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Guy Tuttle and Ass
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(Originally posted on: 02-22-08 06:43:30 AM)
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I hate Germans.

As many of you know, I've been studying in Berlin for the past six months or so. I like it here. But I hate Germans. It's just the culture, I can't handle it. Berlin is barely, barely German, and still sometimes the old people are simply too much. I can't imagine what I would do if I had chosen to do my time abroad in a city like Muenchen or Bonn or somewhere where the German culture hasn't been diluted by 50 years of communism.

Here are some things that I hate about Germans:

1. They always follow the rules, even if the rules make no sense and they're only following them because they are the rules


Rules are very important for Germans. The reason a german will slam on his brakes to let you cross in a crosswalk is the same reason he will do his sincere best to run you over if you're jaywalking. If you ever go to Germany, you should learn the phrase, "Es darfst du nicht!", because you're going to hear it a lot, even if you think you're not doing anything wrong.

When I was in Muenchen, it was very cold. Below freezing. For me, that's cold. So I had two coats on. Anyway, I went to this museum (which turned out to be really boring). I needed to check my coats, so I reluctantly paid 50 cents to the girl and tried to give her my coats, which I had placed inside each other. She looked at the coats and said "what are you doing?! I'm not that stupid!", as though I were trying to cheat her. I explained that I was only attempting to save some money, and it didn't matter, and could she please put the coats up? "Es darfst du nicht!", OK bitch, I'm a student, I just want to fucking check my coat so I can look at your stupid museum, and it's not like it costs you anything to let me put my coat there you whore

Or how about one time, when I was getting on the train. I was waiting for the s-bahn so I could go home, and it came, and so I went to a door to go in, and this old german man physically pushed me out of the train again and shouted "AUSSTEIGENERS ERST", which means, "people disembarking get off the train first". I can understand if I pushed past him or something, but he was the only one getting out of the train, and there was tons of room. He actually had to physically move into my way in order to push me. fucking germans

2. German toilets

what the fuck is this shit???


Take a look at that toilet. See anything interesting? Somewhere, sometime, some sick fuck decided that it would be a good idea to put a shelf for your shit to land on before you flushed. It's disgusting, you have to sit there, marinating in your own shame, until you're finished. It's like punishing yourself! Taking a shit doesn't have to be that bad! Think your shit doesn't stink? come to germany, they'll put you back in your place

3. German food


Like salad, or anything fresh at all? Don't go to Germany. Like pork? like pickled vegetables? like diarrhea? Germany might be the place for you

4. German professors


Actually, just Claudius Franzius. Fuck that guy.

I took this class, Europaeishes Verfassungsrecht, which I recently had an exam for. When I was handing in my test, I asked him where I could pick up my Schein, which is like a little mini-diploma proving that you did the class. He said "Oh come to my office hours this Wednesday" and I said "Oh wow you're going to be done reading them by Wednesday" and he was like "Ja klar" and I was like "This Wednesday?" and he was like "JA KLAR", like kind of a jerk about it.

And so I went that Wednesday, and I found his office and knocked on the door and there was no answer, so I knocked again and there was no answer, so I opened the door a little and knocked one more time on it and looked in and he was sitting with his back to me at his desk. And so I said "excuse me" and he turned around and was like "what do you want?"

I said "Hello. I am here to pick up my Schein" and he just looked at me, and I said "I am in Your class Europaeishes Verfassungsrecht, and I am an exchange student, and I would like to pick up my Schein, if it's possible, and You said that I should pick it up today (and all super-polite, I used the formal and subjunctive and all that shit)"

And he was like "Well you should have come next Wednesday after the other students have finished their exams" and was like "but sir You told me that I should come today (seriously I was being so polite using like all these extra polite words and stuff)" and he was like "Yes I said that. But you should have come next week. Come next week" and then he turned around and started working on his computer again!!! what an assshooooolllleeee



these guys had some good ideas
Ztolk
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Reply 1 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 06:57:40 AM)
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The Germans killed six million of my peopleMAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
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The next time you wanna call a coon a nigger, call that spearchucker a jungle bunny instead. I know, I know... nigger rolls off the tongue so easy, but there is a world of rarely used racial slurs that we need to start utilizing. White power!

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Reply 2 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 08:03:55 AM)
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Now you know how the Jews feel, Ice.

I don't like it when Ice makes posts and randomly breaks out into German. It's like spanglish but german. Germglish.
U CANT TRICK THE TRICKSTER

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Guy Tuttle and Ass
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gotta get that VICTORY ROYALE #gamer #memes #LoL

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Reply 3 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 08:45:23 AM)
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did I forget to translate something there?


Oh and Spanglish for German is Denglish
wheezy
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Lord Handsome

The next time you wanna call a coon a nigger, call that spearchucker a jungle bunny instead. I know, I know... nigger rolls off the tongue so easy, but there is a world of rarely used racial slurs that we need to start utilizing. White power!

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Reply 4 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 09:03:42 AM)
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Quoted from ice:
did I forget to translate something there?


Oh and Spanglish for German is Denglish


Ja Klar?
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Guy Tuttle and Ass
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gotta get that VICTORY ROYALE #gamer #memes #LoL

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Reply 5 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 09:09:54 AM)
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It literally means "yes clear", but it's like saying "yes, correct"
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Reply 6 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 09:41:32 AM)
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No problems here. I don't think you translated "Es darfst du nicht!" It means "You can't do that!", no?
Hello my name is Kristoffer Jørgensen and I am from Norweigen I come to see hot USA girls and history landmarks!!
Guy Tuttle and Ass
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Reply 7 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 10:15:09 AM)
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yeah
drahnier
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Reply 8 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 11:00:39 AM)
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Quote:
Like salad, or anything fresh at all? Don't go to Germany. Like pork? like pickled vegetables? like diarrhea? Germany might be the place for you

Yeah, we all know how Americans like to eat fresh vegetables and nutritious food, it must be quite a transition for you.

Also, i suspect we're kind of similar about the rules in Sweden, except here people never actually yell at random strangers for breaking the rules, because we're asocial pussies.

In conclusion, why don't you just follow the fucking rules and stop bitching about it, it's people like you that lost the war.
And university professors can be assholes everywhere, they're busy and arrogant.
DRAHNIER
This reply was last edited on 02-22-08 11:05:40 AM by drahnier.
Guy Tuttle and Ass
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Reply 9 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 12:30:39 PM)
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Quoted from anaemic_royalty:
Yeah, we all know how Americans like to eat fresh vegetables and nutritious food, it must be quite a transition for you.


yeah actually, it's weird to go to a restaurant and have the only salad be Fleischsalat

Quote:
In conclusion, why don't you just follow the fucking rules and stop bitching about it, it's people like you that lost the war.


what? Germany lost the war
D
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Reply 10 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:12:36 PM)
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Its people like you who lost the war for germany, he means.

Contrary to popular belief though, as far as I know Americans don't exactly live off of McDonalds.
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Reply 11 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:26:53 PM)
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No, you're the most morbidly obese nation in the western world because you eat too much salad.
DRAHNIER
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Reply 12 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:34:58 PM)
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I eat lots of salad.
this is my music i hope you like it
this is music i listen to these are movies i like these are books i like
Snook
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Reply 13 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:40:50 PM)
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You do realise that there are a shit ton of fatasses in europe too, right?
Hello my name is Kristoffer Jørgensen and I am from Norweigen I come to see hot USA girls and history landmarks!!
D
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Reply 14 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:45:41 PM)
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Tasty food generally is the most fattening food. This country has a high standard of living and there is all sorts of food thats easily at hand.

So generally people tend to buy the tastiest food cause its yummy, and as a result people become fat.

The tastiest food is the fattest because thats the way we're wired, we're built to not know when our next meal will be, so we're made to eat the stuff that'll sustain us for the longest time. But since we're surrounded with all kinds food, we eat 3 meals a day. And we're surrounded by tasty fattening food because that sells best because thats what we're made to want.

Doesn't mean our food isn't fresh or that everyone lives off of McDonalds. If anyone has seen that movie about the guy who eats nothing but McDonalds for a month, by the end of the movie I hear he like almost dies. That should be proof enough that people don't live off of it, cause if they did they would die.
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Reply 15 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:54:54 PM)
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I don't think Drah was being literal. Besides, there's no sense in arguing that Americans aren't fat. They are.
Adopt a leggo my eggo ifo.
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Reply 16 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 01:58:54 PM)
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No shit?

Point being, you're obviously so fucking fat because you eat a large amount of grease and sugar, and since you're fatter than any european nation we can assume you eat even more of it than europeans do, so it's kinda funny for an American to critizise Germany because Germans only eat greasy processed food.
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Reply 17 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:03:32 PM)
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Quoted from Snook:
You do realise that there are a shit ton of fatasses in europe too, right?

You must have learned this on one of your hundreds of European expeditions, right?
D
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Reply 18 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:19:41 PM)
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I don't think he was complaining that it was greasy or unhealthy. Just that it was gross. Greasy and unhealthy don't always mean gross. I'm guessing traditional German food comes from centuries of living in a society where everything wasn't readily available. As a result they probably had to do weird stuff with weird food to make many of their dishes (sausage anyone?). The result is, to an outsider, gross. Thus the complaint.
Snook
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Reply 19 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:22:09 PM)
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Quoted from Tartarus:
Quoted from Snook:
You do realise that there are a shit ton of fatasses in europe too, right?

You must have learned this on one of your hundreds of European expeditions, right?


Yes, considering the fact that I was born and raised there and visit often enough.
Hello my name is Kristoffer Jørgensen and I am from Norweigen I come to see hot USA girls and history landmarks!!
IF0
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Reply 20 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:22:37 PM)
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In my experiences, German food has a tendency to be more sour or bitter. American food is usually more fatty and salty. Japanese food is more bland with strong sauces. Food tendencies, you know? Maybe that's what he meant.
Adopt a leggo my eggo ifo.
D
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Reply 21 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:31:52 PM)
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Right. Thats what I was saying.
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Reply 22 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:32:13 PM)
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I Just ate McDonald's. 5 chicken strips, large fries, 2 cheeseburgers and a large sprite. I only weigh 150lbs, so suck on that.
Guy Tuttle and Ass
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Reply 23 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:39:22 PM)
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Quoted from anaemic_royalty:
No shit?

Point being, you're obviously so fucking fat because you eat a large amount of grease and sugar, and since you're fatter than any european nation we can assume you eat even more of it than europeans do, so it's kinda funny for an American to critizise Germany because Germans only eat greasy processed food.


why don't you make a thread about it
Ztolk
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Reply 24 of 86 (Originally posted on: 02-22-08 02:44:15 PM)
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Quoted from Hoff:
I Just ate McDonald's. 5 chicken strips, large fries, 2 cheeseburgers and a large sprite. I only weigh 150lbs, so suck on that.


Go eat some more, skinny.
"I used the internet to get laid once. That is not a shining moment of pride for me. The worst thing? She evidently gave me chlamydia, which I evidently got cleared up."
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