely near what I want to study. I feel like it isn't worth just going to take classes and learn more if I can't use it, and getting my MM or MAT "in the meantime" does not define worth it.
Quoted from Hoff:
tough call, would you be able to visit often or anything?

Not very. Certainly for holidays and whatnot, but DC is about a 7 hour drive from here. I'd never move anywhere where I couldn't be home within a day. Physically I could visit every weekend (it'd be draining), but especially with the cost of gas I don't see it happening more than maybe once a month.

NEWS FLASH
My mom can now bend her leg to a 45 degree angle. She couldn't do this last week. Hopefully this is a good sign!
<mmac> do you ever have time to sit back and revel in your coolness?
Ballsack 5.0

i'd like to see a pic of ice's duck

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Reply 8 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 10:27:02 PM)
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Quoted from Ampitheatre:

Quoted from BB:
2) Is there anyway you could combine school, a job...something/anything...while taking care of you mom? Does USC have campuses closer to Cowpens than Columbia? I am sure they do -- USC has 8 campuses across the state. If you go to a closer one, you could actually do something for yourself while playing the role of dutiful daughter.

a) creepy
b) USC does have a satellite school in Spartanburg, but doesn't offer any graduate courses. There is another school here that offers graduate courses, but nothing remotely near what I want to study. I feel like it isn't worth just going to take classes and learn more if I can't use it, and getting my MM or MAT "in the meantime" does not define worth it.



a) not creepy!

b) Hmm. Columbia is pretty far from Cowpens (#1), according to Google Maps. I guess commuting isn't realistic.

I guess the idea of school is a moot point since you're not sure you even want to go back to school. If you decide that is your goal, then you can worry about how to make it work. But, first, I guess you have to decide whether it's what you want.

(ps you said you can teach. that's not a minimum wage job. why not teach in cowpens or a nearby city?)

And, yay! Maybe her T cells finally are understanding that her body isn't a pathogen MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
etymxris
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Reply 9 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-27-08 10:41:40 PM)
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Get a place with two bedrooms and have your mother come up and stay with you whenever she gets depressed.
mmac
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Reply 10 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 01:07:23 AM)
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I do honestly hope that all is well with your mother soon.

The idea about a second bedroom may be nice, but I don't think that she could drive 500 miles if she can't walk 15.
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Reply 11 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 07:55:08 AM)
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i don't feel that I owe my parents SHIT and neither should you feel that you do
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Reply 12 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 07:58:39 AM)
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Quoted from Ampitheatre:
Quoted from Sukkit:
I think you shouldn't leave your mother for some crappy 2-year adventure with a boring job you might or might not get.

I'm all but guaranteed the job, which is more than I've gotten here. One of the things I worry about is going into grad school with no money for the inevitable thousands of dollars I'll have to pay in supplies, on top of everything else.

I noticed you didn't have anything to say about the "crappy" and "boring" bits. Even if you're guaranteed the job, it doesn't sound like it's worth it, at least until you're sure you can't get anything closer to where you live.
đonne onwŠcne­ eft wineleas guma, gesih­ him biforan fealwe wegas, ba■ian brimfuglas, brŠdan fe■ra, hreosan hrim ond snaw hagle gemenged. Ůonne beo­ ■y hefigran heortan benne, sare Šfter swŠsne. Sorg bi­ geniwad ■onne maga gemynd mod geondhweorfe­, grete­ gliwstafum, georne geondsceawa­ secga geseldan; swimma­ oft on weg. Fleotendra fer­ no ■Šr fela bringe­ cu­ra cwidegiedda.
The Wanderer, l. 45-55a
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Reply 13 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 08:13:52 AM)
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i dunno, solution could be: cyborg mom
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Reply 14 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 08:30:35 AM)
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or an amphy clone could do the trick
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Reply 15 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 01:02:22 PM)
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If you take the job over helping out your mom you are sad person.

Family is important above all else.
ôYou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?ö - Chris Rock
Ballsack 5.0

i'd like to see a pic of ice's duck

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Reply 16 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 01:17:20 PM)
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Quoted from Nickolati:
If you take the job over helping out your mom you are sad person.


Judging people you've never met in situations you don't fully understand is fun and exciting i'm a serial-killer :)
Nickolati
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Reply 17 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 01:19:02 PM)
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Quoted from Ballsack 5.0:
Quoted from Nickolati:
If you take the job over helping out your mom you are sad person.


Judging people you've never met in situations you don't fully understand is fun and exciting i'm a serial-killer :)


If you can't count on your family, who can you count on? If it were me in the situation, I would stay close to home. What choice she makes, she has to live with.
ôYou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?ö - Chris Rock
Pertti Susilainen
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Reply 18 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 01:19:15 PM)
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There are hints in the OP that suggest Amphy is somewhat inclined to agree with Nickolati, though.
đonne onwŠcne­ eft wineleas guma, gesih­ him biforan fealwe wegas, ba■ian brimfuglas, brŠdan fe■ra, hreosan hrim ond snaw hagle gemenged. Ůonne beo­ ■y hefigran heortan benne, sare Šfter swŠsne. Sorg bi­ geniwad ■onne maga gemynd mod geondhweorfe­, grete­ gliwstafum, georne geondsceawa­ secga geseldan; swimma­ oft on weg. Fleotendra fer­ no ■Šr fela bringe­ cu­ra cwidegiedda.
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Reply 19 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 01:19:17 PM)
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Quoted from etymxris:
Get a place with two bedrooms and have your mother come up and stay with you whenever she gets depressed.


obviously the most logical solution yet.

i think it's sad when children feel obligated to care for their parents, never having a chance to do what they're supposed to do - fly the coop and make a life for themselves. besides, it isn't your responsibility to be your mom's emotional crutch - it's her husband's.

at the very least apply for the job now and go for the interview. you always have the choice of turning down a job offer if things drastically change.
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Reply 20 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 02:41:29 PM)
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Quoted from Nickolati:
If you take the job over helping out your mom you are sad person.
I disagree, you gotta do something for yourself sometimes.
Nickolati
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Reply 21 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 02:43:52 PM)
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Quoted from Hoff:
Quoted from Nickolati:
If you take the job over helping out your mom you are sad person.
I disagree, you gotta do something for yourself sometimes.


Good things happen to you if you keep your karma stacked correctly.
ôYou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?ö - Chris Rock
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Reply 22 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 02:53:08 PM)
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Or life passes you by while you do the job that someone else promised to do... you know that 'til death do you part shit? Someone else agreed to that.

I vote find out what the prognosis is, and if it's bad, stay. If it's acceptable-to-good, leave. Your parents made the decisions that led them to this point, they should be able to figure it out in a way that allows you grow up and go after those things that you want. You don't want to resent your parents...

Meanwhile apply for the job. August isn't that far away, who knows what the interview process will bring.
Nickolati
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Reply 23 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 03:08:48 PM)
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Quoted from kayte:
Or life passes you by while you do the job that someone else promised to do... you know that 'til death do you part shit? Someone else agreed to that.

I vote find out what the prognosis is, and if it's bad, stay. If it's acceptable-to-good, leave. Your parents made the decisions that led them to this point, they should be able to figure it out in a way that allows you grow up and go after those things that you want. You don't want to resent your parents...

Meanwhile apply for the job. August isn't that far away, who knows what the interview process will bring.


It isn't like they supported her for her first 18 years or more, which I am assuming it is since she is in college.

Life is a two way street Kayte. They changed your diapers when you were young, and it is our job to change theirs as they get older.

The correct question Amphy should be asking herself is... How can I perpetuate my happiness and achieve my goals while being a supportive family member.

The answer to this is post 9.
ôYou know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?ö - Chris Rock
This reply was last edited on 07-28-08 03:18:25 PM by Nickolati.
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Reply 24 of 45 (Originally posted on: 07-28-08 03:16:36 PM)
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...That being a responsibility you accept when you choose to have a child.

I'm not saying Amphy should abandon her mother on her freaking deathbed or something. I'm saying she shouldn't feel obligated to stick around and nurse her mother for the next indeterminate number of years at the expense of her own life. Women are so often guilt-tripped into sacrificing themselves for others. It's a husband's role to take care of his wife (and vv), and beyond that there are actual nurses out there who can help as well.
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