Wandering Idiot
INTL Premium Member
Surely something dumber has come up since my apparent forgetfulness for STDs and doctor visits.
Ballkicks: (+257 / -16)
Posts: 2130 (0.328)
Reg. Date: Jul 2003
Location: Arms' reach of my wifes' bitchslap
Gender: Male |
(Originally posted on: 12-08-06 07:05:28 PM)
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Now that I have burned horrible images in the minds of those who've met me, let me rephrase that. I'm about to start working in the wonderful world of retail porn and adult toy sales.
In my recent neverending search for the right job, mostly focused on pay, I stumbled across an advertisement for a porn shop that just happened to be hiring. Not just any porn shop though, oh no, that wouldn't be coincidental enough. This goes back a ways, farther back than anyone on this forum has known me and my ways. This, my friends, goes back to my childhood.
Yeah, that sounds really horrible, but I'm not going to change it. Basically, it's a coincidence that there was a shop that is similarly named to Tigers' Basement, in a 400 person town where I went to uptight private Lutheran school, and now I'll be working for the same company in one of their 40 odd stores. You see, in rural parts of the country, when porn shops start popping up, uptight religious types come out in droves to try to get the place shut down. When I was 8, the gas station by the interstate became the Lions Den, and from then on, those words have always defined pornography for me, and oddly enough, several small country counties in central Illinois.
The store I'll be working at is a plain shop, freshly remodeled. No theaters, booths, or even public bathrooms in the joint, so there's no spot mopping after a customer leaves. They sell the porn shop standards, which includes the famed double headed kong dong, to the ever controversial, preggo porn. Surprisingly, the place is extremely clean, and in a decent area. It's never a guarantee that we won't get robbed, but that's a hazard anywhere.
My boss is really cool, rather relaxed. I haven't met any other employees yet besides the district manager, as it was just the two of those guys working there today. Even the customers were rather talkative while I was there, keeping the DM busy talking about dildos, g-spot vibrators, and glass dongs called Don Wands, for about 45 minutes.
Surprisingly enough, there really isn't a large selection of the weird porn. Not surprising is the fact that the pay sucks, well, mostly. There's balanced comission, but it won't put me at $12/hour, so I'll be working a lot of overtime. I'm thinking that if I get the hours, I could work solely selling smut, with no other job needed. Yeah, it's not going to take me anywhere, I know, but I think I'm going to have fun with this job.
I'm not starting until next week, probably tuesday or wednsday. If the first day is going to be anything like I saw today, and the other employees are as laid back as the boss, the job will have no sexual frustration because everyones' weird fantasies are likely to be topics of daily discussion. I'm also waiting for the first strange customer to come in and try to steal a dildo, just so, well, fuck it, let's face it, I'm taking this job because I want to add a fuck ton of humor to my life, and just enjoy the misery of retail hell by selling gigantic anal beads to the snooty 22 year old trophy wife of some executive, or little old ladies.
I am officially making my declaration that 2007 is either going to best the best year of my life, or the worst with the best stories.
I can't wait to go to work baked.
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
-Dave Barry
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