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old time judge suck cock

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(Originally posted on: 12-31-02 10:14:04 PM)
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Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the First Bi-Monthly Stanknogger Memorial Awards Show! Now let's give your host Flaming Arrow a big hand!

Crappy music intro, camera pans over the crowd and stops at Flaming Arrow, standing before the podium on the stage

Disenheartened applause

FA: Well, after letting the voting go on for much longer then it should have, it's time for the presentations. A lot of surprises here, and I'm short on time, so let's get on with the show! Our first category is Favorite Forumer! *opens envelope* And the winner is....Wow! What a surprise! The winner is NNY!

Crowd cheers, applauds

FA: Sadly, NNY cannot be with us right now. He's downtown sleeping off a drinking binge in the local drunk tank. But we'll be sure to mail this award to him! Now, on to the next category, Least Favorite Forumer! *opens envelope* Yes, it's no surprise here, the winner, er..loser is Idiot-Boy!

Idiot Boy jumps up, pumps fist, and runs to get his award but is stopped by MBS, Zeus and Chico who violently beat him to death

FA: Uh, well, we'll just bury this award with him. The next category is Favorite Staffer! *opens envelope* And the winner is...Izzy!

Rest of the staffers groan, Tyr mutters "We didn't stand a chance.." Izzy runs up and grabs his award happily.

FA: On to the next category! Funniest Forumer had a lot of good contenders, but the winner blew everyone else away! That winner being, Baggy Brad!

Brad, being eight feet tall, walks to the podium in three steps, picks FA up, takes award between two fingers, bows, knocks down some lighting while bowing, and walks away

FA: Jesus Christ...and, uh, well, yes. The next category is Craziest Forumer, and the winner here also blew the rest of the competition away. That winner being, of course, Drahnier! Sadly, Drahnier couldn't be here as he is with NNY in that very same drunk tank sleeping off a drinking binge as well. We'll be sure to mail this to him.

FA: The next category is Best Avatar, and this was a very close race! In fact, there's a three-way tie for second! But, in the end, Ztolk came out winner!

Ztolk strides up to get his award while the three tied for second place fight each other for the second place certificate

FA: The next category is Best Signature, and the winner here is a bit of a surprise! That winner being Kitabatake! Sadly, Kita's at a local hospital recuperating from several broken ribs and a concussion he incurred during a recent paintball war. We'll be sure to send this award to him.

FA: The next category was last-minute addition, and didn't get that many nominations. It was a pretty close race, but, in the end, Sandamnit won the Best Location category. Congratulations, Sandamnit! Unfortunately, Sandamnit is at home right now, not wanting to spend his evening with such "dirty proletariat." We'll be sure he gets this award!

FA: The next category is Best Artist, and I don't think I need to go on. Izzy, get up here and take your damn award.

Izzy happily bounds up to the stage to zero applause, takes his award, bows, and then takes his seat again

FA: Yeah, well, let's get this thing over with. The Favorite Nerd category is another category that was very predictable. Socrateius, come take your award.

Socrateius walks up to the stage in a Starfleet uniform, takes his award, flash the crowd the "Live Long and Prosper" handsign, and then takes his seat

FA: *looks at piece of paper in hand* Sigh, yes, this category was also very predictable. The winner of the Sexiest Female Forumer category is, of course, Melanie!

Melanie struts up to the stage, takes her award, twirls around, then sits back down

FA: The next category was a very close race. Three people tied for second, and two people tied for first! Those two are both Europeans, and both sexy beasts, I'm talking about JamesMartigo and Drahnier!

JamesMartigo jumps up, runs up on stage and grabs his award

JamesMartigo: Hahaha! Seeing on how that drunk Drahnier is off in jail, I'll just keep this award all for mys-

James is hit in the back of the head with a chair, and collapses

Drahnier runs up from behind him, grabs the award, and runs off


FA: That was odd...

Five armed police officers storm the stage, look around for Drahnier, then head backstage looking for him

FA: Uh, yes, onto the next category, Favorite Couple! And it's no surprise here, the winners are Socrateius and Dimi, by a landslide!

Socrateius and Dimi skip up to the stage hand-in-hand, take their awards, then skip back to their seats

FA: That has to be the gayest thing I've ever seen. Oh, right, the next category is Favorite Newbie! This was a pretty close race, as the person in second place had one less vote then the winner. That winner being, Vervet!

JamesMartigo comes to, stands up, wobbles from side to side

JamesMartigo: Did...did I win the balloon, mummy?

FA: What? Shut up. You lost, Vervet won.

JamesMartigo: I want the balloon, mummy!

Drahnier runs back on stage with the chair in hand, cracks James over the head once more, then runs out a side door

Five armed police officers run by, chasing after Drahnier

Vervet runs up on stage, steps on JamesMartigo's head, takes her award, and heads back to her seat

FA: Thank God, we're almost done with this thing. The next category had only ONE nomination, and therefore that nominee is automatically the winner. That nominee being TheFerret, of course. Sadly, Theferret couldn't be here, as he's a fucking asshole and not welcome around here.

Door bursts open, Theferret steps in

Theferret: I've come to get my award!

Drahnier runs up from behind Theferret and into the crowd

Theferret: What was that all about?

Several police officers run up from behind Ferret, and tackle him

Officer: We've finally got you, you stupid Swedish motherfucker!
Theferret: What?? I'm not him! Really! I'm not! My name's Ferret! I swear to God!
Officer2: Yeah, right, you aren't pulling that "I've found Jesus" shit on us again!
Officers drag Ferret away in handcuffs

Camera pans to Drahnier, sitting next to Melanie

Drahnier: So, looks like we're both sexy. Wanna have sex?
Melanie slaps Drahnier, then gets up and leaves
Drahnier: God damn it.
JamesMartigo moans from the stage
Drahnier: Shut the fuck up, you Dutch pussy! *throws popcorn bucket at James*

FA: Well, alright then. On to the next category, Favorite Heathen! This time we've got ANOTHER tie! *muffled curse in Swedish* What was that? Nevermind, the winners are NNY and Drahnier! Drahnier is here to accept the award for NNY, who's still in the drunk tank sleeping off a binge.

Drahnier strolls up, grabs award, kicks James in the side as he walks off the stage

FA: The next, and next-to-last category, thank God, is Most Missed Forumer! We've had a lot of good forumers come and go, but the one you voted as most missed is Kyrie! And, sadly, she's not here. So we'll put this award in a glass case in her honor.

Drahnier runs back up to the stage, whispers in FA's ear

Drahnier: Can I have that award?

FA: What? No, fuck you! Go sit down!

Drahnier: God damn it.. *takes his seat*

FA: Now, the LAST and FINAL category is Favorite Gay/Bi Forumer! This time there is no tie, no "close race", it's yet another landslide! The winner is Danielle!

Danielle walks to the stage, takes her award, then takes her seat

FA: Alright, that's it for now. The next awards show won't be until Feburary, thank-fucking-God! *walks off*

Stanknogger Memorial Awards would like to thank Kitabatake Accounting Inc. for tallying the results
Stanknogger Memorial Awards would also like to thank Cheap Warehouses Corporation for providing a place to hold the awards

Quotes by Drahnier
son of reinhard: my cock hurts again
son of reinhard: ive had semen in my mouth
son of reinhard: get these penises out of my face
son of reinhard: can i whine some more about how my penis hurts?
son of reinhard: save some of your juices in a jar and mail it to me
son of reinhard: also send me your used panties
son of reinhard: i make baloon animals with my cock
son of reinhard: i often want to have sex with little girls
Baggy_Brad
FIGJAM

Cool.

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Reply 1 of 19 (Originally posted on: 12-31-02 10:36:49 PM)
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Drahnier hit James on his Hand! That's comedy GOLD!
I'm a Bloody Aussie!

Scrivens told me what he did to a little kid once. He gave him candy. Meat Candy... The Hackey Central Times
NNY
Alcoholics Anonymous
Forum Drunkard

Staying in alone, with my cat.

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Reply 2 of 19 (Originally posted on: 12-31-02 10:44:40 PM)
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weirdos.
SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA

Bow Down! Bow Down! Before the power of Santa, or be crushed! Be crushed! By his jolly boots of DOOM.

Bow Down! Bow Down! Before the power of Santa, or be crushed! Be crushed! By his jolly boots of DOOM.
Air Bud
Internet Superstar

Some plants even masturbate into their own vaginas in order to reproduce.

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Reply 3 of 19 (Originally posted on: 12-31-02 11:37:34 PM)
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Yay! I won Best Location! Awesome! Best Location! BEST LOCATION! How the fuck did I win best location?
Baggy_Brad
FIGJAM

Cool.

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Reply 4 of 19 (Originally posted on: 12-31-02 11:45:02 PM)
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Quote:
Yay! I won Best Location! Awesome! Best Location! BEST LOCATION! How the fuck did I win best location?


People thought it would be best if you received a symbolic award for acheiving naything because they fear you so much.
I'm a Bloody Aussie!

Scrivens told me what he did to a little kid once. He gave him candy. Meat Candy... The Hackey Central Times
Melanie
Banned for having ideals.

I boned Sandamnit

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Reply 5 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 01:29:35 AM)
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Quote:
Melanie struts up to the stage, takes her award, twirls around, then sits back down


I don't think I could twirl, strut and sit rihtn otw without falling on my face.

Mmm.. sexy... :9
Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly
uselessinformation
I wasted my fucking time earning this title

cutesy gonzo journalism reference

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Reply 6 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 01:45:04 AM)
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Wait, wasn't Vervet supposed to get knocked up in a closet or something?
What people are saying about my cock and/or cock thread:
FA: That is one ugly-ass cock. Hessian: It looks fucking swoolen(sic). Mellie: Nice cock. Fisher: I'm going to um..pretend that's not your wanker ...bye. Pixies: that's your penis. Vervet: ::leaves:: Socky: We're penis brothers! Drah: i guess i should have known better than to open a thread named "Ladies and gentlemen, my cock" in the schools computer room JamesMartigo: What.... in the world... possessed you to post this? Surt: Baby jesus; cries... Dani: I think the fact he posted it is hilarious. The fact that I saw it isn't a laughing matter. Titben: i dunno, you have to give him points for doing the unexpected
NNY
Alcoholics Anonymous
Forum Drunkard

Staying in alone, with my cat.

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Reply 7 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 01:48:41 AM)
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which catagory was that in?
SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA SANTA

Bow Down! Bow Down! Before the power of Santa, or be crushed! Be crushed! By his jolly boots of DOOM.

Bow Down! Bow Down! Before the power of Santa, or be crushed! Be crushed! By his jolly boots of DOOM.
uselessinformation
I wasted my fucking time earning this title

cutesy gonzo journalism reference

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Reply 8 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 02:00:47 AM)
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I think it was the "entertaining this that are going to happen at the ceremony" category.
What people are saying about my cock and/or cock thread:
FA: That is one ugly-ass cock. Hessian: It looks fucking swoolen(sic). Mellie: Nice cock. Fisher: I'm going to um..pretend that's not your wanker ...bye. Pixies: that's your penis. Vervet: ::leaves:: Socky: We're penis brothers! Drah: i guess i should have known better than to open a thread named "Ladies and gentlemen, my cock" in the schools computer room JamesMartigo: What.... in the world... possessed you to post this? Surt: Baby jesus; cries... Dani: I think the fact he posted it is hilarious. The fact that I saw it isn't a laughing matter. Titben: i dunno, you have to give him points for doing the unexpected
Melanie
Banned for having ideals.

I boned Sandamnit

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Reply 9 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 04:31:13 AM)
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Poor Vervet. MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
Bat your eyes girl, be otherworldly
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 10 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 07:51:16 AM)
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I'll protect her.. With my favourite gay/bi award! *swings around dual-use dick and pussy golden plated award*

*smacks drahnier by accident*
Uhm, shit....

*drags drah into closet*
Baggy_Brad says: I woke up this afternoon and my room smelt like semen
Flaming Arrow 55: i want to get a girl drunk and have her eat out my ass, then ask her how it tasted when she wakes up in the morning. it'd freak her out.
son of reinhard: I make baloon animals with my cock
Pussinboots/dramamine: I'll do whatever you want for as long as you like for $30.
Vervet
Anti-wiki

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Reply 11 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 12:11:50 PM)
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I'm so hungover (but I only had two shots of whiskey (downed in three gulps with chocolated coffee at 4 in the morning last night) and buzzing with caffeine that no one would be able to drag me into the closet. My insane, crazy, stupid ramblings (since I'm in a very locquacious mood -- as you all may see later) would bore the breeches back on any rapist.

::takes award::
::goes to Food Lion::
::buys James a balloon::
Mr. Martigo, you're a very attractive man.
::gives James the balloon::
It's red. Like blood!
::bite::
I dream of the bear. Once again, it shambles out of the forest. Once again, it lumbers towards me. But this time, although I am wet with fear, my fear has a different quality, and I realize that either I do not expect the encounter will kill me or I don't mind the thought of dying quite as much as I once did.
Again the bear bends over me. But instead of licking me, it opens its jaws over my face, so wide that my whole head is inside its mouth and I am looking down the dark tunnel of its throat. I feel its teeth meet through my neck, and I know it has bitten off my head. But when it lifts its mouth from my empty shoulders, I can see the world as well as ever - in fact, things have a lucidity I had never before imagined, and I think, What an effort it was to have to lug my head around with me for so long.
Tyr

I cybered with Kayte

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Reply 12 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 12:13:58 PM)
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Boo.
Moribus antiquis res stat Romana virisque[/w]
[w]Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
Vervet
Anti-wiki

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Reply 13 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 01:45:32 PM)
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Quoted from Tyr:
Boo.


::points::

And that, is a cow with a cold.
I dream of the bear. Once again, it shambles out of the forest. Once again, it lumbers towards me. But this time, although I am wet with fear, my fear has a different quality, and I realize that either I do not expect the encounter will kill me or I don't mind the thought of dying quite as much as I once did.
Again the bear bends over me. But instead of licking me, it opens its jaws over my face, so wide that my whole head is inside its mouth and I am looking down the dark tunnel of its throat. I feel its teeth meet through my neck, and I know it has bitten off my head. But when it lifts its mouth from my empty shoulders, I can see the world as well as ever - in fact, things have a lucidity I had never before imagined, and I think, What an effort it was to have to lug my head around with me for so long.
Socrateius
Robobear 3000

homersexual

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Reply 14 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 02:00:00 PM)
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*humps Dimi*
I put this in here to fill up space in my forum sig because I am too self-concious to put anyone else's quotes down for fear of retribution and my incredibly low self-esteem, which contributes to me not thinking of any ideas for fear of them and my alias as a forum personality being shunned. I will attempt to write something clever and witty in an attempt to gain recognition in an internet forum full of people I will never meet merely to satisfy my insatiable appetite for being accepted as both a source of quality humor and as a person in general. I accept that I will ultimately fail and leave the forum, only to put my awkward teenage years behind me and grow up to be a loving and responsible father and husband until I turn 38 and am fired from my job, find out my wife is having an affair with a convicted child molester who she helped escape from prison, and I will let my car idle in the garage, slowly filling it with carbon monoxide and freeing me from my hellish prison on earth.
izzy

used to be really horrible

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Reply 15 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 05:14:20 PM)
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NO ONE CLAPPED?!?!

Wildfire Games | KoRT | INTL | SWGBH | AOMH
Ztolk
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Rawr.

definitely threw the blue lego

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Reply 16 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 10:15:42 PM)
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I finally won something! Yay!
My girlfriend rocks. She has shortcuts to my favourite sites, cookies that let me post without retyping my password, and she runs all my favourite games.
Guy Tuttle and Ass
Global Moderator

gotta get that VICTORY ROYALE #gamer #memes #LoL

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Reply 17 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-01-03 10:19:56 PM)
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I mourn.
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 18 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-02-03 01:13:19 AM)
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Quoted from izzy:
NO ONE CLAPPED?!?!

*staggered applause*
Baggy_Brad says: I woke up this afternoon and my room smelt like semen
Witty Tirade: I could do it for both sexes, too.
Pussinboots/dramamine: I'll do whatever you want for as long as you like for $30.
IB
Stays True to His Name

I should die

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Reply 19 of 19 (Originally posted on: 01-02-03 11:44:19 AM)
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Least Favorite Forumer! Hell yes!
Idiot-boy: Bringing you the most goddamn annoying garbage possible since the dawn of time!
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