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old.jimmy
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(Originally posted on: 05-27-02 01:51:27 AM)
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[edited for television]

some of you may or may not know that i work for freakin AOL as a technical support representative. the pay's great, but the job sucks.

you must be asking yourself now, "what can i, being so subordinate to such a mysterious, powerful and sexy man such as jimmy, do to help him in his noble quest for cash?"

the answer, my flock, is you can help me find new and creative ways in which to tell people to fuck off and suck my dick. i'm tired of the damn job, and want to install sprinkler systems for the summer. i'll start the list.

1. ma'am, i've told you before. the reason you can't get connected to AOL is that your computer is cluttered with gay-midget-interracial-snuff-anal-lesbian-goat porn. your computer has morals, don't you think you should?

2. sir, i'd love to help you with your problems, but i really am truly busy filing my fingernails right now. do you think you could call back later?

3. judy, i know that you think not being able to connect to certain web sites is a serious problem, but what do you think the children in ethiopia do when they can't get to websites? call and bitch at me? i don't think so.

4. continue, please....
What if your hands were spoons? So what? Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
This reply was last edited on 05-27-02 02:01:00 AM by old.jimmy.
NNY
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Reply 1 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 01:57:17 AM)
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well, if you're looking to get fired why not just sit at your computer all day looking at porn like any normal person who hates their job would do?
The Penis Mightier
old.jimmy
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Reply 2 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 01:58:10 AM)
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i'm going to get fired one way or another. i might as well take some poor sap on the phone down with me.
What if your hands were spoons? So what? Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
NNY
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Reply 3 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 02:13:25 AM)
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get them to reformat their hard drive, thats always a great one.
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boutitben
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Reply 4 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 02:17:13 AM)
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If you don't mind being destructive, have them delete a couple of important files or something. Then they will end up with a non-working computer and most likely not able to reformat.

Hell, if you're using AOL and calling technical service, you certainly aren't the brightest when it comes to computers. How is one of these people going to know that what you told them is wrong?
NNY
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Reply 5 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 02:26:13 AM)
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short of destroying the physical drive, you cant 'not be able to reformat'. how do you think drives come when you buy them? blank, you always have to start somewhere. no matter what you do to the files the drive can always be reformated, unless as i said the hardware its self is damaged.
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boutitben
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Reply 6 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 02:46:59 AM)
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Oh, yeah, that's true. I was implying they would be too stupid to figure out how to reformat.
NNY
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Reply 7 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 02:47:44 AM)
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nah, they'd just call up dell or gateway or whatever company ripped them off originaly.
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Reply 8 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 03:21:12 AM)
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If you're bilingual, you could switch between languages randomly and then pretend like it never happened.
The position being taken is not to be mistaken for attempted education or righteous accusation, only a description, just an observation of the pitiful condition of our degeneration.
old.jimmy
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Reply 9 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 03:23:59 AM)
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i've always thought about answering the phone in german just to get people to hang up. what would be funnier would to answer the phone and say "no habla engles." and if they start speaking spanish, saying "i'm sorry, i don't understand spanish."
What if your hands were spoons? So what? Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
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Reply 10 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 04:29:37 AM)
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Make them think their problem is worse than it actually is.

Convince them they have to return their computer because the store sold them a sabotaged one. Make up a bunch of fake lingo like "Your XE port drive is misaligned and you need a new floppy drive format runner." Have them tell that to the guy at the computer store.
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Reply 11 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 05:04:44 PM)
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Dude, it's all about the random tech jibberish.

You need to defrag enough Ram in the form of gigahurtz in order to maintain a stable hard-drive. If you don't have your quantum port handy, just use the F drive.
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Ztolk
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definitely threw the blue lego

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Reply 12 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 05:48:15 PM)
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You could always talk dirtybig grin
01001001011001100010000001111001011011110111010100
10000001110011011001010110010100100000011101000110
10000110100101110011001000000111100101101111011
10101001000000110100001100001011101100110010100100000
01101110011011110010000001101100011010010110011001100101
izzy

used to be really horrible

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Reply 13 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 06:00:40 PM)
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I think that's the point.
Izzy[/w]
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Reply 14 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 06:04:11 PM)
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Start hitting on them.
I am ahead.
I am advanced.
I am the first mammal to wear pants.
Yeah.
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Reply 15 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 06:24:44 PM)
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If this phone stuff doesn't work out for you, throw your feces at any co-workers you don't like.
"In two hundred years the NRA will be reduced to a dusty handgun exhibit in the "Cause and Effect: The End Of Idiots in America" section of local museums. Yes, it's a long time to wait, but it will happen."
-Mary Dugger, in The History of Lesbian Hair
boutitben
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Reply 16 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 06:29:59 PM)
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Personally if I was him, I'd be keeping the hands off of the feces. Maybe you could construct some sort of catapult, though.
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Reply 17 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 07:46:07 PM)
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During the middle of the conversation say "Jesus Christ, my sack itches... Ah, that's better."
SALLY OWNED FA!!!!!! -Wheezy

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Reply 18 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 09:51:19 PM)
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ROFLMAO!
When I lit my pants on fire, it felt like a cool breeze. Or maybe that was the time I fell into a frozen lake...
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Reply 19 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 09:57:39 PM)
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Quote:
ROFLMAO!


Sic 'im.
boutitben
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Reply 20 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 10:01:47 PM)
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"LOOK HOW CONFUSED I AM"
This reply was last edited on 05-27-02 10:14:25 PM by boutitben.
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Reply 21 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 10:13:21 PM)
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Titben, you aren't confusing Phenix with Phoenix are you?
"In two hundred years the NRA will be reduced to a dusty handgun exhibit in the "Cause and Effect: The End Of Idiots in America" section of local museums. Yes, it's a long time to wait, but it will happen."
-Mary Dugger, in The History of Lesbian Hair
boutitben
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Reply 22 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 10:14:02 PM)
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Umm... I very well may be... there are two different ones?
uselessinformation
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Reply 23 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 10:19:10 PM)
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Yes, there are.
"In two hundred years the NRA will be reduced to a dusty handgun exhibit in the "Cause and Effect: The End Of Idiots in America" section of local museums. Yes, it's a long time to wait, but it will happen."
-Mary Dugger, in The History of Lesbian Hair
boutitben
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Reply 24 of 55 (Originally posted on: 05-27-02 10:20:14 PM)
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Well, that's a bitch. My mistake.
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