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neon

is going to post her bus stop here tomorrow, and we will love it.

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(Originally posted on: 01-01-06 07:10:50 PM)
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I found this the other day on a livejournal subway community ( made mainly for bitching ) :

Quote:
We were asked to write a "how-to" essay, and so I decided to write mine on how to be a typical Subway customer. Seems to fit here, so I thought I'd post it.

How To Become A Traditional Subway Customer

The typical Subway Sandwiches customer is not like the average person. They are a unique brand of demanding, satisfied only when the underpaid, overworked teenager in front of them has been completely degraded. They will stop at nothing to inconvenience an employee. Their dedication to their cause is most admirable. Having observed these strange creatures for over a year now, I feel that I am educated enough to teach the rest of the world how to successfully become a Subway customer.

Firstly, the ideal customer will have an average of eight small children with them at any given visit to Subway. All of them will want Kids Packs, so be sure to come in later on in the afternoon, when your local restaurant is more likely to be out of the deli-style bread used as kid sandwiches. Throw a fit when the sandwich artist meekly tells you that they are out, but that they can cut a six inch so that it’s roughly the same size as a deli. Make sure you are too busy arguing with the employee to do anything when one of your kids discovers the mystical bell that rings whenever the door is opened, and then proceeds to repeatedly open and close the door. Subway employees are trained to run up front whenever the door bell goes off, so this is a sure-fire way to inconvenience them.

When your kids are ordering, be sure to have them speak directly into the sneeze guard, so that they cannot be heard. When the employee looks at you in frustration, pretend not to notice. Then scream at said employee for putting pickles on the sub, when your child clearly said mayonnaise. Repeat this for each child you bring in. Before you’re halfway through, an enormous line of other Subway customers should’ve formed behind you. Be sure to take great joy from the look of agony on the employee’s face as they try in vein to get through you and your herd of small children as quickly as possible, so that they can wait on other customers.

Now that your kids have ordered, it’s time for you to decide what you would like to eat. It’s best if you have absolutely no idea what you’re in the mood for, or if you’re even hungry at all. The longer you can hold up the line while making “hmm” noises, the better. Don’t say whether or not you want a foot long or a six inch until at least the fourth time the sandwich artist has asked you, and never, no matter what, tell them what kind of bread you would like your sub on until after you have rambled off every last topping that you would like added to your sandwich. Since it is unlikely that the employee will remember what vegetables you wanted, or that the same employee will even be handling the vegetables, they will probably ask you to list them again, later. When this happens, let them know how annoyed you are. Once you finally must make known what kind of bread you want, try and pick one that you think will be out of stock. If it is, let the employee know that your entire day has just been ruined, and that you are outraged. Grudgingly accept whatever substitute they offer. Who cares if Italian Herbs and Cheese bread is more or less the same thing as Parmesan Oregano? The Italian Herbs and Cheese bread was something you’ve been looking forward to all day. It’s the only good thing in your life. And now, you’re being asked to settle for something that’s “more or less” the same thing. How dare they?

Another important thing to remember while ordering, is that you should definitely rub your dirty hands all over the sneeze guard. Don’t stop until you’re positive that you’ve left your mark. Try and encourage your kids to mimic you, as well. The management at Subway is very picky about the appearance of the sneeze guard, and whenever they happen to find it looking anything short of crystal clean, an employee gets yelled at.

When it comes time to add the vegetables to your sub, list them all off in one breath. If possible, combine all the words into one quick, unintelligible noise. “Lettuce, tomato, onions, and green peppers” should become “lets-om-on-peppers”. When asked to repeat yourself, shout the names of the vegetables out as though speaking to a deaf two-year old behind sound-proof glass. The more condescension in your voice, the better. When the employee asks if you want anything else on your sub, say “no”. Wait until the sub has been wrapped and bagged to stare incredulously at the person and demand to know whether or not they put the dressing you wanted on it. When they say that you didn’t say to put any dressing on it, tell them to unwrap the sub and add eight different kinds of condiments. It’s not your fault that the employee wasn’t able to receive the telepathic message you sent to them saying what dressing you wanted. It’s their fault, because they’re young and stupid and trying to put themselves through college. Indeed, you are superior to them in every way, shape, and form. Be sure to have the expression on your face convey the fact that you know this.

When it finally comes time to eat, spread you and everyone you came with, including the mob of children, out among four or five different tables. Make sure that everyone at every table tries very hard not to let any bit of the food actually enter their mouths. It’s much better off on the table and on the floor. Don’t let anyone pick up any wrappers or empty drink cups. Instead, leave them strewn across the tables and chairs. This will ensure that the employees are still miserable, even after you’ve gone.

If you are able to follow these steps, you should have no problem becoming a traditional Subway customer. Do not get discouraged if you do not completely succeed the first time. Treating those Subway employees masquerading as fellow human beings with such little respect is difficult at first. Just remember that practice makes perfect!"


That's a great essay. There are a few things left out such as the customer asking why it doesn't look like the one in the picture. Before I worked at subway I liked people. My life had more in it than school and 20 something hours of making sandwiches. But its all worth the $120 that ends up getting spent on useless crap by the next pay day!
You are just jealous because you don't have the poke'mon theme song on your mp3 player!

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Reply 1 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-01-06 09:00:15 PM)
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The forgot the part where the "sandwich artist" can't even cut your 12 inch sub in half correctly, and then gives you a dirty look for asking them to cut the sandwich all the way through.

Another crappy thing, our subway only uses Haal-al meats=no pork they still have bacon though WHAT THE FU
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Reply 2 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-01-06 10:08:02 PM)
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Are you sure it's bacon? Maybe it's thinly sliced heathen.

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neon

is going to post her bus stop here tomorrow, and we will love it.

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Reply 3 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-01-06 11:37:03 PM)
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Quoted from mmac:
The forgot the part where the "sandwich artist" can't even cut your 12 inch sub in half correctly, and then gives you a dirty look for asking them to cut the sandwich all the way through.




Because to tell you the truth we don't care about your sandwich experiance. *sigh*
You are just jealous because you don't have the poke'mon theme song on your mp3 player!

J monkey <3
STFU, biatch
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Reply 4 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-01-06 11:44:42 PM)
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Quoted from neon:


Because to tell you the truth we don't care about your sandwich experiance. *sigh*


hey if i drop by can i have a free sandwich

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Reply 5 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-02-06 02:28:20 AM)
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Quoted from neon:
Quoted from mmac:
The forgot the part where the "sandwich artist" can't even cut your 12 inch sub in half correctly, and then gives you a dirty look for asking them to cut the sandwich all the way through.




Because to tell you the truth we don't care about your sandwich experiance. *sigh*


i like encouraging subway guys to "go crazy" with the toppings. one time some guy put everything on, and i said nope not crazy enough, and he made a smiley face out of olives i'm a serial-killer :)
mmac
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Reply 6 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-02-06 02:45:34 AM)
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Quoted from neon:
Quoted from mmac:
The forgot the part where the "sandwich artist" can't even cut your 12 inch sub in half correctly, and then gives you a dirty look for asking them to cut the sandwich all the way through.




Because to tell you the truth we don't care about your sandwich experiance. *sigh*
If your paid to make me a sandwich and part of making me a sandwich includes cutting it in half, you shouldn't have a problem with me asking you to do it.
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Reply 7 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-02-06 09:39:02 AM)
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One time I went to Subway and asked for mayo, and she thought I said tomato, although I clearly said mayo.
Tazzo
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Reply 8 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-02-06 10:41:19 AM)
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Quoted from stumpy006:
One time I went to Subway and asked for mayo, and she thought I said tomato, although I clearly said mayo.


thATS RIDICULLOUS
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Reply 9 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-02-06 04:57:34 PM)
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I remember when Subway stopped cutting the bread in trenches and just started it slicing it regular. People complained about it like their lives were ruined.

All the breads taste pretty much the same to me, but I like Italian Herbs & Cheese best. Parmesan Oregano gives you like a 93% chance of getting stuff caught in your teeth.
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Reply 10 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-02-06 06:43:37 PM)
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I went to Subway last week, and the Mexican guy behind the counter didn't know all the names of the condiments yet, so I just had to point to the ones I wanted.

He was nice though, so I gave him a big tip. Thirty four cents is a lot in Mexico!
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Reply 11 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 12:04:17 AM)
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I always make it a point to call them "sandwich artist" whenever at all possible. I find that name hilarious and demeaning.

"Hello, sandwich artist, I'd like a Cold Cut Combo this afternoon."

"Thank you, sandwich artist."

I used to want to work at Subway, but then I realized how demeaning it is actually having to interact with customers, so I decided to get a job at Pizza Hut as a cook. Never had to interact with customers, so albeit I hated my job, I didn't hate it as much.

Sandwich artists. That's hilarious.
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Reply 12 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 12:48:27 AM)
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I get all my footlongs for $2 from young girls and I always smile nicely at them because that makes them give me extra condiments and makes me feel even better about ripping off Subway.

BUT NOT TOO YOUNG BECAUSE THAT IS WHACK.
bradism.
STFU, biatch
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Reply 13 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 12:58:40 AM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:
I always make it a point to call them "sandwich artist" whenever at all possible. I find that name hilarious and demeaning.

"Hello, sandwich artist, I'd like a Cold Cut Combo this afternoon."

"Thank you, sandwich artist."

I used to want to work at Subway, but then I realized how demeaning it is actually having to interact with customers, so I decided to get a job at Pizza Hut as a cook. Never had to interact with customers, so albeit I hated my job, I didn't hate it as much.

Sandwich artists. That's hilarious.


well..you see...i program and run an internet forum..... what am i

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Reply 14 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 01:07:58 AM)
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I'm always nice and polite, I don't see why not to. They don't call themselves sandwich artists, someone pinned that to them. I love subs.
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Reply 15 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 01:41:14 AM)
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I pity anyone who has to face a job like that.

Saying that, at least they don't have to deal with drunk pissy people like us (ex)bar workers.

My job now involves asking people their opinions on random stuff over the phone without having to sell or face someone. It can be boring but no where near as pitiful as customer service in somewhere like Subway.

Computer games don't affect kids! I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music
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Reply 16 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 02:23:20 AM)
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Sandwich Artists? Sandwich martyrs is more accurate...jeeze. Hay Suezz

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Reply 17 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 06:08:49 AM)
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Quoted from Dante:
I went to Subway last week, and the Mexican guy behind the counter didn't know all the names of the condiments yet, so I just had to point to the ones I wanted.

He was nice though, so I gave him a big tip. Thirty four cents is a lot in Mexico!


You give tips at fast food restaurants? OMG why is Dad kissing that guy?!?
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Reply 18 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-03-06 06:17:56 AM)
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arrgh, ya think you got annoying costumers, well let me tell you some stories from the twillight zone that is my workplace

first of all, there are the wierd drunks and losers of society

- some weeks ago this woman started appearing who buys beer (In Denmark we accept bottles that you get like 1 crown for when you deliver them back to a store, and i we just have a case in the corner of the shop where people can put them in, because it's really really disgusting for me to just take their soggy plastic bags and take the smelly wet beer bottles up and put them in the case myself, so i always instruct them to do it), and well, she just tries to hand it to me and i say no everysingle time, further more she can't count and she has an extremely hard time describing what she actully wants. she also licks her disgusting gums in the most icky way....The last saturday she came in, and stood in line with the other costumers, i think there was 4, and i swear she smelled so stron of urine, it was astounding that the other costumers didn't leave.......i was about to barf from the stench, and she asked me about some cakes and if we had anymore, and i just screamed NO, to make her leave.....oh, she also has oggly googly crazy eyes

Then there are the people from greenland, and unfortunate group who don't understand how annoying they are, everyone knows that they are alcoholics, but they still try to hide that they are.....
Basicly they just come in, and throw some money on the counter and mutter the brand of beer they want, and then i have to count all the different notes and coins that they have thrown...instead of normal people who already have a fixed amount of beer that they want to buy, the greenlanders want to use every single 'penny'
Further more, they always run around with big notes (because that's how they get their welfare, and i always have to exchange for a 500 crown bill, because they never have anything under a 200, because if they can't control themselves, and have to use anything under 500, seriusly, they will occupy the counter and keep buying and buying shit they don't need because they just have to buy something, and it's usually annoying things that i have to put the most effort into, like coming up and asking me to prepare butter on his bun, when it's the bussiest day of the year, and because he is tired of waitng for the taxi i called for him, even though i said to the fool that no taxies would come on this busy fucking day, but the idiot said "call anyways"

The there are the wierdos, one who comes in the store, and checks every single item and walks around for ½ an hour, before buying cookies and shit, when the moron could get it much cheaper if he just stood ealier up and bought some at the discount store, instead of in a cornershop at 21.30 in the evening. One time he had a candy wrapper stuck in his hair, seriusly, a fucking candy wrapper, in his greasy shoulderlong hair, which could trap insects and small mammals, i am sure.
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Reply 19 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-04-06 01:51:29 AM)
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Quoted from STFU:
Quoted from Sandamnit:
I always make it a point to call them "sandwich artist" whenever at all possible. I find that name hilarious and demeaning.

"Hello, sandwich artist, I'd like a Cold Cut Combo this afternoon."

"Thank you, sandwich artist."

I used to want to work at Subway, but then I realized how demeaning it is actually having to interact with customers, so I decided to get a job at Pizza Hut as a cook. Never had to interact with customers, so albeit I hated my job, I didn't hate it as much.

Sandwich artists. That's hilarious.


well..you see...i program and run an internet forum..... what am i
Oh. I get it! Good one, man! I'm totally zinged on that one.

I hope you get some neon-cred for that, because you earned it.
Snowy
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Reply 20 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-04-06 01:53:54 AM)
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Sandamnit, why dont you ever say anything nice? *sigh*

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STFU, biatch
not bobby

YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUCKING!

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Reply 21 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-04-06 01:59:13 AM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:
Oh. I get it! Good one, man! I'm totally zinged on that one.

I hope you get some neon-cred for that, because you earned it.


i thought this was the audition thread for the intl frontpage MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS

zippo-chan is my new samurai graduate......if anyone objects, speak now and forever rest in peace
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Reply 22 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-04-06 02:03:02 AM)
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Quoted from Snowy:
Sandamnit, why dont you ever say anything nice? *sigh*
Give me one reason why I should and "so that Snowy and STFU will continue to post here" isn't a valid reason.
Quoted from STFU:
Quoted from Sandamnit:
Oh. I get it! Good one, man! I'm totally zinged on that one.

I hope you get some neon-cred for that, because you earned it.


i thought this was the audition thread for the intl frontpage MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
Oh man, INTL frontpage. You're so fresh. You should seriously consider taking your act on the road, because you've got talent.
STFU, biatch
not bobby

YOU CAN'T CUT BACK ON FUCKING!

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Reply 23 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-04-06 02:06:18 AM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:
Oh man, INTL frontpage. You're so fresh. You should seriously consider taking your act on the road, because you've got talent.


oh man, overbearing sarcasm and trite sitcom dialogue

zippo-chan is my new samurai graduate......if anyone objects, speak now and forever rest in peace
Snowy
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Reply 24 of 56 (Originally posted on: 01-04-06 02:21:32 AM)
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WE ARE NOT A TWOSOME I AM A STRONG INDEPENDANT WOMAN OF MEANS.

Ooooo that was low!

And I like it that you're such a big bastard, was just snapping your garters in return for your 'you're such a bitch' commentary in TEZ a few weeks back. It was kinda like Idi Amin calling Hitler a meanie.

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