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INTL v5.0 > Site Comments > Archives > Retarded Hall of Fame > Steamy Silvermoon: Blood Elf Erotic Roleplaying! > Viewing Thread
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playa 200 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-12-14 07:05:38 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &



(Ysondre begins thinking to her slutty self)

Our forces are nearing their target. In just two days... Kael and all of his 'allies' will have Hell rain down on them.

Serves him RIGHT! I wanted his hot magic-powered hips to buck into my horny pelvis on a pale moon light. After I butt fucked him with that dildo, of course.

I'm a priestess. I can heal anal tears.

What am I saying? WANTED?! PAST TENSE? NO!! I WILL HAVE HIM. SOOOON.



Priestess, I have news. Our forces in Barcelona have been destroyed.



NO MATTER. MY PUSSY BURNS WITH RAGE. MARK MY WORDS, I WILL FUCK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF KAEL'THAS SUNSTRIDER.



ROLL FORWARD. FORWARD, TO THAT PRECIOUS ELF ASS. FORWARD...

TO THE VICTORY OF VICTORIES.

░░░░░░███████ ]▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▃
▂▄▅█████████▅▄▃▂
I███████████████████].
kekeke u give soj???kekeke u give soj???kekeke u give soj???kekeke u give soj???kekeke u give soj???kekeke u give soj???kekeke u give soj???◤...
gimme that booty kael
Action Jaxon

Leave my waifu alone, you fucks!

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playa 201 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-12-14 07:41:58 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &



"Ah, a visitor! You wish to buy? Trade?"



"No, my cat-bodied friend. I am here to find a half-orc mercenary by the name of... well, a half-orc mercenary. Kills things. Lots of things. You would probably know it if he passed through here."



"Hmm, it does not ring a bell, and we traders are not equipped to..."



(Suddenly, Kael hears a massive boom in the distance. No... a voice! 'FUS RO DAH!' Intrigued by the magical energy, he leaves without a word.)



"Well, fuck me in the asshole. He looked rich. Back to selling Alto Wine."
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 202 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-12-14 09:25:13 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

The assembled crowd stood astonished at the force of this "dragonborn" and his voice. They stood on a balcony in the keep of Whiterun, an impressive building known as Dragonsreach. The audience consisted of the Jarl, Balgruuf, his aides, the Dark Elf that the half orc now understood to be his bodyguard, or housecarl as they called it, the captain of the city guard, the Jarl's brother, and the mercenary himself. The dragonborn had just demonstrated his power by shouting apart a stack of crates.

"Shor's bones," spoke the Jarl, "it's really true. You are the dragonborn! "

Everyone looked uncomfortable at this pronouncement from the Jarl, and the mercenary now knew why. In the 2 days since the dragon attack, he'd learned much about this world. The dragonborn was the central figure in this world's end time prophecy. The thought of the end of the world would be enough to make even the hardiest warrior nervous.

The dragonborn spoke little, still coming to grips with he new power. Since the attack he'd traveled, discovering way to learn new shouts, granting him immense power.

"Well, orc," the Jarl said, "it has been an interesting couple days. Much has happened and I have not had the chance to truly thank you for slaying that dragon!"

"It is not necessary -" the mercenary began before the Jarl cut him off with a wave of his hand.

"I won't hear of it. I've instructed my aides to provide you with a hefty sum of gold and the finest horse. I understand you're not from....around here? " The Jarl looked the mercenary up and down, and the mercenary assumed his grayish skin and in-between features were not common on the orcs of this world.

The mercenary simply nodded in response.

"Yes, well, in addition to those rewards I have also decided to name you Thane of Whiterun! You will hold a place of honor among my retinue, and the title itself holds many privileges. But, I need your name."

The mercenary chewed his lower lip, his tusked canines showing. "I don't have a proper name, I'm afraid. My mother named me trash and threw me out with it, and my father was executed for the rape of my mother. People just call me Grim, apparently I should smile more." Grim chuckled at his own joke.

"Very well, Thane Grim it is. A fitting name, I believe."
This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-13-14 03:24:52 AM by flaming arrow.
flaming arrow

old time judge suck cock

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playa 203 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-12-14 09:27:53 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

(My dude is a half-orc from the Forgotten Realms BTW)
flaming arrow

old time judge suck cock

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playa 204 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 12:21:18 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

I'll pick this up tomorrow. Let's review where everyone is so we don't get confused.

I AND FLAMING ARROW (Kael and Grim) are in Tamriel.

AXION JAXON (Ysondre) is moving her forces toward Barcelona; she should be there soon.

HASTY (Okita), DR. NICK and (Lord Fozzlebottom) are still in Barcelona. The battle there ended in victory some time ago, but as stated before, Ysondre's forces will be arriving.

The real DIMI (George Orwell) is on the quiet front of Argon. There is also someone who appears to be George Orwell sleeping in our camp in Barcelona.

FRANSISCO FRANCO is now a lich in service of the Lich King, and he will attempt to take over the Fascist forces if Ysondre is assassinated or deposed from power.
This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-13-14 11:23:54 AM by Dong Kollector Jax.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 205 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 01:31:05 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

thank god this thread can go on without me becaues I ran out of steam on this thing
Run Silent Run Drapes
Administrator
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someone bitter is after my ass

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playa 206 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 03:38:39 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

It's Grim, not Grit. And time moves differently in Tamriel, where Kael has just arrived Grim has already been in Whiterun for a couple days.

flaming arrow

old time judge suck cock

women: (+1255 / -281)
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playa 207 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 08:50:39 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

I'm going to give this like a day to wrap up and then its going to the HOF because lol it was a lot of fun
Run Silent Run Drapes
Administrator
[sparkle]Eiffle Towers:[/sparkle] 6969

someone bitter is after my ass

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playa 208 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 09:44:06 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

Me and my man, my ace big Moe from the shelter
Bout to hit the skins from this girl named Thelma
Now Thelma had a rep that was higher than her neck
Every girl from Shaolin dissed her respect
We was stimmy, you know how it is when you're blitzed
Three o'clock in the morning, something got to give
Moe said he'll go first, I said I'll take next
Here, take this raincoat and practice safe sex
He seemed to ignore, I said, "Be for real!
"She's not even worth it to go raw deal."
A man's gonna do what a man's gonna do
He got butt-naked and stuck the power U
Twenty minutes went by, Moe I'm out without a doubt
I'm not pumping up, I am airing out
Hey yo, he came out laughing with glory
I'm surprised, he's still living to tell his story
But he carried on with the same old stuff
With Stephanie, like a Whammy, he pressed his luck
Moe tried to be down with O.P.P
Ain't nothing wrong but he got caught with the H.I.V
Now no life to live, doc says two more years
So after the laughter I guess comes the tears

Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.





Ma-Newer
League of Super Sluts

It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision Ive ever made in my entire life has been wrong.

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playa 209 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 10:29:31 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

Classic shady
Run Silent Run Drapes
Administrator
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someone bitter is after my ass

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playa 210 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 11:05:17 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

Last I remember I was sleeping in the cold and boring trenches on the Aragon front.

balls
D
Champagne Roomies

POUR MILK DOWN MY THROAT WHILE I LOB THIS GRENADE

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playa 211 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 11:22:34 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

Okita was talking about Orwell as if he were here in Barcelona.

Simple fix. The "Orwell" here was a magical clone created by the goblin mage before he died to weave a spell of slumber over us. You, George, are still in Aragon.
This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-13-14 11:29:54 AM by Dong Kollector Jax.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 212 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 11:28:48 AM)
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magical

balls
D
Champagne Roomies

POUR MILK DOWN MY THROAT WHILE I LOB THIS GRENADE

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playa 213 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 11:49:28 AM)
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i have no idea what's going on but groovy
Run Silent Run Drapes
Administrator
[sparkle]Eiffle Towers:[/sparkle] 6969

someone bitter is after my ass

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playa 214 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 11:56:17 AM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

(Travelers point and gasp as Kael ascends the winding road up toward the gates of Whiterun. The guards themselves bow their heads as he enters, though one, Brenuin, has the gall to speak up.)

"Hey! You're not from -hic- around here, are you? What the hell are you? Some kind of elf?"

An elf prince, as a matter of fact. But not from around here. I am Kael'thas Sunstrider, of Quel'Thalas. Those words will mean nothing to you, I bet.

(The drunkard leans in close, and coughs as he whispers...)
Thalmor?

Kael'thas.
At any rate, have ave you seen a half-orc mercenary in these past few days, drunkard?

"What're you talkin' about? OF COURSE I've seen a half-orc! He's right over there! Thane Grit... Grom... Grim. Spim."
(spits)

Thank you, drunkard. I must get going. Time is sh...

"You wanna buy a drink? You're lookin' pretty cute in that... silk robe of yours."

TIME IS SHORT.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 215 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 12:04:21 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

(Kael walks into the tavern, to see the half-orc mercenary in a new ceremonial helm, flanked by a number of guards.)


It's good to see you, "Thane Spim." I hope you've enjoyed yourself here, but we really must be going.

(Suddenly, a harsh, deep roar fills the air currents above Whiterun, reverberating in every tankard and glass on the bar.)

("Dragon," one of the guards spits. The Dragonborn is miles away now. MAN THE POSTS! How we will survive this... I do not know...)
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 216 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 01:03:20 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

Oh, Kaely-baby.

(Slutty Priestess/General Kissmoon sits in her battle tank, peeling another fold of banana skin off her succulent treat with every soft, cooing word. kekeke u give soj???)

How long I've waited to see you again. There are a lot of men who stand between the two of us. Some have guns. Others have tanks. But we...

(the Slutty Priestess crushes the banana, causing sensual, sticky juicies to plop all over her chest and lap. mm i wanna suck ur cock lol)

WE HAVE LOVE!!



Seorita! We will arrive in Barcelona in half an hour. Our mana bombs are ready!



(Ysondre Kissmoon cums in her pants, squirting in the soldier's face, whose eye twitches as he wipes it away.)

It's time. SEND THE ASSASSINS! TAKE OUT OKITA SōJI, AND ELGIN BAYLOR! LEAVE KAEL ALIVE!



"MY EYE BURNS!"



DO IT!!!
Action Jaxon

Leave my waifu alone, you fucks!

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playa 217 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 01:12:33 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

imminent battles:

KAEL AND GRIM VS. THE GENERIC SKYRIM DRAGON

OKITA AND ELGIN BALYOR AND GEORGE ORWELL'S ILLUSION VS. SENSUAL PRIESTESS YSONDRE KISSMOON AND HER ARMY OF SPANISH NATIONALISTS ARMED WITH MAGICAL SUPERDESTRUCTIVE WEAPONS

GEORGE ORWELL VS. A MILDLY UNCOMFORTABLE DREAM ON THE UNEVENTFUL BATTLEFIELD OF ARAGON
This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-15-14 02:04:05 AM by Dong Kollector Jax.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 218 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 01:14:58 PM)
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LORD FOZZLEBOTTOM vs. HIS OWN MENTAL DEMONS AND THE REST OF YSONDRE'S EVIL ARMY CLOSING IN
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 220 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-13-14 01:26:34 PM)
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---------------------------------------
@Okita and Elgin

You look out the window of the tent, rubbing your weary eyes, to see a mountain of black, imposing smoke arriving in the distance. The enemy has come. They must number in the thousands, and on closer inspection, the guns of their tanks are filled with some sort of blue, glowing energy.

"Hemos pasado! Hemos pasado!" they chant. Death is closing in. The sleeping George Orwell dissipates into the same magical smoke you saw before, now an obvious fraud.

@Lord Fozzlebottom
You are still hiding in the trenches. So far, the Fascist forces, with their goal set on the Republican encampment, have not noticed you... but there is not much time left. You can try to follow Kael and Grim through the portal to bring them back in time to assist with the battle, you can try to wait it out and use this position to gain vital information on the enemy, or you can thrash due to violent war episodes from the past.

Either route... will be dangerous.

Either route... WILL BE HEROIC.
This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-15-14 12:07:13 AM by Dong Kollector Jax.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

women: (+136 / -33)
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playa 221 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-14-14 04:36:50 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

In lieu of the other players, I will be taking the roles of all the characters in this conclusory series of posts. The end shall come when I say "THE END."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 222 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-14-14 05:15:36 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

Okita Sōji sits up in his tent. The sounds of popping rifles and rolling tanks fill the air, as does the stench of death. The outer parts of the camp are on fire.

"Damn it," he scoffs, pulling out a katana that slices into the ground. "How could we have trusted George Orwell?"

As the dust of the illusion passed by, Baylor spoke up. "He wasn't real. We were fools."

A loud boom is heard near the camp. Artillery fire. Getting closer. The blue fires outside make it apparent that the enemy has magical weapons.

"All of my training," thought Okita, "all of my oaths. Does it all lead to this day?"

Elgin Baylor lept up, dribbling a basketball that suddenly transformed into a ball with a spinning blade emerging from the middle, then retracted again.

"Take your sword, brother," Elgin said. "We might not make out of this motherfucker, but we can make damn sure they don't, either!"

The sound of laughter cut through the camp. Both of the men look out to see Ysondre Kissmoon, sitting atop an ornate mobile throne, laughing. In her hand is a burning poster.


This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-14-14 06:01:42 PM by Dong Kollector Jax.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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playa 223 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-14-14 05:44:28 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &

"The name's..."
The half-orc mercenary puts down his mug as he stares toward the bar's exit, his bones rattling from the sound of the dragon.
"Grim."

Both Kael and Grim burst out of the tavern at once. Grim takes aim at the dragon, but a fiery bolt comes down and consumes Grim's crossbow whole, though Kael manages to save Grim's life with a Mana Shield.
"I only have limited magic!" said Kael. "This world is too unfamiliar for me to draw mana from!"

The dragon belches forth another terrible blast of fire, tearing a wooden building apart as the helmed guards throw up their bucklers to shield themselves from the debris. Suddenly, the creature lands in the streets of Whiterun and turns its breath on the citizens, who scramble to hide. Grim takes out his melee weapons and charges at the beast while Kael summons a pillar of fire overtop of it, but the dragon spins around wildly, knocking Grom down with its tail."

Kael runs to Grim's side, clutching his muscular gray-green hand.
"Grim..." he says mournfully.
The orc coughs. It seems like some of his ribs are broken. "Heh, at least you got my name right."

'YOL TOOR SHUL!' The gates of Whiterun and the Blacksmith shop are obliterated in fire. Dozens dead, and soon, more.

Suddenly, the mercenary's ring begins to glow once more.
"Is this the item that brought you here?!" Kael asks hurriedly.
"Yes," he coughs.
"We must work together. Learn to control the power of the ring! We may be able to summon powerful reinforcements from somewhere else in the Multiverse!"
"It's... too late," says Grim.
"IT'S NEVER TOO LATE!" responds Kael as the citizenry screams and another jet of fire spews out. "Come on!"

Kael places his hand above the ring as lights danced about it. The mercenary weakly lifts his hand and begins searching out its energies, working with the currentes created by Kael to establish a link somewhere else.
The dragon lifts off into the air, pointing his smoking scissor-like teeth at Kael and Grim. He begins sucking up energies, beginning his words of fire...

"YOL... TOR..."

Suddenly, a gigantic rift opens in the sky.

"Look!" says one of the Whiterun guards in his Nordic accent. "It's the USS Enterprise-D!"

(skip to 0:48)

The Enterprise swoops down and targets the Dragon with its phasers. It roars in pain as its internal organs destroyed, and its flesh combusts midair, while the Enterprise's tractor beams catch the dragon-bones to place them safely on the ground. Medical personnel are imediately beamed to the surface to help Whiterun's survivors and rebuild the detroyed architecture.
This sly williker sooth-sayed his words 'roundabout 12-14-14 07:36:02 PM by Dong Kollector Jax.
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

women: (+136 / -33)
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playa 224 among 249 hatas (time of death: 12-14-14 06:49:30 PM)
x | fxk | 227 | 69 | thisone | 9 | gunshow | &


"The day I said 'fuck the Prime directive' was the day I truly started living," Jean-Luc Picard says to his new elven friend.



"Hah! And I appreciate it. Soon, those Fascists will be taking a siesta in ash and destruction. Your Photon Torpedos are loaded, are they not?"


"Yes, of course. If you would be so kind as to open the portal back to Catalona, we'll get going on our adventure.


(the bloodstone in Kael's pocket begins to hum)

"Hmm. Strange," the elf says. "These coordinates say the Communist forces are still at camp? They should be halfway to Aragon by now. Unless...

They're under siege! I'll open the portal immediately, Picard. Send her through full-speed-ahead!"





"Wh... where am I?"

(Beverly Crusher takes out a small devices that spreads a light over the orc's broken ribs and failing organs, beginning to piece them back together.)

"You're in Sick Bay," says Dr. Crusher. "The dragon is dead, the town is saved, and that elf friend of your is negotiating with the Captain."

"Where's my ring?"

---------------------------------

Lord Fozzlebottom finally arrives in the gates of Whiterun. For the past few days, he has been delayed fighting the Empire, consumed by flashbacks of the Kaiser and the devastation his men caused. He gives the men at the gate a passing salute, reminiscing about his war days, but hears nothing but a loud crash as the USS Enterprise warps into a shimmering portal in the sky the size of a football stadium and said portal disappears. The sound reminded him of dynamite, triggering another panic episode.

After searching for hours for his missing comrades, both alive and long-dead, he finds a small, gleaming ring in the dirt near the gates.

"Ah!" he yells. "Me wedding ring! Oh, joy! I thought I'd never find it again after Taretha di... I mean, Taretha still lives. Of course! SHE LIVES! AND I WILL FIND HER!"
Dong Kollector Jax
INTL Dick Twisters

[CEMETARY MAN (1994) SPOILERS]

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busta

fuck up the srevers
Display Signature?
wtf is this doe
look at the little dudes?
codey beat his wife
have no life?
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