Tech support can't fix stupid



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mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

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Posts: 2339 (0.406)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

I like generally anybody who works at a help desk have seen my share of people so ignorant, that sometimes it blows my mind. Of course it's always my fault, and of course they're going to yell at me for it.

A few weeks ago a customer came in to exchange his "broken computer" after only keeping it overnight three days in a ros. Somehow, it magically installed XXX fast search on his computer "obviously an issue with HPs" he told me, "everybody knows they're unsecure, I shouldn't have let you talk me into this piece of shit".

(I had never talked to this guy before)

he then proceeded to inform me how I was a bad person because I told customer service not to let him exchange the computer.

While I'm generally extremely good at holding my tongue I told him "Maybe having this get installed after you go to the same porn sight every night you'd eventually figure it out"

"what?" he said "I have never looked at porn on the internet, I want to see your manager"

my manager then came over, we opened up his web history, and there were a list of 10-15 disgustingly named porn site.

*silence*

This didn't really frustrate me, because the manager told him that we wouldn't exchange his PC again, and if he wanted to take it up with corporate, he could.

This provided good laughs for everybody in the precinct.

--------------------------------------------

Tonight I had a customer with the worst kind of stupid. She came up with two printers in the box, missing power cords and informed me that she's been in to the store 16 times for her broken fucking printer, and I should give her a new one.

The printers were purchased in February, I pulled the first one out of the box and pulled a power plug from the display model. After going to the manufacturer website I had the printer drivers installed and printing in 5 minutes. Unfortunately, it was only printing in yellow and red. I pulled the black, and realized it still had the tape on it. With a little rubbing alcohol and a q tip I was able to bring the blue back to life.

Then I proceeded to easily align, print test pages, scan a document, and make a copy.

This is where the fun began. I told her what I did, and showed her the test prints.

Quoted from me and a crazy lady:

"so now I'm going to go home, plug it in, and it'll work?"

"well you'll have to have it installed properly, you should have been able to make a copy or print a test page before, the colors would have just been messed up"

"well it's never worked, I want you to fix it so that it'll work"

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to have it installed correctly for it to work on your computer, if you'd like I can burn the necessary drivers to a cd"

"another agent already did that, and it didn't work, I told you this printer was broken"

"well, if you're unable to install the printer if you bring your computer in I can install them for you, but there would be a charge."

"I've never been able to install anything before, my kids can do anything, and if they can't do this it's broken"

"Well they must be installing it wrong"

"they've been unable to install the printer they're doing something wrong"

"they've been able to install everything else, there not doing anything wrong with this one"

"but I just tested it ma'am, this printer is fine."

"there's something wrong with it, you need to fix it"

"well ma'am, I was able to test this printer and it worked just fine. If you'd like I can test the other printer"

"I don't know anything about these, my kids are the ones that use them and they say they're not working"

"well ma'am there's nothing I can do. You're 5 months out of the exchange period, and there's nothing wrong with these printers"

"I'm not leaving this store with these broken printers"

I abridged this only to avoid showing that fact that I said everything multiple times. If a manager didn't happen to step up right then I don't know if I could have stopped myself from telling her that I can't fix stupid.

SO WHAT ARE YOUR STORIES?

An atom walks into a bar looking very depressed.
Bartender: What's wrong?
Atom: I've just lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: Yeah, I'm positive.

Ryan
Big Sausage Pizza

From west philadelphia born and raised on the playground it's said I spent most of my days

Ballkicks: (+64 / -17)
Posts: 1202 (0.234)
Reg. Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary
Gender: Male

I worked in a call centre for an Australian ISP (BigPond for those who know).

One day, when I was still in training, I got a call from an attorney. Apparently, he was John Howard's attorney (the Prime Minister of Australia). I was about to call bullshit when this guy emailed me a pdf with crappy handwriting with instructions of why Mr. Prime Minister needed help.

This call took 3 hours (2 hours after I finished work, I might add) and the problem wasn't resolved because Johnny decided not to listen to me, so we ended up charging him $350 to send a tech out to plug in the modem to his computer.

I would transcribe the conversation, but it was a conference call between at least 3 other people (including Johnny, 30 minutes in) but I'm sure there were more sitting in a conference room listening in.

After I finished the call, my MOD (manager on duty) told me that he actually called the wrong number and should have actually called Business Support instead of Residential ADSL tech support.

It was probably the most stressed and aggravated I'd ever been in my life, and I took a LOT of shit from people in that job, but none of it topped this morons stupidity.

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.406)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

So this guy came in few months ago, with an mp3 player that had 128 MB of internal memory.

His claim is that he bought it 4 years ago, it didn't work, his daughter brought it in to us we couldn't get it to work, and sent her home with it.

He then proceeded to scream at us because we wouldn't give him a new one.

WTF IF IT DOESN'T WORK, COME BACK RIGHT AWAY!!! WORTHLESS FUCKING REDNECK.

An atom walks into a bar looking very depressed.
Bartender: What's wrong?
Atom: I've just lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: Yeah, I'm positive.

Woadie

Communism works in principle, and so do I

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Posts: 563 (0.082)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: Lithuanian SSR
Gender: Male

*RING RING RING RING RING*
Me: Bestbuy Geek Squad. Agent Frank speaking...

Tommy Chong-sounding customer: Yeah, uh... I kinda bought this router at your store today and I have no clue what i'm doing with it.

Me: You don't know why you purchased the router? Or you don't know how to use it?

Customer: The second thing.

Me: I'm sorry, but i'm not able to give free tech support over the phone as this is a service we charge for either in-home or over the phone support through 1-800-Geeksquad.

Customer: Yeah? Oh... ok I thought it was something simple you could tell me how to do over the phone.

Me: We can but not from a store location and not for free i've already given you the number.

Customer: No, you didn't you said 1-800-geeksquad that's not the actual numbers

Me: Ok, my mistake for assuming most people have touch-tone phones. It's actually 1-800-433-5778.

Customer: Ok was it that hard?

Me: Hanging up now... *click*

5 mins later

*Ring Ring Ring Ring Ring*

Me: Bestbuy Geek Squad. Agent Frank speaking.

Same retarded customer: Yeah, I just picked a router from your store. I'd like to know how to set it up.

Me: You just called this place 5 mins ago and I explained to you we can't do tech support over the phone from a store location and that you had to call the 800 number if you needed help.

Customer: They were busy so I called back becau----

Me: because you were hoping to get somebody else that would not be aware of the policy of the company and just tell you how to do it so you could avoid paying for the service as you've learned that you're going to have to do from our last conversation???

Customer: Well.

Me: Please don't call back *CLICK*

No more than 15 mins later

*Ring Ring Ring Ring*

Me: *Same thing as the last 2*

Idiot Customer: Yeah, uh I just got this router and I needed some-

Me: Same guy as the last 2 times... Not going to help you

Idiot Customer: Damnit.....

I hate Las Vegas and the people in it.

Ваш Бог мертв

Ryan
Big Sausage Pizza

From west philadelphia born and raised on the playground it's said I spent most of my days

Ballkicks: (+64 / -17)
Posts: 1202 (0.234)
Reg. Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary
Gender: Male

What's it generally like working for the Geek Squad? I've considered applying, but I've heard horror stories and I worked at Futureshop here which is much the same thing.

Shadowe

I kinda want to see that up someone's ass

Ballkicks: (+90 / -84)
Posts: 1274 (0.219)
Reg. Date: Dec 2004
Location: Amen
Gender: Unspecified

Reverse tech support:

Me: Hi our internet is broken

Them: The internet can't break-

Me: Your DSL modem is causing NAT issues with my router and making it impossible for me to properly enable port forwarding so that people can connect to my ventrilo server or so I can play Supreme Commander. Moreover your DSL modem is old as balls and constantly drops our connection.

Them: Your internet is broken, we'll send you a technician and a new one.

---Later---

Me: Our internet is extremely slow and I'm pretty sure it's still the DSL modem. At least now it's not disconnecting all the time.

Technician: Let me do a speed test. Yep, your internet is fine, connecting to our private speed test server shows you're at full speed.

Me: The internet is not on your server

Technician: Yeah it is, that's how you're getting to it

Me: And they let you use anything more technologically advanced than a pencil?

Technician (under desk): What?

Me: Nevermind...

If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.

Ryan
Big Sausage Pizza

From west philadelphia born and raised on the playground it's said I spent most of my days

Ballkicks: (+64 / -17)
Posts: 1202 (0.234)
Reg. Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary
Gender: Male

Doing internet tech support is terrible, most of the people they have working in those places are high school dropouts that paint their nails all day, whether or not they are male or female.

It was a painful 3 months I'll never get back.

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.406)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

GS is actually fun most of the time.

At very worst it's an excellent place to hone your technical support skills. While I wouldn't consider it as a long term career I will work there most likely until the end of my technical career.

Most of the horror stories are customer that lie or are too stupid to understand the difference between hardware and software, or that we don't carry parts for all laptops ever made in store and can't give them a new one just because their six month old one doesn't work and has to go to service.

An atom walks into a bar looking very depressed.
Bartender: What's wrong?
Atom: I've just lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: Yeah, I'm positive.

Snook
INTL Premium Member
...

enlightening 6 year olds on the horrors of war

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Reg. Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chi-town
Gender: Male

Every service job has its case of "the stupid customer". I've gotten quite a few in food service.

Hello my name is Kristoffer Jørgensen and I am from Norweigen I come to see hot USA girls and history landmarks!!

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.406)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

when somebody blames us for their viruses, it's like taking the food home, letting it sit in the sun for a week, eating it, then blaming you for the food poisoning.

but yes, agreed.

An atom walks into a bar looking very depressed.
Bartender: What's wrong?
Atom: I've just lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: Yeah, I'm positive.

Nemesis
Zuri's Cat
They're ALL scientologists damn you! IT'S A CONSPIRACY!

Ballkicks: (+87 / -19)
Posts: 429 (0.065)
Reg. Date: Dec 2002
Location: Detroit
Gender: Male

Recently we decided to search our store on Angie's List (stupid website where people can bitch about the horrible time they had in a store) and we happened upon a story about a woman who thought we were condescending and mean, and the 7 dollars we charged her for the printer cable she needed.

Actual story? This bitch brought in her tower, monitor, cable modem, printer, mouse, speakers, keyboard, all for a printer problem.

She didn't bring her printer cable, because she didn't think she'd need it.

Upon pointing out the irony of bringing everything but the printer cable, I picked one up off the shelf and her printer worked fine, so I told her it must be the printer cable. She then decided to inform me that she was a doctor and that I could not possibly do her job, so why should she be able to do mine. She walked up to the counter and my coworker said something along the lines of "Yeah I forget things all the time." He was promptly informed that she was a doctor, and there was no possible way he could do her job. So my manager's ringing her up and yells accross the store "what's the charge for the service?" I said forget it and sell her the cable. He mentioned that the usual charge for diagnostics is 49.99. He was also made aware that he was not a doctor and she could not do his job.

I got written up for not charging her an express service fee on top of diagnostics as a "bitch tax" and then read this about 6 months after.

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.406)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

But it's all your fault, and she's a doctor and therefore smarter than you.

I got yelled at today by a customer because they restored their PC (Dell), couldn't find the drivers, and I offered to fix it for $29 a half hour labor, we fixed the problem in 5 minutes.

Policy says that I should either charge to reformat her PC and reinstall the OS, or charge a software install for each missing driver.

Because all I had to do was let them install themselves, I thought it was a fair trade.

She then gets pissed off about me charging her! She didn't even buy the PC from us, fucking cunt. "I buy stuff here all the time it's the least you can do"

"ma'am you didn't but this from us, we didn't break it, how do you expect us to stay in business"

Nemesis, do you have customers get pissed at you because you won't give them free telephone tech support? I don't know how differently things work at a non corporate store.

An atom walks into a bar looking very depressed.
Bartender: What's wrong?
Atom: I've just lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: Yeah, I'm positive.

Ryan
Big Sausage Pizza

From west philadelphia born and raised on the playground it's said I spent most of my days

Ballkicks: (+64 / -17)
Posts: 1202 (0.234)
Reg. Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary
Gender: Male

Quoted from Nemesis:
Recently we decided to search our store on Angie's List (stupid website where people can bitch about the horrible time they had in a store) and we happened upon a story about a woman who thought we were condescending and mean, and the 7 dollars we charged her for the printer cable she needed.

Actual story? This bitch brought in her tower, monitor, cable modem, printer, mouse, speakers, keyboard, all for a printer problem.

She didn't bring her printer cable, because she didn't think she'd need it.

Upon pointing out the irony of bringing everything but the printer cable, I picked one up off the shelf and her printer worked fine, so I told her it must be the printer cable. She then decided to inform me that she was a doctor and that I could not possibly do her job, so why should she be able to do mine. She walked up to the counter and my coworker said something along the lines of "Yeah I forget things all the time." He was promptly informed that she was a doctor, and there was no possible way he could do her job. So my manager's ringing her up and yells accross the store "what's the charge for the service?" I said forget it and sell her the cable. He mentioned that the usual charge for diagnostics is 49.99. He was also made aware that he was not a doctor and she could not do his job.

I got written up for not charging her an express service fee on top of diagnostics as a "bitch tax" and then read this about 6 months after.

That's when you come back at her and tell her you have a PhD in Computer Science, and tell her you are indeed a doctor and she should shut the fuck up.

Also, my old job in Australia involved free tech support for the products we sold (we were a wholesaler of webcams and tv tuner cards [www.gdbint.com.au] and other pro video equiptment) and I tell you, the people over there are so goddamn dumb.

"My tv tuner isn't picking up any channels" "Do you have the antenna plugged in" "Yes (sometimes)" "which one, the one that came with the device that is 3cm tall and you likely have it plugged in between several metal things inside of your house, or your external aerial that actually picks up signals" "The former"

Ugh. People.

Nemesis
Zuri's Cat
They're ALL scientologists damn you! IT'S A CONSPIRACY!

Ballkicks: (+87 / -19)
Posts: 429 (0.065)
Reg. Date: Dec 2002
Location: Detroit
Gender: Male

Quoted from mmac:
But it's all your fault, and she's a doctor and therefore smarter than you.

I got yelled at today by a customer because they restored their PC (Dell), couldn't find the drivers, and I offered to fix it for \$29 a half hour labor, we fixed the problem in 5 minutes.

Policy says that I should either charge to reformat her PC and reinstall the OS, or charge a software install for each missing driver.

Because all I had to do was let them install themselves, I thought it was a fair trade.

She then gets pissed off about me charging her! She didn't even buy the PC from us, fucking cunt. "I buy stuff here all the time it's the least you can do"

"ma'am you didn't but this from us, we didn't break it, how do you expect us to stay in business"

Nemesis, do you have customers get pissed at you because you won't give them free telephone tech support? I don't know how differently things work at a non corporate store.

Customer: "Hey I bought this 7900 GTX about 2 months ago and my fan quit working, do you guys sell fans?"

Me: "No sir."

Customer: "Can you help me find one?"

Me: "Did you buy it here?"

Customer: "No."

Me: "Pretty sure they sell them online."

Customer: "What so you're not going to help me?"

Me: "You didn't buy it here so it really doesn't seem like my problem, you should probably call the video card manufacturer"

Customer: "So you're not going to help me find someone that sells them?"

Me: "Nope."

Customer: "Who runs the website?"

Me: "My general manager."

Customer: "I'm going to call him!"

Me: "Great, he's probably going to be less effective than I, PHONE NUMBER"

And my all time favorite phone call:
Customer: "Hey my friend's building me a laptop."

Me: "That's cool...so what can I do for you?"

Customer: "You guys have warranties right?"

Me: "uh huh...."

Customer: "Will you warranty my laptop?"

Me: "So let me get this straight, your friend is building you a laptop and you want me to warranty it?"

Customer: "Yeah."

Me: "So let me get this straight, your friend is building you a laptop and you want me to warranty it?"

Customer: "I just said that!"

Me: "Sorry I was just verifying that. The answer is absolutely not. HAVE A NICE DAY!" Click

I do get the personal bonus of being able to charge whatever the fuck I Want for anything I do, and take 20% of that. Needless to say people this dumb pay me 50 dollars for shit like forgetting their password, even though it takes me about 10 seconds to fix. Hot chicks who try to play the "omg I'm so dumb" card also get charged more. I don't take shit from bitches.

This reply was last edited on 09-03-07 01:27:00 AM by Nemesis.

Shadowe

I kinda want to see that up someone's ass

Ballkicks: (+90 / -84)
Posts: 1274 (0.219)
Reg. Date: Dec 2004
Location: Amen
Gender: Unspecified

Yeah I charge a stupid-tax as well. 60 dollars an hour for a general computer repair/fixup, 80 if your an idiot, and up to just below geek squad prices if you're an asshole. That's on top of charging for software since if they're pricks I won't bother letting them in on the secret of freeware and tell them all about commercial stuff instead.

If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.406)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

Geek Squad charges $60 an hour for in store work, so...

Do you mean that you charge in home rates for in store services?

------------------------

So a customer came in night before last because his brand new PC was kicking him off the internet.

Power it up, and somebody configured Charter as a PPOE connection, we fix it and send him on his way. "don't change anything, just plug it in and you won't have a problem"

Fast forward to the next day., he's pissed off because it kicked him off the net again.

Add to this, he starts rambling incoherently, but it eventually comes out that he had bet over $1000 on a poker hand, and that was when it kicked him off the net, he lost the hand because of it.

Check out his PC, charter is magically configured as a PPOE connection again.

He doesn't know shit about PCs his girlfriend does. But it's our fault for sure that his PC got messed up. It's also our fault that he lost that $1000, and that he got a domestic disturbance charge.

Well, the only thing we can do is return the PC minus an 85% restocking fee. Oh, he paid with a check, we'll have to send a check to you in the mail.

That's no good, he absolutely needs the money today and we should pay him cash. After all somehow we're responsible for him loosing that money. I'm sorry sir we're not a bank, we don't cash checks for you. He argued with 3 managers for 30 minutes.

An atom walks into a bar looking very depressed.
Bartender: What's wrong?
Atom: I've just lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: Yeah, I'm positive.

Shadowe

I kinda want to see that up someone's ass

Ballkicks: (+90 / -84)
Posts: 1274 (0.219)
Reg. Date: Dec 2004
Location: Amen
Gender: Unspecified

I don't work for anyone and yeah I would compare in-home rates since usually I go to their house and fix it there.

If there's something wrong, those who have the ability to take action have the responsibility to take action.

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