flaming arrow
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old time judge suck cock
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(Originally posted on: 12-31-02 10:14:04 PM)
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Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the First Bi-Monthly Stanknogger Memorial Awards Show! Now let's give your host Flaming Arrow a big hand!
Crappy music intro, camera pans over the crowd and stops at Flaming Arrow, standing before the podium on the stage
Disenheartened applause
FA: Well, after letting the voting go on for much longer then it should have, it's time for the presentations. A lot of surprises here, and I'm short on time, so let's get on with the show! Our first category is Favorite Forumer! *opens envelope* And the winner is....Wow! What a surprise! The winner is NNY!
Crowd cheers, applauds
FA: Sadly, NNY cannot be with us right now. He's downtown sleeping off a drinking binge in the local drunk tank. But we'll be sure to mail this award to him! Now, on to the next category, Least Favorite Forumer! *opens envelope* Yes, it's no surprise here, the winner, er..loser is Idiot-Boy!
Idiot Boy jumps up, pumps fist, and runs to get his award but is stopped by MBS, Zeus and Chico who violently beat him to death
FA: Uh, well, we'll just bury this award with him. The next category is Favorite Staffer! *opens envelope* And the winner is...Izzy!
Rest of the staffers groan, Tyr mutters "We didn't stand a chance.." Izzy runs up and grabs his award happily.
FA: On to the next category! Funniest Forumer had a lot of good contenders, but the winner blew everyone else away! That winner being, Baggy Brad!
Brad, being eight feet tall, walks to the podium in three steps, picks FA up, takes award between two fingers, bows, knocks down some lighting while bowing, and walks away
FA: Jesus Christ...and, uh, well, yes. The next category is Craziest Forumer, and the winner here also blew the rest of the competition away. That winner being, of course, Drahnier! Sadly, Drahnier couldn't be here as he is with NNY in that very same drunk tank sleeping off a drinking binge as well. We'll be sure to mail this to him.
FA: The next category is Best Avatar, and this was a very close race! In fact, there's a three-way tie for second! But, in the end, Ztolk came out winner!
Ztolk strides up to get his award while the three tied for second place fight each other for the second place certificate
FA: The next category is Best Signature, and the winner here is a bit of a surprise! That winner being Kitabatake! Sadly, Kita's at a local hospital recuperating from several broken ribs and a concussion he incurred during a recent paintball war. We'll be sure to send this award to him.
FA: The next category was last-minute addition, and didn't get that many nominations. It was a pretty close race, but, in the end, Sandamnit won the Best Location category. Congratulations, Sandamnit! Unfortunately, Sandamnit is at home right now, not wanting to spend his evening with such "dirty proletariat." We'll be sure he gets this award!
FA: The next category is Best Artist, and I don't think I need to go on. Izzy, get up here and take your damn award.
Izzy happily bounds up to the stage to zero applause, takes his award, bows, and then takes his seat again
FA: Yeah, well, let's get this thing over with. The Favorite Nerd category is another category that was very predictable. Socrateius, come take your award.
Socrateius walks up to the stage in a Starfleet uniform, takes his award, flash the crowd the "Live Long and Prosper" handsign, and then takes his seat
FA: *looks at piece of paper in hand* Sigh, yes, this category was also very predictable. The winner of the Sexiest Female Forumer category is, of course, Melanie!
Melanie struts up to the stage, takes her award, twirls around, then sits back down
FA: The next category was a very close race. Three people tied for second, and two people tied for first! Those two are both Europeans, and both sexy beasts, I'm talking about JamesMartigo and Drahnier!
JamesMartigo jumps up, runs up on stage and grabs his award
JamesMartigo: Hahaha! Seeing on how that drunk Drahnier is off in jail, I'll just keep this award all for mys-
James is hit in the back of the head with a chair, and collapses
Drahnier runs up from behind him, grabs the award, and runs off
FA: That was odd...
Five armed police officers storm the stage, look around for Drahnier, then head backstage looking for him
FA: Uh, yes, onto the next category, Favorite Couple! And it's no surprise here, the winners are Socrateius and Dimi, by a landslide!
Socrateius and Dimi skip up to the stage hand-in-hand, take their awards, then skip back to their seats
FA: That has to be the gayest thing I've ever seen. Oh, right, the next category is Favorite Newbie! This was a pretty close race, as the person in second place had one less vote then the winner. That winner being, Vervet!
JamesMartigo comes to, stands up, wobbles from side to side
JamesMartigo: Did...did I win the balloon, mummy?
FA: What? Shut up. You lost, Vervet won.
JamesMartigo: I want the balloon, mummy!
Drahnier runs back on stage with the chair in hand, cracks James over the head once more, then runs out a side door
Five armed police officers run by, chasing after Drahnier
Vervet runs up on stage, steps on JamesMartigo's head, takes her award, and heads back to her seat
FA: Thank God, we're almost done with this thing. The next category had only ONE nomination, and therefore that nominee is automatically the winner. That nominee being TheFerret, of course. Sadly, Theferret couldn't be here, as he's a fucking asshole and not welcome around here.
Door bursts open, Theferret steps in
Theferret: I've come to get my award!
Drahnier runs up from behind Theferret and into the crowd
Theferret: What was that all about?
Several police officers run up from behind Ferret, and tackle him
Officer: We've finally got you, you stupid Swedish motherfucker!
Theferret: What?? I'm not him! Really! I'm not! My name's Ferret! I swear to God!
Officer2: Yeah, right, you aren't pulling that "I've found Jesus" shit on us again!
Officers drag Ferret away in handcuffs
Camera pans to Drahnier, sitting next to Melanie
Drahnier: So, looks like we're both sexy. Wanna have sex?
Melanie slaps Drahnier, then gets up and leaves
Drahnier: God damn it.
JamesMartigo moans from the stage
Drahnier: Shut the fuck up, you Dutch pussy! *throws popcorn bucket at James*
FA: Well, alright then. On to the next category, Favorite Heathen! This time we've got ANOTHER tie! *muffled curse in Swedish* What was that? Nevermind, the winners are NNY and Drahnier! Drahnier is here to accept the award for NNY, who's still in the drunk tank sleeping off a binge.
Drahnier strolls up, grabs award, kicks James in the side as he walks off the stage
FA: The next, and next-to-last category, thank God, is Most Missed Forumer! We've had a lot of good forumers come and go, but the one you voted as most missed is Kyrie! And, sadly, she's not here. So we'll put this award in a glass case in her honor.
Drahnier runs back up to the stage, whispers in FA's ear
Drahnier: Can I have that award?
FA: What? No, fuck you! Go sit down!
Drahnier: God damn it.. *takes his seat*
FA: Now, the LAST and FINAL category is Favorite Gay/Bi Forumer! This time there is no tie, no "close race", it's yet another landslide! The winner is Danielle!
Danielle walks to the stage, takes her award, then takes her seat
FA: Alright, that's it for now. The next awards show won't be until Feburary, thank-fucking-God! *walks off*
Stanknogger Memorial Awards would like to thank Kitabatake Accounting Inc. for tallying the results
Stanknogger Memorial Awards would also like to thank Cheap Warehouses Corporation for providing a place to hold the awards
Quotes by Drahnier
son of reinhard: my cock hurts again
son of reinhard: ive had semen in my mouth
son of reinhard: get these penises out of my face
son of reinhard: can i whine some more about how my penis hurts?
son of reinhard: save some of your juices in a jar and mail it to me
son of reinhard: also send me your used panties
son of reinhard: i make baloon animals with my cock
son of reinhard: i often want to have sex with little girls
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