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Spazz
The DA: Dumbledore's Army
Didn't donate $500 dollars to INTL!

got way too much shit when she was here

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Recently I have had alot of time to think to myself. I noticed how many times in my life I was ditched by a friend(s) so that he/she/they could go have more fun and chill with someone else. I also know that I have done some ditching. Last night was one of those times. I didn't mean to do it and I did apologize a lot for it. My point is I was wondering when is it ok to ditch people? Some times you have good reason. EX. Couldn't get a hold of the person. Had an emergency. Stuff like that but is it okay to ditch someone because you just don't like them but don't wanna hurt them?

When I say ditch I mean either making up a story to get out of it or just plain not showing up.

*not to sure where this goes but because ID needs more action I put it here.

This reply was last edited on 05-07-03 03:38:53 AM by flaming arrow.

Pascal
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Well, one of my good friends combines with her friends to produce one of the most boring evenings ever. I try to avoid that situation.

TheShadowDawn
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If I don't really like someone and I'm not interested in showing up, then I feel perfectly justified in making excuses. Beforehand. But I don't feel it's right to tell people you're coming and just not show. You should do your best to keep to your commitments unless it's just a very casual arrangement. I don't like the feeling of organizing something and having someone not show. So, if it's someone who I actually give a shit about not upsetting them - as the original post seems to indicate - then I'll try and keep to that commitment.

So my opinion is fair enough, go ahead and deliberately avoid things, but don't not show if you haven't said you're not interested.

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.

flaming arrow
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old time judge suck cock

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If a person is your friend, then you don't go and purposefully ditch them. If you have people purposefully leaving you out and ditching you, then they aren't your friends. Go get new ones. I was sure that this stopped in middle school, but I guess not.

If you don't like a person, tell them so. Dragging them along is just as bad.

Dr. Bashir: "I can't belive you're not pressing charges."
Garak: "Constable Odo and Captain Sisko expressed similar concerns but really doctor, there was no harm done."
Dr. Bashir: "They broke seven of your transverse ribs and fractured your clavicle."
Garak: "Ah, but I got off several cutting remarks which no doubt did serious damage to their egos."
Dr. Bashir: "Garak, this isn't funny."
Garak: "I'm serious doctor. Thanks to your administrations, I'm almost completely healed but the damage I did to them will last a lifetime."

Spazz
The DA: Dumbledore's Army
Didn't donate $500 dollars to INTL!

got way too much shit when she was here

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There are people out there I can only stand in moderation. What do I say to them. "Oh I like you just not that much"?

Smokey
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fuck this title

funkle smokey

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Over the course of my life I have ditched every person I've ever had any kind of relationship with in one way or another. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, so you can rest assured there is.

Yes, that was the answer, wait and watch, watch and wait. The thunder rolled around for long hours, denying her sleep until nearly four. When, finally, she did sleep, it was the slumber of a watcher and waiter. Light, and full of sighs.

Baggy_Brad
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Quote:
What do I say to them. "Oh I like you just not that much"?

Why not?

Personally, if I don't want to do something with someone, I tell them I can't be bothered. As for being ditched, well, if someone like Craig ditches me to spend time with a woman, I can understand that.

Go on, do it, you know you want to...

PopRocks

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yeah, that's something of an issue when i come home from college, since one of my closest friend's is dating this chick none of my friends can stand. so a lot of times people will make last minute plans and pretend to simultaneously leave thier cell phones off so they don't have to worry about this guy showing up with his girlfriend. it's so frustrating cause he's so whipped he brings her everywhere, and when we actually do invite him, she ruins the evening. i hate ditching him because he's such a close friend, but you really can't get him out without the girl, it's a sad situation.

i love sarah gourley

Jota

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If you don't want to hang out with the guy, instead of fucking him over and having him wait somewhere for you where you will never come, just call him before hand and cancel or never arrange something in the first place. If he asks you to do something tell him you are really busy right now and you'll back to him as soon as you can and maybe set something up. That way you can dictate when you two see each other since it sounds like you only like him sometimes.

My Karma Ran Over My Dogma

Scruffy - The Janitor
Alcoholics Anonymous
While anarchy can often turn a humdrum weekend into something unforgettable, eventually the mob must be kept from stealing the conch and killing Piggy.

Pimpin is just a haircut and a shave away!

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It's always a good idea to call the person at home, not just their cell, if you're trying to get ahold of them.

The true meaning of Alvistime is drinkin'. Drinkin' and revenge. Now drink with me deeply of the burbon scotch and rye until which time as we are fighting drunk. Then we shall find and beat the asses of the non-believers.

Why can't we not be sober? Just want to start this over. Why can't we drink forever? I just want to start this over.

Zippo
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Quoted from Spazz:
There are people out there I can only stand in moderation. What do I say to them. "Oh I like you just not that much"?

People that you can stand only in moderation aren't your friends. They are acquaintances. And who says that you have to accept all of their invitations? If you don't want to hang out with them at times, then don't hang out with them.

"Cat, you're an endless source of entertainment, but right now I'm requesting that you shut up." - Marq

Spazz
The DA: Dumbledore's Army
Didn't donate $500 dollars to INTL!

got way too much shit when she was here

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Quoted from Zippo279:
Quoted from Spazz:
There are people out there I can only stand in moderation. What do I say to them. "Oh I like you just not that much"?

People that you can stand only in moderation aren't your friends. They are acquaintances. And who says that you have to accept all of their invitations? If you don't want to hang out with them at times, then don't hang out with them.

not all are acquaintances. My mom for instance. I can only stand her in moderation.

Coca-Cola
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MY WIG-WAM WOKS!

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OK, so are we talking about being stood up here or blown off or being left at the bus stop on a rainy day?

I've been ditched by people who I thought were my friends. As Zippo said, they are acquaintances. I've done the same thing back to annoying people who think that I actually give a fuck about them or their lives. I'm never mean though, I'll pretend I'm busy or go on invisible or something like that so they never catch on and the cycle continues and they keep calling me and I keep trying to hide the fact from others who I'd rather impress that I'm actually associating with these people! It's all about confidence, and getting to the top of the "coolness" hiarchy.

Marijuana is living proof that big things do come in small packages.

Jesus - "men having sex with men = gay"
Zippo279 - "Lick and blow. Lick and blow."

Smokey
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fuck this title

funkle smokey

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10 bucks says Jota has massive experience on the opposite side of this issue.

I've never been ditched by friends because I've always had a distanced relationship with them anyway, I could call them all aquaintances actually and say that aside from Selene I have no friends at all, but that sounds lame so I'll call them friends and say I have many. So, yeah, I have many many friends and I've never been ditched, unless you count my first 3 girlfriends. Bitches.

Spazz
The DA: Dumbledore's Army
Didn't donate $500 dollars to INTL!

got way too much shit when she was here

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Quoted from Arnok:
It's always a good idea to call the person at home, not just their cell, if you're trying to get ahold of them.

I said I was sorry. MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS

Guy Tuttle and Ass
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gotta get that VICTORY ROYALE #gamer #memes #LoL

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Like, there's this one guy, named Greg, and he's really shy. When he does talk, he does it very quietly and very quickly, so I guess it's sort of like a fast mumble. Anyway, you'll be standing there, listening to a conversation, and he'll start talking but you won't hear him, right? So sooner or later you realize he's talking to you but by that time he's already gotten to the part of the story where the his washing machine actually turns out to be a vampire (I'm not kidding, he actually talks like this), and you can either crush him and say "Sorry, I didn't hear you for the last five minutes, can you repeat yourself?" and in the process doom you to the loss of another five minutes of your life that you'll never ever get back, or you can just wait until he finishes and then pretend to laugh and feel bad later.

I mean for real this time, or at least just kinda try!

Smokey
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fuck this title

funkle smokey

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Quoted from ice:
Like, there's this one guy, named Greg, and he's really shy. When he does talk, he does it very quietly and very quickly, so I guess it's sort of like a fast mumble. Anyway, you'll be standing there, listening to a conversation, and he'll start talking but you won't hear him, right? So sooner or later you realize he's talking to you but by that time he's already gotten to the part of the story where the his washing machine actually turns out to be a vampire (I'm not kidding, he actually talks like this), and you can either crush him and say "Sorry, I didn't hear you for the last five minutes, can you repeat yourself?" and in the process doom you to the loss of another five minutes of your life that you'll never ever get back, or you can just wait until he finishes and then pretend to laugh and feel bad later.

I'm starting to feel like I'm on spank. Why would you feel bad if you just pretended to laugh and what is uninteresting about a washing machine turning out to be a vampire? Don't you want to know how such a phenomena can occur? Go back and ask him and listen carefully, then come back and tell us. And grow some balls, seriously how bad does this stuff make you feel? It's not like you had a threesome with his mother and his girlfriend.

"most deffently" - Spazz

Guy Tuttle and Ass
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gotta get that VICTORY ROYALE #gamer #memes #LoL

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I feel bad because it's impolite not to listen to someone, dumb shit.

I mean for real this time, or at least just kinda try!

peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Firstly, if I were ice, I'd feel bad, too. The guy doesn't realize he doesn't talk loud enough for people to hear, but he'd feel like a jackass if he realized he just blabbed about a vampire washing machine to himself for the past five minutes. I'm sure your whole "no one's feelings matter" thing works wonders for you, but in real life emotions are taken into account.

Anyway, I'd like to go on the record to say that if you enjoy someone's company in moderation, they can still very easily be classified as your friend instead of your aquaintance.
This can probably be best understood by people who've lived with thier friends or stayed with them for more than a week; it happens that you need time to be alone or time to spend one on one with people. Plus, certain people have a habit of clinging to individuals when you first become friends, and this does more harm than good to the relationship in the end. You need your space and so do they. Just because you don't want to spend every night of the week with said person doesn't mean they are any less of a friend to you. I can think of maybe ten people in the world (which isn't that much if you think of how many friends you've ever had) that I'd be able to stand even four hours a day every day for a few weeks. It's just all about limitation, and the fact that the less time you spend together, the more unique and fun the time you do spend together becomes.

if you're going to change the world...

you can't change me.

Smokey
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funkle smokey

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Quoted from ice:
I feel bad because it's impolite not to listen to someone, dumb shit.

You didn't even know he was talking! And in that case it seems to me the most polite thing to do would be appologise and ask him to repeat, that way he'd accept your appology, laugh it off, and be satisfied that you displayed actual interest in what he has to say, or maybe frustrated but I'd doubt you'd hurt his feelings.

"most deffently" - Spazz

Smokey
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funkle smokey

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Quoted from peach:
Firstly, if I were ice, I'd feel bad, too. The guy doesn't realize he doesn't talk loud enough for people to hear, but he'd feel like a jackass if he realized he just blabbed about a vampire washing machine to himself for the past five minutes. I'm sure your whole "no one's feelings matter" thing works wonders for you, but in real life emotions are taken into account.

Don't put words in my mouth. I may not be the best friend around but I care about peoples feelings, to an extent. I wouldn't feel bad for pretending to laugh after hearing the last bit of vampire washing machine, knowing it was nothing I'd respond to otherwise, and his feelings aren't hurt because I've masked the truth that I guess would hurt his feelings. Masking truths, that's what you do to protect peoples feelings all the time, feeling as if you did the right thing, by lying to this friend of yours. I really don't follow that road, normally. Blunt honesty can hurt feelings but I prefer things to be out in the open, and feelings get hurt. And when I say blunt honesty I don't mean insulting someone, but respectfully presenting them with truths reguarding your friendship or lack thereof, I think it's better for them I tell the truth then let them tag along and lie to them constantly. Wasting both our time. And small things like this I take pretty lightly, this particular situation. It's petty. And either way is good enough for me, I just missed some inane praddle, I'd probably just tell him I didn't hear what he said, but with the deeper emotions I take just as much heed as you do. If not more. Don't put words in my mouth.

"most deffently" - Spazz

Skye
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Being ditched/uninvited really isn't cool--I've been down that road many times.

But when you've been ditched or something similar a certain amount of times, you just should move on from it and not take it too seriously. Let it chill for a while until something comes up and you and the other person(s) are ready to hang out.

About the ice situation--I do agree with what Smokey says about apologizing, but if you can, listen to what he says, then try to steer the conversation to something related or semi-relevant so that you two can find common ground on something and it's not too awkward or seems impolite.

And to comment on what peach said...heh, I've always been one of those people who comes on too strong or tries too hard--and your advice is pretty much correct on that front.

In the someday...what's that sound?

peach
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You told him to "grow some balls" because he didn't tell the guy who presumably has been told to repeat himself countless times to repeat himself. I think you just used harsh words when you didn't mean to.

If I were in that situation, I wouldn't fake laugh because that's something I never do. I'm not mean or anything, I just don't do it because when people fake laugh for my benefit it seems more insulting and patronizing more than anything, but I would certainly smile and possibly make it seem as though I'd be listening, because otherwise I come off as the jerk to him because I wasn't listening. I'm sure he didn't know that he's speaking so low.

And anyway, to Skye; Yes, completely. That's me absolutely, I don't often meet people who I truly enjoy spending time with, so I tend to overdo it. Lucky for me at least, I know that I do this, so I can sort of moderate my own actions in that degree.
I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but you get that whole new friend high thing going on when you meet someone and everything sort of clicks. Everything is so fresh and pristine for that amount of time, and you want to take advantage of that. For those few hours or days or weeks that you can spend together before the inevitable hardship occurs, it's so beautiful. I'm addicted to that high, I suppose.

Smokey
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funkle smokey

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Quoted from peach:
You told him to "grow some balls" because he didn't tell the guy who presumably has been told to repeat himself countless times to repeat himself. I think you just used harsh words when you didn't mean to.

I told him to grow balls because he felt bad about it, I can appologise for the harsh words, but I just don't understand why he'd feel so bad about it considering that he probably tells all sorts of lies probably in greater situations for the sake of peoples feelings. Whether he was honest or not atleast he didn't hurt the guys feelings, and then it's a dead issue, small matter. Just don't see the point in feeling bad for it later. I am a prick, I think we all know that by now, Arnok made it clear, but I have a soul, give me some credit huh?

Quoted from peach:
For those few hours or days or weeks that you can spend together before the inevitable hardship occurs, it's so beautiful. I'm addicted to that high, I suppose.

I'm the same way but its normally only in that moment and I tend to move on, I just don't like making commitments feels sort of like a restriction. As far as most friendships are cocnerned. And then there are the few people that do stay in my life for longer than a day or two, mostly co-workers or someone I'm forced to spend a certain ammount of time with, that I cant help but to get to know them better, and those end up being the people I consider friends, the ones out of them I actually like ofcourse, but I still value my space from them. Work buddies aren't particularly demanding anyway. Which is good.

"most deffently" - Spazz

Mojo
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Big Mamma Bitch

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Before caller ID, I had a problem with a good friend's wife. He travelled a lot in the comedy business, and we really enjoyed the both of them when my ex and I visited them or they came to our house, but on the telephone, this woman was freaking murder. I get antsy when I'm tethered to a phone conversation for more than a few minutes, anyway; she could stay on for literally TWO HOURS while I would search for a way to break in and end the call. And most of her stories ended with, "So I told her..." You know, someone who encountered personal difficulties with a manager every time she went into a store, or ripped some clerk or waiter a new asshole a day. The hard part was that I honestly liked her when she and her husband were together; he had a way of bringing out her funny nature which was just sadly missing when he wasn't around. I actually had my husband go outside and ring the doorbell upon occasion, just so I could go, "Whoops, there's my mother-in-law, I'll call you back." I felt bad if I didn't call back within the next day, but sometimes you just don't have the energy to listen to someone bitch about every little thing which crosses their minds.

I've become a lot more assertive in life since then. Except now I'm hiding from my neighbor because I've decided I don't want to go out with him after all, and I'm dreading the breakup talk. Shit!

Marijn: Those final swaying moments,
where time draws its dying breath;

Let us kiss then

Eternity can run its course
in rapture everlasting.

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