Meeting people over the internet



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frosty
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Has anyone here ever actually physically met up with someone they've initially met over the internet?

I ask because I got home today to find a strange Swedish child in my house, who my little brothers had apparently met online and invited to stay for the night. He's doing a tour of Britain where he spends every night with someone who he met online. Personally, this sounds like my idea of hell.

Now don't get me wrong, he seems alright and everything, and it's no skin off my nose, but surely this is a little risky?

For those of you that have done it, weren't you a bit worried about meeting a total mentalist and ending up bleeding to death on your front porch whilst your new friend rifled through your stuff and tried on your underwear?

Personally, I'd say it's something I'd never do. And not just because it's a bit nerdy. It's the twenty first century equivalent of taking sweets from strangers.

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Pertti Susilainen
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Many people here have done it. I think I've got to know the people I chat with pretty well, and I don't think it'd be risky to meet them. Actually, I'd love to. It's not a wise thing to meet strangers from the internet, but although you can't never be totally sure the other side isn't lying, if a psychopath managed to conceal that condition for so long there's no reason why a person you know offline couldn't do the same.

The only danger, I reckon, would be: what if it doesn't work out in person? I'm a shy guy.

"Hwæt, he on þa tid þe he inne bið, ne bið hrinen mid þy storme þæs wintres; ac þæt bið an eagan bryhtm and þæt læste fæc, ac he sona of wintre on þone winter eft cymeð… hwæt þær foregange, oððe hwæt þær fylige, we ne cunnen."
"Lo, he, in the time that he is inside, is not touched by the storm of the winter, but that is an eye's winking and the least time, but he straightway comes back from winter into winter, what thereto may precede or what to it may follow, we do not know."

goatsnacks
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I met my wife on the internet through deviantart.

It'd be really cool to meet up with some of the people on here.

Here are the plans of war. They're as valuable as your life. And that's putting them pretty cheap. Watch them like a cat watched her kittens. Have you ever had kittens? No, of course not, you're too busy running around playing bridge. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you, I love you.

Alloy
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Quote:
I met my wife on the internet through deviantart.

Are you serious? If so, I'm glad I'm not the only one attempting a serious relationship with someone I've met online. My boyfriend and I, despite having been together for seven months haven't yet met face to face ... 'course, come August, that will no longer be the case.

I know him pretty well and I think I have ample proof he's not a total psycho. A little insane maybe, but harmlessly so.

EDIT: Spare me the lectures, I've heard them all.

Sul

goatsnacks
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Totally serious. We talked about two years. It was odd too, me personally, I liked her before I even really knew her. It sounds cheesy, but I could tell there was a 'connection'. She lived in michigan and I'm all the way down here in NC so I drove up for a week to visit and we actually were just as compatible in person as we were online. Ok so it was a good bit awkward. It's very different when you finally see him/her. But exciting too.

It takes commitment to keep things going over a distance. I'd say share photos, webcams and plenty of phone calls.

I really hope things work out for you in the end. Also carry a taser in august :P

Ztolk
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I've met people who I've talked to online after finding out that I'm going to meet them in the future IE my roommate. I've never met anyone who I've met on an online community.

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just_dandy
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I really fear for the day when kids will ask "So, what site did your parents meet on?"...

except not really. I've also met people [read: one person] that I'd gotten to know over the internet. Of course, he was local, and that ended up being a somewhat sticky situation...

In any case, I'm totally fine with it as long as you're not being horribly stupid.

I can say "Good Morning." in seven different languages. Which would you prefer I use tomorrow?

frosty
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Quote:
The only danger, I reckon, would be: what if it doesn't work out in person? I'm a shy guy.

Yeah, I mean all joking aside they'd be unlikely to be a literal psychopath, but the chances of them just being really annoying or the two of you being awkward in each other's company and not getting on would be significant.

For those of you who met significant others online, did you already consider the internet a valid means of meeting people or did it just kind of happen out of the blue?

A good mate of mine a few years back ended up moving house to a different town to be with someone he'd met online, so I do have some first hand evidence that it could work, I suppose.

Also, I'm not trying to be rude here, but wasn't it a bit awkward telling people? How did your friends and parents and stuff react?

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Wandering Idiot
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Well, where to begin.

I've met Mr. Excitable, Kayte, Adam (Nova), Mmac, Dramamine, and I lived with Sandamnit.

I met a couple of people from SA, they were all pretty chill. Nerdy, albeit, but I figured that would be the case anyhow.

I used the internet to get laid once. That is not a shining moment of pride for me. The worst thing? She evidently gave me chlamydia, which I evidently got cleared up.

I'll meet people, I don't really care. Then again, I usually carry a knife with a 5" blade wherever I go, so I always intend to protect myself if people are crazy. No more trying to get ass from the internet though, that's just a bad idea.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
-Dave Barry

frosty
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Quote:
No more trying to get ass from the internet though, that's just a bad idea.

For some reason, that almsot literally made me laugh out loud, and it's very rare I do that from somethign written down.

Chlamydia's a side effect I hadn't really though of when I started the thread.

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Alloy
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Quote:
It takes commitment to keep things going over a distance. I'd say share photos, webcams and plenty of phone calls.

I really hope things work out for you in the end. Also carry a taser in august :P

Hehe, thanks. I talk to him every day and we play computer games together; Skype is a real life-saver too.

Quote:
For those of you who met significant others online, did you already consider the internet a valid means of meeting people or did it just kind of happen out of the blue?

It just happened. He was a mate that I knew from a forum and I was going through some real shit at the time and when all that was over I sort of said to him "all right, let's try a relationship". Because, you know, he was supportive and nice and I thought he was kinda cute. (Note that he was all over me and made it clear that he wasn't satisfied with being just a friend from the very beginning.)

Quote:
Also, I'm not trying to be rude here, but wasn't it a bit awkward telling people? How did your friends and parents and stuff react?

My parents were fine with it.

My friends ... well ... sadly, most people's reaction was "OMG, IT'S NOT GONNA WORK". Some people apparently think that you need to be within five miles of your significant other or he's going to hump every woman he sees. this is an emo emoticon, get it??? EMO-TICON!!!

this is an emo emoticon, get it??? EMO-TICON!!!

Though thankfully, all my /close/ friends (all ... four of them) reacted positively.

And this is where all the people here who also visit OD double up with laughter because they know who /exactly/ my boyfriend is and just how obsessed he was/is with me.

EDIT: And I'm entirely serious about him and we plan to get married once I'm eighteen. Hell, we'd do it earlier, but it's too much legal trouble.

Sul

This reply was last edited on 07-23-06 06:53:22 PM by Alloy.

goatsnacks
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It just sort of happened, frosty. I was introduced to Amanda through a friend who found her by clicking on the main page of DA. He said we were alike in some ways and I'd probably like being friends.

My friends thought I was nuts and mostly a shut-in. I did spend very little time off the computer. My parents thought for sure she was a he and I'd be in for a surprise.

I just put my trust into it and it worked. I guess it's luck, or fate. I dunno.

Pertti Susilainen
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Quoted from frosty:
Yeah, I mean all joking aside they'd be unlikely to be a literal psychopath, but the chances of them just being really annoying or the two of you being awkward in each other's company and not getting on would be significant.

Sometimes I think about what plans I'd made if someone came over and then feel a bit of frustration as I imagine it wouldn't be as fun as those meetings people post about seem to be.

Quoted from Alloy:
And this is where all the people here who also visit OD double up with laughter because they know who /exactly/ my boyfriend is and just how obsessed he was/is with me.

I must admit I laughed at him quite often for what I perceived as "drooling over a female that might as well not acknowledge his existence".

Quoted from Aaron:
I was introduced to Amanda

Snowy!

Snowy
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Yah, not this Amanda but I fully support this method of meeting people, indeed i've known many good folk who have formed healthy relationships thanks to the net, including marriage. It's just another way of introduction and just as safe as meeting someone in a bar. Of course sick people trawl the internet, just like they have done IRL for thousands of years, preying upon the weak of mind...the lonely...the pathetic....

Personally I live so far away it makes such a thing quite a production. It's better to visit people during the course of a holiday than to have the pressure of meeting someone from another country on a romantic basis. What if it works out? Someone has to uproot their entire life and migrate. In the past great romances were struck up via letter, couples went years between meetings and shared their hopes and dreams via quill and parchment. In this fragmented and disrupted world I think it's lovely when people strike up a closeness via words and voice alone, then endevour to meet.

Personally i've had a lot of fun with the people i've met from online, even tho one of them turned out to be a cliched lying sex weasel. The other was a meaningful relationship that lasted 3 years, so I bare the internet no grudges but am wary of allowing it to happen again due to the inevitable physical distance that really is quite painful.

I enjoy tormenting you.

Alloy
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It's odd that the distance between Danny and myself doesn't really bother me as much as people think it does. Sure, it's painful and I've cried myself to sleep a couple of times because he's not with me, but it's not the unbearable relationship killer that most people think it is. Hell, if they could manage it in the 12th Century before they even had a reliable way of mailing, we in the 21st Century, with a webcam and a mic, can surely manage it.

Props to Snowy for putting it a lot better than I did.

EDIT:

Quote:
I must admit I laughed at him quite often for what I perceived as "drooling over a female that might as well not acknowledge his existence".

Actually, I /was/ aware of his existence, I just ... meh. To be honest, I never thought he was serious until he admitted to feeling suicidal when my "look, I just DON'T LIKE YOU IN THAT WAY" message finally sank in. 'Course, I'm thankful as fuck for us ending up together in the end. Best thing that happened to me, easily.

Sul

This reply was last edited on 07-23-06 07:23:59 PM by Alloy.

Snowy
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Well for me the distance was extreme, 30 hours in the air to get to him. It was harder once i'd lived with him and had to return due to Visa restrictions, basically we had to marry for me to stay and it's weird when you realise you're in love but not enough to marry to stay together, such a revelation brings it's own pain.

If someone was suicidal because I didnt share his feelings i'd run a mile ;/

I enjoy tormenting you.

Alloy
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Quote:
Well for me the distance was extreme, 30 hours in the air to get to him. It was harder once i'd lived with him and had to return due to Visa restrictions, basically we had to marry for me to stay and it's weird when you realise you're in love but not enough to marry to stay together, such a revelation brings it's own pain.

I guess I understand, though I hope I'll never be in that situation. MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS

Quote:

If someone was suicidal because I didnt share his feelings i'd run a mile ;/

It was weird, really. I remember reading the incredibly long letter he wrote and crying, thinking "why can't I love you back?" (at the time I was stuck on another guy, who turned out to be an arse).

I basically took pity on him (maybe because we seemed to be incredibly alike) and ... I dunno. It kind of grew from there. I didn't expect to fall for him as hard as I did.

Sul

Snowy
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That's a lovely story, Alloy. I'd just like to say that you're a pleasure to read, you seem like a really good person and you seem to make your own mind up about things. Im sure he knows how lucky he is by this point of proceedings.

I enjoy tormenting you.

Spiff
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So far I've met two people in person whom I initially came into contact with from using Myspace. The first is someone who randomly friended me and whom I began talking to a lot (at the time, almost every day) after that. I met her about three months after we started talking, when she came to Chicago to pay a visit to Columbia College. We had lunch together, went to a concert, and then walked around the loop for a while. We met up the next night as well and hung out with some of her other friends (whom I'd never met, online or otherwise). She's become a good friend to me, though lately we haven't been talking as much (in fact, hardly at all) because I don't have as much time to sit around on AIM. I'll probably see her more often come fall, as we're going to be attending the same university (albeit in different years and programs).

The second person I've met online sent me a flirtatious PM. After talking to her a few times, first on AIM and then on the phone, I decided she was nice and not a spambot. We met not long after (unlike the first, she lives relatively near to me) and hit it off very well. So well, in fact, that we've been together for over eight months. big grin

I can't categorically infer from two cases that it's easier to meet people I get along with online, but I have to admit that when you feel a connection with someone else based on a first impression, the more information you have to base that first impression on the stronger it is (which is what you get if someone maintains an extensive profile or blog somewhere), and if you are able to confirm that first impression's accuracy (without expecting it to necessarily be flawless), it'd be hard to deny that a very real and substantial connection has developed in the process.

That said, I agree physical distance can really be quite trying once said relationship exists. There really is no substitute for being with your friends and loved ones, but at least the internet is a useful tool for keeping in touch.

kayte
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I have met a bunch of people from the internet, in fact I guess most of the people I currently hang out with have been met through in the internet in some capacity or another.

Alloy
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Quote:
That's a lovely story, Alloy. I'd just like to say that you're a pleasure to read, you seem like a really good person and you seem to make your own mind up about things. Im sure he knows how lucky he is by this point of proceedings.

Thank you. kekeke u give soj???

I'm sure he realises his luck, since he almost saw me walk off with a guy who's his complete opposite to the extent they're from opposite sides of the country and their last names begin with the last and the first letter of the alphabet.

Joking aside, he practically worships me and we're pretty much joined at the hip. Like I said, best thing to happen to me.

EDIT: I agree with Spiff, it's easier to validate first impressions made on the Internet due to the amount of permanent proof (blogs, forum posts, emails and so on) available.

I also seem to communicate better in written from than face-to-face, so it's easier for me to charm people online.

Sul

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1st e-crush: some girl who I played LoMM with online when I was 13, just ended up chatting for fun and she dissapeared

2nd e-crush: mellie, never told her. Sandy got to her first so I gave up, and realised how silly it was to like someone like that.

then I found someone elsewhere, who struck a cord with me, and I thought was the most gorgeous girl ever, she ended up just being a friend and having a crush on another guy online, which I think she met in the summer of 2004. I started breaking away from her, and after a year of not having trillian, she now has dissapeared from the internet for good. She was pretty shy and wanted to meet one time (planned for summer of 2007, haha) but that went nowhere. She slightly liked me for a while at the beginning, after I clumsily fucked up the whole ordeal by saying I liked her only weeks after meeting. On well.

Quote:
It was weird, really. I remember reading the incredibly long letter he wrote and crying, thinking "why can't I love you back?" (at the time I was stuck on another guy, who turned out to be an arse).

Please tell me it wasnt Brock at OD.

Alloy
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Of course not. omg yah rite fag lol

To know the details, you need to have me on AIM and have earned my trust.

Sul

Squareknight
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XX_mira_fan_Xx

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Okay, because I cant think of anyone else who I'd discribe as an "arse" there within your age range besides me, so he was the first person I thought of.

lizardbreath

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I've met one person from the internet. We only talked for a couple weeks before he came to meet me. But he knows one of my friends. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. I didn't really like his personality. He's too boring and desperate.

My sister and her boyfriend of 5 years met online. They now have a kid together. I've hated him for the whole 5 years, I wish he'd go away. (That's unrelated to the internet part however)

Also, my best friend and her boyfriend of 6 months met on the same site the guy I met started talking to me on. They're doing very well together.

I think it's fine as long as you trust the person you're meeting and you're not a complete idiot about it.

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