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pedophile+nazi

(Originally posted on: 12-25-10 07:44:28 AM)
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I've wrote a short couple pages on Socialism in America. Looking for feedback.

EDIT: I have received feedback regarding the flow of the writing. Originally this writing was three one page pieces for a blog but they are mashed together in a type of soup that might be confusing. I have edited it and seperated the pages.

In this context it makes much more sense but I understand it could use better flow as of yet. For instance, the last page involves a lot of elements from the first and then deloves in the subject of crime for a paragraph or two. I'll see if I have time to address this.


GENERAL

---------------------------

Excessive capitalistic ideology condemns the idea of a nation of equality. No man, woman, or child may be equal when our system of wealth is fundamentally unequal. When the richest 20% own 80% of the wealth our society is fundamentally unequal.

Money's voice carries the loudest echoes into our social system in which those with wealth may shape our country and its qualities and properties while the poor and go unheard. The strife of the poor goes unanswered by this system.

The concept of the poor simply "getting a job" simply does not answer the issue of the problem of wealth distribution present in the United States of America today. To understand the problem of poverty and wealth distribution within America we must first understand that our system is simply unequal and the idea of the poor simply "getting a job" does not address the idea of the problems of wealth distribution. The poor and needy may have a job, but that does not mean they are still not poor and needy.

The phrase "redistribution of wealth" is just a poisonous weaselword catchphrase used by those who simply don't understand the true problems regarding America's economic system. "Redistribution of wealth" is just capitalistic slander of the socialistic concept of equality. Monetary equality helps directly translate into social equality, something that Americans must strive for. This kind of equality does not mean stealing from the rich and giving to the poor as per capitalistic fairy tales would profess. It is a given that in a socialistic society there is not exact monetary equality as that described by Marxism. However, socialistic societies guarantee a high quality of life for all of its inhabitants while our current system of capitalism locks tens of millions of Americans into a poverty in which they will stay for life.

Simply attaining employment absolutely does not guarantee this kind amenities that would be found under a socialistic system. Minimum wage jobs held by the lower class do not guarantee health care or education. Persons born into the lower class will often find themselves inherently stuck in the lower class for the rest of their lives. The problems found in our system are simply not addressed by holding a job. Holding a job does not immediately grant one the right to health care and education that should be the birthright of every American citizen born in this country.

Moving the country forward would be the ideology that education and health-care as well as other amenities enjoyed by the upper and middle class is a basic right as an American. In order to move the country forward Americans need to start to rethink what basic American rights are. Progressive thinking would have them believe that things like education and health-care are simply basic human rights guaranteed by America. It is time for Americans to start thinking about why such a great first world nation has 43 million of it's 307 million inhabitants below the poverty line. It is time for Americans to start thinking about why 15% of us do not have access to any health insurance.

These Americans do not have a right to a proper education. An education does not simply guarantee the success of an individual. Every individual's right to an education helps guarantee the success of a nation as a whole. We must all understand that America, as a first world power, competes economically with other nations and that proper education for all Americans helps the success of our nation as a whole, not simply that of an individual's.


FREE/FAIR TRADE

---------------------------

To embrace free trade is to embrace the suffering of millions of poverty stricken laborers worldwide. Free trade is defined as trade without the interference of government regulation. Without government regulation trade is instead decided by the companies, who make decisions solely on money and greed, keeping only in mind the possible profit margins. Pure capitalism is not to be trusted in regards to these laborers and their welfare. Free trade is the reason Chinese sweatshops exist. Chinese laborers will typically make enough to eat, work and make Nike shoes. These are then shipped over to the United States and possess artificially skyrocketed prices straight off the backs of these laborers.

Free trade and associated globalism is regarded as beneficial to the United States only because the sheer profit margins attained by the companies that exist here. Globalism puts the interests of first world countries ahead of those third world developing countries. The result is the suffering of millions of the laborers at the hands of American corporations. Companies are interested only in profit margins, not of the welfare of 3rd world country workers. Globalism and free trade is responsible for these 3rd world sweatshops and the terrible conditions these workers live in.

Government regulation and policies of fair trade would help ensure the rights of the millions of laborers worldwide. Policies of fair trade would help work to eliminate sweatshops and the horrid conditions these workers live in. The only expense of fair trade is reduced profit margins of these first world companies that embrace the sweatshops in developing countries.

Globalization puts the interests of powerful first world nations far ahead of the interests of developing countries. Powerful first world nations such as the United States of America have the sheer economic power to muscle developing countries into positions deemed more of interest to America's powerful corporations who only have the bottom dollar in mind. These corporations ignore the suffering of these third world countries and use their funds as a powerful leverage over these countries and their governments in order to force their citizens into these terrible conditions.

It is time for Americans to start understanding the strife and pain of these third world sweatshop workers and understand that this type of behavior by these American corporations is unacceptable in a this modern day in age. The only trade off of freeing these third world workers from these conditions is reduced profit margins of these large corporations who utilize the suffering of these laborers to inflate profit.

Policies of fair trade would help to reduce and eliminate these 3rd world sweatshops and the conditions these workers live in. It is time for Americans to stand up to the giant corporations who only answer to money and demand they answer to the concerns of the Americans who demand better rights for 3rd world laborers abroad. It does not answer to humanistic ideology that these companies utilize globalism ideology to force upon nations their economic leverage and confine countries' citizens into these jail-like conditions.

It is time to put an end and the the globalist theory of economics that it is simply okay to use the sheer economic force of powerful first world nations in order to lock citizens such of those in China in factory jail cells in which they only earn enough to eat and work 14 hours a day. It simply doesn't appeal to the human nature of Americans to say what the powerful corporations here are doing abroad is okay.


WORKFORCE/CRIME (could use work)

---------------------------

It is vital to understand that socialist policies benefit the United States of America as a whole. Americans must know that as a first world nation we compete against other nations in areas such as important high tech jobs that Americans would rather have locked into the economic system of America as opposed to having them secured by other countries. 43 million Americans living in poverty does not simply affect individual livelihood, it effects the nation and its standing as a well functioning component of international economics.

Such strife of poverty felt by these Americans has rippling effects through our economic system. The concept of attending to these Americans' education and health care is a concept rested in the sound ideology that these people contribute to the economic welfare of the nation as a whole. Lack of education means low tech and low earning employment. Low tech, low earning employment effects America's economic standing as a first world nation. It is important to understand that the poverty and lack of education of these Americas is a blight on this country's economic standing in the world. The idea of a highly skilled American workforce should be one that appeals to all Americans.

The benefits put forth by the concept of a highly skilled American workforce cannot be ignored. The 43 million Americans living in poverty do not have access to education and they do not have the ability to become part of this workforce that competes against other nations for highly skilled jobs. The idea of having all Americans having access to education to provide them with the knowledge they need to attain this high level of employment is an idea that Americans should find very desirable. It cannot be stated enough that proper education for all Americans does not simply guarantee individual success, it helps solidify America's international economic standing as a whole.

To pay for this education and health care extra taxes are required. The government does not simply pocket this money, it gives it back in for the form of government services. Taxes pay for government provided amenities such as roads, public transportation, and so on. A natural extension of the idea of taxes paying for such public services is that these taxes should pay for the services of education and health care for the benefit of individual Americans and for the benefit of America as a whole. It is time for Americans to understand that along with services such as law enforcement and firefighting, providing for proper education and health care of all Americans is a well founded ideal that should find a sound resting place in the heart and minds of Americans as well as resounding with the idea of benefiting America as a first world nation.

Another fundamental issue when we speak of the rippling effects of poverty in America is America's crime rate. High levels of concentrated poverty in America has been shown to lead to higher rates of crime. Poverty stricken areas simply have higher crime rates that those of wealthy areas. While many different studies disagree with the idea of the poverty leading the crime, it simply cannot be ignored that in wealthy areas the crime rate is dramatically lower than that of that of impoverished areas. Americans must understand that the crime rate has an effect on America society as a whole. Not just poverty stricken Americans are effected as a result of the relationship between poverty and crime. It is vital for American citizens to know the effect of crime on our society, and they must understand that poverty and crime have a very real relationship that cannot be ignored.
This reply was last edited on 12-28-10 05:16:10 AM by wiki.

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Reply 1 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 07:54:36 AM)
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Is this you? http://stayinorder.blogspot.com/2010/11/toc_27.html
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pedophile+nazi

Reply 2 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 08:11:58 AM)
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Ztolk! That is correct! This is me!

How in Earth do I get my avatar and image rights back?

How on Earth did you find that blog? Am I popular all of a sudden?
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Reply 3 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 08:41:03 AM)
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You speak like you've been here before. Were you previously a member under a different account?
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Reply 4 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 08:44:02 AM)
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I think he's that guy that openly talked about pedophilia and pretended to commit suicide once
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pedophile+nazi

Reply 5 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 08:44:37 AM)
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Ztolk!

It's me, Benjee!

The guy with the girl dressed in the communist garb! I am wondering where my account is! I even had donated money but I don't get to upload pictures and avatars. I am contacting the admins to see if I can get this back.

Did you read my writings and blog? What do you think of them?
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Reply 6 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 08:52:05 AM)
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Oh ok cool. I was worried that this guy who always trolls INTL with copypasted material was at it again.
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pedophile+nazi

Reply 7 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:01:32 AM)
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Quoted from too busy bangin':
I think he's that guy that openly talked about pedophilia and pretended to commit suicide once


Correct! Please do not talk about such heavy issues as my suicide attempts back at HG with such a tone as that. I did attempt suicide multiple times and it was a terrible time in my life. I am for the most part over the severe depression I had and am doing well now.

These people keep internet grudges from the time I was 14 living life in a living hell due to mental illness I had lived though. Quite painful times in my life. During my posting at HG my life was quite hellish and I was suffering from severe mental illness. The last thing I need is people keeping internet grudges from when I was posting at the age of 14.

I am 22 now.

Quoted from Ztolk:
Oh ok cool. I was worried that this guy who always trolls INTL with copypasted material was at it again.


Oh no! Wrote this all myself.

Any comments on my writings or do people still wish to take shots at my posts made when I was 14?
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Reply 8 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:16:07 AM)
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Dude, the posts you made when you were 20 or 21 were creepy enough.
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Reply 9 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:17:31 AM)
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Yeah uh so do you have a thesis or anything? It seems like it's just a bunch of unrelated paragraphs assembled together, is it a response to something someone else wrote or...? I'm not trying to be mean; I could care less about your past posts here. The writing is kinda choppy and there's no argument to tie anything together, the whole time I was reading it, I was asking myself "what is this guy trying to tell me?" because it's really not that clear what your goal is.
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pedophile+nazi

Reply 10 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:28:07 AM)
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Quoted from Grott the Hoddle:
Dude, the posts you made when you were 20 or 21 were creepy enough.


Is that right? I am going over to my brother's house. I get to bask in my young cousin. They think this is quite alright. They think of me to be in some type of gang or the mob. I can't say whether I am or not.

http://img413.imageshack.us/img413/715/21cc15b02d5e966fe128484.jpg

Quoted from ich bien berliner:
Yeah uh so do you have a thesis or anything? It seems like it's just a bunch of unrelated paragraphs assembled together, is it a response to something someone else wrote or...? I'm not trying to be mean; I could care less about your past posts here. The writing is kinda choppy and there's no argument to tie anything together, the whole time I was reading it, I was asking myself "what is this guy trying to tell me?" because it's really not that clear what your goal is.


Please save the nonsensical "English fencing" bullshit and tell me if you have a response for all of this. To say there is no argument presented is a load of bullshit and I would wish that you would have an actual response instead of dancing around saying I present no actual substance. Of course there is substance to my writing, you have yet to really address it.

Address it if you wish, dance around it if you wish. If you choose to dance around it as you are doing I will brush you aside as having no actual response as you have presented no response. I don't believe you are asking to yourself what the writing was trying to tell you. I believe you simply have no response to it and would rather present mindless criticism, criticism that holds no actual substance, unlike my own writings.
This reply was last edited on 12-28-10 04:57:40 AM by wiki.
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Reply 11 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:31:58 AM)
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Quote:
To embrace free trade is to embrace the suffering of millions of poverty stricken laborers worldwide. Free trade is defined as trade without the interference of government regulation. Without government regulation trade is instead decided by the companies, who make decisions solely on money and greed, keeping only in mind the possible profit margins. Pure capitalism is not to be trusted in regards to these laborers and their welfare. Free trade is the reason Chinese sweatshops exist. Chinese laborers will typically make enough to eat, work and make Nike shoes. These are then shipped over to the United States and possess artificially skyrocketed prices straight off the backs of these laborers.

Free trade and associated globalism is regarded as beneficial to the United States only because the sheer profit margins attained by the companies that exist here. Globalism puts the interests of first world countries ahead of those third world developing countries. The result is the suffering of millions of the laborers at the hands of American corporations. Companies are interested only in profit margins, not of the welfare of 3rd world country workers. Globalism and free trade is responsible for these 3rd world sweatshops and the terrible conditions these workers live in.


Globalization has done far, far more to hurt the average American worker than it has done to "hurt" the Chinese worker. In fact, quite to the contrary, while American laborers have seen their wages stagnate in the past 20 years and available jobs shrink, most Chinese laborers have seen their wages increase dramatically over the same period with opportunities for employment constantly expanding. America's industrial base has been raped, pillaged, and been seeded with salt by corporate moguls and politicians bent on increasing profit margins.

In fact, far from hurting the 3rd world, I'd say globalization is their ticket to our sphere of wealth. When I say "their", I am referring to their top 20% who is going to get the lion's share of profits made from American and other Western consumers.

The only people in America who really benefit from globalization are the top 1% who derive their income from capital gains made on Wall Street. It can be argued that these gains do in fact trickle down to the top 50% of income earners, but it is fallacious to think that the anyone below it sees much from it except a crumby job at a retail outlet.

To fix this, I'd say the biggest thing would be bringing back the manufacturing sector and export capitalism to the United States. Both of these made solid jobs for Americans. How would you do this? Easy, tax breaks for domestic producers and tax hikes for companies that outsource their manufacturing overseas. I say bring back the Smoot-Hawley tariff!
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pedophile+nazi

Reply 12 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:39:45 AM)
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Quoted from oirassiv:

Globalization has done far, far more to hurt the average American worker than it has done to "hurt" the Chinese worker. In fact, quite to the contrary, while American laborers have seen their wages stagnate in the past 20 years and available jobs shrink, most Chinese laborers have seen their wages increase dramatically over the same period with opportunities for employment constantly expanding. America's industrial base has been raped, pillaged, and been seeded with salt by corporate moguls and politicians bent on increasing profit margins.


Do you wish to insinuate that free trade does not hurt the Chinese worker? I am not sure that is was you are saying. While it is great that the Chinese workers wages are increasing you cannot deny the grim reality that the 3rd world sweatshops present.

I find it very interesting your views that free trade hurts the American worker! Tell me more about this! In what what ways specifically does free trade hurt the American worker?

This is the kind of writing and substance I have been looking for. It is a shame, vissario, that the other INTL'ers cannot present the same intellectual writings that you can.

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Reply 13 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 09:47:38 AM)
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Quoted from ich bien berliner:
Yeah uh so do you have a thesis or anything? It seems like it's just a bunch of unrelated paragraphs assembled together, is it a response to something someone else wrote or...? I'm not trying to be mean; I could care less about your past posts here. The writing is kinda choppy and there's no argument to tie anything together, the whole time I was reading it, I was asking myself "what is this guy trying to tell me?" because it's really not that clear what your goal is.
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Reply 14 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 10:01:47 AM)
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Quote:
Please save the nonsensical "English fencing" bullshit and tell me if you have a response for all of this. To say there is no argument presented is a load of bullshit and I would wish that you would have an actual response instead of dancing around saying I present no actual substance. Of course there is substance to my writing, you have yet to really address it.

Address it if you wish, dance around it if you wish. If you choose to dance around it as you are doing I will brush you aside as having no actual response as you have presented no response. I don't believe you are asking to yourself what the writing was trying to tell you. I believe you simply have no response to it and would rather present mindless criticism, criticism that holds no actual substance, unlike my own writings.


chill bro, i thought you wanted feedback on the essay.

your thoughts on socialism are not incorrect. nor are they interesting in any way
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I mean,

Reply 15 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 01:56:13 PM)
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Quoted from too busy bangin':
Quoted from ich bien berliner:
Yeah uh so do you have a thesis or anything? It seems like it's just a bunch of unrelated paragraphs assembled together, is it a response to something someone else wrote or...? I'm not trying to be mean; I could care less about your past posts here. The writing is kinda choppy and there's no argument to tie anything together, the whole time I was reading it, I was asking myself "what is this guy trying to tell me?" because it's really not that clear what your goal is.



I've already addressed this. If you wish to address it back then please do so instead of reposting a quote of something I've already answered.

Quoted from ich bien berliner:
Quote:
Please save the nonsensical "English fencing" bullshit and tell me if you have a response for all of this. To say there is no argument presented is a load of bullshit and I would wish that you would have an actual response instead of dancing around saying I present no actual substance. Of course there is substance to my writing, you have yet to really address it.

Address it if you wish, dance around it if you wish. If you choose to dance around it as you are doing I will brush you aside as having no actual response as you have presented no response. I don't believe you are asking to yourself what the writing was trying to tell you. I believe you simply have no response to it and would rather present mindless criticism, criticism that holds no actual substance, unlike my own writings.


chill bro, i thought you wanted feedback on the essay.

your thoughts on socialism are not incorrect. nor are they interesting in any way


I have received no feedback, and don't seriously imply as though you have actually read past the first paragraph and that your posting is nothing other than simply nitpicking that this writing has no substance or form, which it does. The thesis obviously being about the benefit of socialism in America. Leaving out a "thesis" sentence or paragraph is not a basis for dismissing the entire article I have written.

Do not comment on the nature of how interesting the writing is because I really doubt you have actually read it. Your prior posts regarding the topic show no indication you actually have.
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Reply 16 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-25-10 02:14:49 PM)
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I'll get to it later.
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Reply 17 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-26-10 02:51:47 AM)
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It's true, I didn't read all of it. I made it through about eight disjointed, choppy, unrelated paragraphs before I gave up. Dude, I get it. You think socialism would be good for America. Me too. Why do you ask for feedback and then get hella mad and accuse me of not reading it when I give you exactly that? take a fuckin break man i'm not trying to be mean
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Reply 18 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-26-10 08:42:42 AM)
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Quote:
Please save the nonsensical "English fencing" bullshit and tell me if you have a response for all of this. To say there is no argument presented is a load of bullshit and I would wish that you would have an actual response instead of dancing around saying I present no actual substance. Of course there is substance to my writing, you have yet to really address it


I haven't read it yet and I will, but I want to address this attitude: If you think writing well is "nonsensical" then I'm not sure what you're trying to do. If you think you're going to convince anyone of anything if the writing is sloppy and poor then I'm not sure what to tell you.

In other words: If you want to convince people of things you have to be willing to communicate in an effective manner.

I know you want feedback on the piece itself and I'll get to it when I have some time to devote to it.

PS: To clarify, what type of feedback are you actually looking for? Or do you just want me to say it's the best thing ever and I instantly agreed with everything you wrote? Because if that's the case then I can save myself a few hours.
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Reply 19 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-26-10 12:28:18 PM)
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Quote:
I have received no feedback

No. You received feedback; it simply isn't the feedback you wanted. There's a difference.

It should go without saying that you should proofread/edit before submitting this to anyone anywhere, even INTL, if you want constructive criticism. I could go through this with a fine tooth comb and rip it to shreds grammatically, but I won't. And as a forenote, I did read the entire thing, top to bottom.

In terms of the content of the post, have you ever ridden in a car or bus with air brakes? If you hit the brakes too fast the automobile comes to a lurching stop instead of a smooth halt. That's what this "short couple of pages" is. A bus with air brakes. You're talking about health care and education, then fair trade, then back to health care and education, then taxes, then the relationship between poverty and crime rates. I get that you're arguing for socialism, but you are really all over the map and because of that this...article (I guess it is?) lacks definition and therefore does not maintain the reader's interest.
Quote:
Leaving out a "thesis" sentence or paragraph is not a basis for dismissing the entire article I have written.

Teachers, professors and editors have all dismissed articles for this very reason. In persuasive writing, you will get nowhere fast if you lack an opening thesis. You're also lacking a closing statement, which would help tie all this together, but honestly, the main issue with this work is that it lacks focus. There is no cohesion and no flow; as ice said, it's choppy and just kind of messy. Perhaps collecting all your points on education, then your points on health care, followed by free trade etc. and explaining how each relates to the next as transitional paragraphs would help.

I have, I believe, excellent reading comprehension skills, as do most of the people in this thread (and at INTL as a whole). However, I had to reread many of your paragraphs to understand your point, and I was left feeling slightly confused and a little lost from the point of the article. If you really want to get feedback about your argument, you need to present it in a readable way. This is not readable. If you can fix the problems with flow and focus your overall argument, the article will benefit.
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This reply was last edited on 12-26-10 01:21:37 PM by Amphytrite.
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Reply 20 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-26-10 01:07:15 PM)
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BAM
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User is currently banned until further notice.

I mean,

Reply 21 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-28-10 04:53:29 AM)
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Quoted from james joyces trashcan:
Quote:
Please save the nonsensical "English fencing" bullshit and tell me if you have a response for all of this. To say there is no argument presented is a load of bullshit and I would wish that you would have an actual response instead of dancing around saying I present no actual substance. Of course there is substance to my writing, you have yet to really address it


I haven't read it yet and I will, but I want to address this attitude: If you think writing well is "nonsensical" then I'm not sure what you're trying to do. If you think you're going to convince anyone of anything if the writing is sloppy and poor then I'm not sure what to tell you.

In other words: If you want to convince people of things you have to be willing to communicate in an effective manner.

I know you want feedback on the piece itself and I'll get to it when I have some time to devote to it.

PS: To clarify, what type of feedback are you actually looking for? Or do you just want me to say it's the best thing ever and I instantly agreed with everything you wrote? Because if that's the case then I can save myself a few hours.


Save yourself a few hours if you wish, I am not looking for immediate praise such as patting a dog on the head for retrieving a ball.

In all honesty the formatting could certainly be better but I take this negative attitude towards those who have clearly not read it and are just taking shots from the peanut gallery who provide no substance themselves. In other words, I do not believe a thinly veiled "I don't like you" is very good feedback, if you should actually call it feedback.

Quoted from dewey deciman:
Quote:
I have received no feedback

No. You received feedback; it simply isn't the feedback you wanted. There's a difference.

It should go without saying that you should proofread/edit before submitting this to anyone anywhere, even INTL, if you want constructive criticism. I could go through this with a fine tooth comb and rip it to shreds grammatically, but I won't. And as a forenote, I did read the entire thing, top to bottom.

In terms of the content of the post, have you ever ridden in a car or bus with air brakes? If you hit the brakes too fast the automobile comes to a lurching stop instead of a smooth halt. That's what this "short couple of pages" is. A bus with air brakes. You're talking about health care and education, then fair trade, then back to health care and education, then taxes, then the relationship between poverty and crime rates. I get that you're arguing for socialism, but you are really all over the map and because of that this...article (I guess it is?) lacks definition and therefore does not maintain the reader's interest.
Quote:
Leaving out a "thesis" sentence or paragraph is not a basis for dismissing the entire article I have written.

Teachers, professors and editors have all dismissed articles for this very reason. In persuasive writing, you will get nowhere fast if you lack an opening thesis. You're also lacking a closing statement, which would help tie all this together, but honestly, the main issue with this work is that it lacks focus. There is no cohesion and no flow; as ice said, it's choppy and just kind of messy. Perhaps collecting all your points on education, then your points on health care, followed by free trade etc. and explaining how each relates to the next as transitional paragraphs would help.

I have, I believe, excellent reading comprehension skills, as do most of the people in this thread (and at INTL as a whole). However, I had to reread many of your paragraphs to understand your point, and I was left feeling slightly confused and a little lost from the point of the article. If you really want to get feedback about your argument, you need to present it in a readable way. This is not readable. If you can fix the problems with flow and focus your overall argument, the article will benefit.


Thank you for the constructive comments on the actual flow of the writing; I agree it simply could be better. I have originally broken down my subjects into three one pagers but when combined together it doesn't flow very correctly. Taken as a single page at a time they flow much more correctly. I had originally written this for a blog one page at a time. Reading back on this criticism I can see why it appears to have no flow. Taken one page at a time it has a certain flow but all three pages lumped together provides for a potentially confusing read. In the context of one page at a time, the writing makes much more sense.

Not certain I would call it an "article" rather than a piece for a blog, just my thoughts on the issues; there just happens to be three of them, but all lumped together. Three pages on three issues. I will see if I can edit the original post to make the writing more clear.

Quoted from too busy bangin':
BAM


Immature quips such as this gives me the impression of you implying "I don't like you so I don't like your writing." I am not sure your comments can be considered much more than that. Now I will give you that others have said the writing could be considered rather confusing, but I did not really feel as though you actually wanted to give feedback on it instead of a thinly veiled "I remember you and I don't like you, so therefore I don't like your writing." I am not sure from your posts that this attitude from you is very hard to identify.

Understand why I have directed this attitude towards you; you direct the same towards me. I would prefer us "getting along," but it appears you simply have a negative attitude towards me and anything I write in general.
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Reply 22 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-28-10 04:57:57 AM)
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Proofread this:

You suck.
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poop
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Reply 23 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-28-10 02:19:38 PM)
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Quoted from Wiki:

Quoted from too busy bangin':
BAM


Immature quips such as this gives me the impression of you implying "I don't like you so I don't like your writing." I am not sure your comments can be considered much more than that. Now I will give you that others have said the writing could be considered rather confusing, but I did not really feel as though you actually wanted to give feedback on it instead of a thinly veiled "I remember you and I don't like you, so therefore I don't like your writing." I am not sure from your posts that this attitude from you is very hard to identify.

Understand why I have directed this attitude towards you; you direct the same towards me. I would prefer us "getting along," but it appears you simply have a negative attitude towards me and anything I write in general.

nah, I don't care about you enough to dislike you. Same probably goes for everybody else that you've "defended" yourself against in this thread. Stop saying "clearly haven't read my article" because as Amphy has very clearly and concisely pointed out, the writing is atrocious and extremely hard to follow. I'm confident that everybody that posted in this thread either read the entire article or at the very least, enough to learn that it's sloppy and doesn't seem to say anything.
This reply was last edited on 12-28-10 02:37:33 PM by poop.
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Reply 24 of 66 (Originally posted on: 12-29-10 01:35:16 AM)
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Horrible writing notwithstanding, all you've managed to accomplish with this thread is make yourself appear paranoid and a bit nutty. Don't go accusing me of not reading the entire thing either. I read the whole thing. However, at regular intervals, my mind began to wander and it was a chore to complete. Not because I lack attention span or comprehension skills, but because it's simply not written in a compelling fashion. I don't want to beat a dead horse by reiterating what's been said already, so I'll talk about something I care more about.

If you want to go against the grain and advocate socialism, you're gonna need to present your ideas better. You don't have a voice of authority, instead it comes across as a kid who really doesn't know what the hell he's talking about. Don't get me wrong, it's clearly a topic you're passionate about, but the disjointedness makes it appear as if it's a work of pure emotion, instead of thought. In order to remedy that, you're going to need to educate yourself more on the topics. Read Marx and Engels, read Oscar Wilde, pick up a copy of The Grapes of Wrath from the library, listen to David Harvey speak, pick up a book by Slavoj Zizek, read everything you can by Chomsky, Zinn, and Bertrand Russell, check out Naomi Klein, watch some Godard. Hell, while you're at it, read some Friedman, and pick up a book by Ayn Rand and read it cover-to-cover. Not only will you gain ideas, but you'll stand to gain significantly in your exposition, clarity of ideas, understand the opposition and more importantly, know what you're talking about, and in doing so not manage to transform the opposition, nor yourself, into a caricature.


Bottom line: this essay is not compelling, disjointed, with poor exposition.

Pros: Socialism is sweet.

Advice: Read more on the topic.
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