What's in your email spam?



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Sunn O)))
INTL Alumni
14 year RP master

Zan-beef

Ballkicks: (+761 / -127)
Posts: 5458 (0.783)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laputa
Gender: Male

I have over 600 spam messages over the last week in my email accounts. Clearly they should have some of humorous value? How about yours?

RE: "Bacteria infections are not your trouble anymore."

Quote:
Show her how real man drills

RE: "Attenttion!"

Quote:
Him a licking. Sarah put out her hand. Sit down, sanatan
is kutastha or uniform or immutable. Munjakesa, illud, nulli
rei adsensurum esse sapientem, nihil group themselves around
these two figuresthe first appeared to me as if he wished
to read the character.

RE: "She gonna worship your hose"

Quote:
Lite your bedroom with fire once and for all!

RE: "Make your boner your pride"

Quote:
Turn your bedroom into a volcano of pleasure.

RE: "I am at internet-cafe now"

Quote:
I Love Free Things(TM)

RE: "If your reservoir is empty"

Quote:
Why being weak, when joy of bright life is near?

And ones with just titles:
RE: "Only here you can find solution to all your male troubles" - I wish.
RE: "My thoughts on sister" -

RE: "Raise the bed intensity a few notches" - YES!
RE: "Let's visit land of cakes tonight" - GOD YES!
RE: "Does 6 p.m. suit you?" - Uh, not really...
RE: "Strange messages from you" - True, very true.

Ryan
Big Sausage Pizza

From west philadelphia born and raised on the playground it's said I spent most of my days

Ballkicks: (+64 / -17)
Posts: 1202 (0.228)
Reg. Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary
Gender: Male

"Beth threw a boot at you"

‹just dandy› but. again. funnel aspect. I don't want anything put in there unawares. I'm no Richard Gere.
‹Purple› If it was Sunny doing it, s/he'd be pretty rough
‹just dandy› ouch. I just involuntarily clenched.

Ztolk
INTL Premium Member
Rawr.

definitely threw the blue lego

Ballkicks: (+838 / -47)
Posts: 7237 (1.04)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: r, θ, φ
Gender: Male

Today I got one from "The Jewish Agency" and all that was inside was a street address in Jerusalem.

"I used the internet to get laid once. That is not a shining moment of pride for me. The worst thing? She evidently gave me chlamydia, which I evidently got cleared up."
-Wandering Idiot

Widukind
MARCHINTOCH SI 4 DA FAGZZZZ

M/F? No one knows

Ballkicks: (+126 / -166)
Posts: 865 (0.132)
Reg. Date: May 2003
Location: Quebec
Gender: Unspecified

Quoted from Ztolk:
Today I got one from "The Jewish Agency" and all that was inside was a street address in Jerusalem.

Well well, it looks like someone is on the good side of the Mossad.

Spiff
!!!

gtfo

Ballkicks: (+258 / -11)
Posts: 1058 (0.167)
Reg. Date: Nov 2003
Location: Panel 2
Gender: Unspecified

Quoted from "marge":
"Become her master, he, whose rod can show her where heaven is."

This thread reminds me of this comic, which hasn't been updated in two years but is still pretty amusing.

D
Sticks \vs/ Drums
Ñ…Ð¾Ñ‡Ñƒ ÑÐ¿Ð°Ñ‚ÑŒ

i didn't have the strength to get it all the way off

Ballkicks: (+1952 / -91)
Posts: 18505 (2.657)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location:
Gender: Male

Quoted from Spiff:
Quoted from "marge":
"Become her master, he, whose rod can show her where heaven is."

This thread reminds me of this comic, which hasn't been updated in two years but is still pretty amusing.

Some of those are hysterical, literally laughing out loud.

barticus
INTL Premium Member

LBH was here.

Ballkicks: (+48 / -16)
Posts: 197 (0.031)
Reg. Date: Jan 2004
Location: central illinois
Gender: Male

http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/299

i lol'd as i usually do when wizards are added where they dont belong

Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.

flaming arrow
INTL Premium Member

old time judge suck cock

Ballkicks: (+1266 / -281)
Posts: 18725 (2.688)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location:
Gender: Female

I don't ever get any interesting spam. Just the occasional email from WOW gold-selling websites telling me about their great new deals.

Nun: Sister Augustine believes in things that aren't real.
House: I thought that was a job requirement for you people.

Dr. House: Isn't it interesting... religious behaviour is so close to being crazy that we can't tell them apart.

Eve: Abortion is murder.
Dr. House: True. It's a life and you should end it.
Eve: Every life is sacred.
Dr. House: Come on. Talk to me. Don't quote me bumper stickers.
Eve: It's true.
Dr. House: It's meaningless.
Eve: It means that every life matters to God.
Dr. House: Not to me. Not to you. Judging by the number of natural disasters, not to God either.

Widukind
MARCHINTOCH SI 4 DA FAGZZZZ

M/F? No one knows

Ballkicks: (+126 / -166)
Posts: 865 (0.132)
Reg. Date: May 2003
Location: Quebec
Gender: Unspecified

holy fuck i had forgotten about spamusement, i nearly shat myself at this one: http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/307

seriously i think i pooped a little.

Sunn O)))
INTL Alumni
14 year RP master

Zan-beef

Ballkicks: (+761 / -127)
Posts: 5458 (0.783)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laputa
Gender: Male

There's still newer ones in their forum.

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.397)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

Quoted from House:
I don't ever get any interesting spam. Just the occasional email from WOW gold-selling websites telling me about their great new deals.

Quit buying gold n00b

Amphytrite
Hard for Drah

I don't really even like hearing about it or reading about it

Ballkicks: (+1869 / -83)
Posts: 6818 (1.098)
Reg. Date: Apr 2004
Location: Cowpenis
Gender: Female

But gold is at an all time high!

Spiff: amphytrite, the anti-tart

Purple: Amphy, scratch my neckfat

Ztolk
INTL Premium Member
Rawr.

definitely threw the blue lego

Ballkicks: (+838 / -47)
Posts: 7237 (1.04)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: r, θ, φ
Gender: Male

I got another email from the Jewish Agency. I unsubscribed.

"I used the internet to get laid once. That is not a shining moment of pride for me. The worst thing? She evidently gave me chlamydia, which I evidently got cleared up."
-Wandering Idiot

mmac
INTL Premium Member
it's INTL, not the fucking UN - Amphy

3ms will rise again

Ballkicks: (+254 / -35)
Posts: 2339 (0.397)
Reg. Date: Feb 2005
Location: Minneapolis
Gender: Male

Quoted from Ztolk:
I got another email from the Jewish Agency. I unsubscribed.

Now they know you read the email. Prepare for the onslaught.

Ztolk
INTL Premium Member
Rawr.

definitely threw the blue lego

Ballkicks: (+838 / -47)
Posts: 7237 (1.04)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: r, θ, φ
Gender: Male

But that would be in clear violation of the CAN-SPAM act of 2003!

"I used the internet to get laid once. That is not a shining moment of pride for me. The worst thing? She evidently gave me chlamydia, which I evidently got cleared up."
-Wandering Idiot

Amphytrite
Hard for Drah

I don't really even like hearing about it or reading about it

Ballkicks: (+1869 / -83)
Posts: 6818 (1.098)
Reg. Date: Apr 2004
Location: Cowpenis
Gender: Female

I once received a spam header that read

Quote:
Amphytrite, you suck

Not a good way to get me to read your email.

Spiff: amphytrite, the anti-tart

Purple: Amphy, scratch my neckfat

Sunn O)))
INTL Alumni
14 year RP master

Zan-beef

Ballkicks: (+761 / -127)
Posts: 5458 (0.783)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laputa
Gender: Male

I have a new best friend:

Quote:
"Hi,
My name is Eva. I am looking for a friend to chat.
I have a picture if you want. No need to reply here as
this is not my email. Write me at : xxx@gmail.com
Eva."

atlas sighed (at me)
User is currently banned until further notice.

Quoted from Jiffy:
I once received a spam header that read

Quote:
Amphytrite, you suck

Not a good way to get me to read your email.

If someone mailed something to me under "Vissario" on my main account, I would be in a panic.

A witty saying proves nothing - Voltaire

Amphytrite
Hard for Drah

I don't really even like hearing about it or reading about it

Ballkicks: (+1869 / -83)
Posts: 6818 (1.098)
Reg. Date: Apr 2004
Location: Cowpenis
Gender: Female

Well, my email is amphytrite @ gmail so it wasn't much of a stretch.

Spiff: amphytrite, the anti-tart

Purple: Amphy, scratch my neckfat

Snook
INTL Premium Member
...

enlightening 6 year olds on the horrors of war

Ballkicks: (+247 / -65)
Posts: 3045 (0.468)
Reg. Date: Jun 2003
Location: Chi-town
Gender: Male

I never get interesting spam.

Hello my name is Kristoffer Jørgensen and I am from Norweigen I come to see hot USA girls and history landmarks!!

Sunn O)))
INTL Alumni
14 year RP master

Zan-beef

Ballkicks: (+761 / -127)
Posts: 5458 (0.783)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laputa
Gender: Male

RE: "Saw you today."

Quote:
Is it a hassle for you to keep your wang up all night?

RE: "Bambi"

Quote:
Maybe you need to try it

This reply was last edited on 05-10-09 09:51:49 AM by Sunn O))).

Hoff
Lightnin' Hopkins

Helping a brother out.

Ballkicks: (+192 / -38)
Posts: 2563 (0.461)
Reg. Date: Jan 2006
Location:
Gender: Male

Somehow some spam site has figured out how to get around my spam blocker by sending me spam from myself.

I get about ten emails a day from my own email address informing me my penis is too small. Maybe I'm trying to tell myself something.

Ryan
Big Sausage Pizza

From west philadelphia born and raised on the playground it's said I spent most of my days

Ballkicks: (+64 / -17)
Posts: 1202 (0.228)
Reg. Date: Nov 2006
Location: Calgary
Gender: Male

Britney naked again!

Quote:
She will learn once and for all that your pork steeple is the best!

My pork steeple is the best!

We can make your man's volcano erupt like a famous Etna!

Quote:
Become her master, he, whose rod can show her where heaven is.

Target Elusive G-Spot FFor female orgasm

Quote:

Gave a deep sigh. Yes, she said, we will go home. Burning at the head of
the bed, that had been of taking flight, when some loud cries resounded
but, according to this account, timbuctoo contains puddings. A boil'd pudding.
beat the yolks of for his country with 'buts' and 'ifs' and 'ands.' each
with a bundle on his head, making their way.

This isn't spam so much as wrongly addressed email, which I get a lot of:

Quote:
Good evening Mrs Hayes,

You have an awesome soldier and an even better person/brother/father/buddy in your son Mike.

He is a good friend of mine and I hope all is well with you!!! By the way, it's his round and I don't want him to girl out on us!!!!!

Sean.

Sent from my wireless handheld device / Transmis de mon appareil portable

I'm confused as to why this random person is sending his army buddy's Mum an email.

This reply was last edited on 05-13-09 05:07:33 PM by Ryan.

Sunn O)))
INTL Alumni
14 year RP master

Zan-beef

Ballkicks: (+761 / -127)
Posts: 5458 (0.783)
Reg. Date: Mar 2002
Location: Laputa
Gender: Male

RE: Stop repelling your manliness

RE: Nature gives someone better meat tool, other ones are not so lucky. Cheat the nature

RE: Dopping for your pork sword!

RE: Make it reach your knee

Quote:
Now you can see it

RE: She'll spread legs if you'll get bigger

Quote:
Doctors recommend it why not try

RE: How are you?

Quote:
When your wife is waiting for you, take the blue pill.

RE: Unlimited energy for nights

Quote:
No girl will stay without your attention, because you rod will be ready at all times

RE: Want your nether rod to stay?

Quote:
We will return you the exciting feeling of mighty staying meatstick-champion

RE: Spears like to lick it

Quote:
Calmness in your love bay: Because your rod is able to stay

atlas sighed (at me)
User is currently banned until further notice.

How is it that you get so many advertisements for male enhancement products?

Just out of curiosity, of course.

A witty saying proves nothing - Voltaire

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