Skizzles
INTL Premium Member
Okay, Okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!
I <3 you too.
Ballkicks: (+145 / -59)
Posts: 744 (0.123)
Reg. Date: Mar 2004
Location: Out of the Silent Planet
Gender: Male |
(Originally posted on: 08-08-05 04:27:26 PM)
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Well this came as a rather unexpected turn of events. Now I am willingly heading off to a military school in Front Royal VA, and I have halted my move for emancipation, and for the first time in 6 months, if I pee in a cup, you can't find any illegal substances in it no matter how hard you search 
So, Thursday night, my parents are upstairs watching Fiddler on the Roof and I am downstairs in the basement swallowing 80 robitussin gel cap pills ready for a night full of enlightenment and inexpressable wonders. For a moment there, I think I was immortal. I am about to trip out of my mind, in a few weeks those dastardly no good parents of mine will be completely out of my life, I have a wonderful girlfriend that I've been dating for 8 months who if I could I would marry and whisk away to a perfect life full of smiles and beautiful children, I am only 16 years old yet I have broken more laws and obtained more knowledge and insight than any of those silly adults that I know who follow that insufferable thing called "christianity", and I have to look forward to a life full of unrestrained excitement and adventure. Am I right? Oh no Skizzles, you are very, very wrong.
So I lay down in bed with this 1200mg of Dextromethorphan pumping through my body, and I start to feel it come on to me and I get real excited, because for some strange reason I haven't smoked marijuana in over 2 weeks and I haven't had the desire to. In fact, in over 14 days I haven't put any unusual substances into my body, nor have I snuck out of my house or even really broken any laws. Unheard of! What's gotten into me...It almost seems like there's something more to life than rebellion...Why haven't I been doing my usual tomfoolery? Is it because I have that desire to have a promising future? Is it because I want everything to be ok in the end, and I want to prove to the world that I really am a good kid who's maybr made some mistakes, but I can turn them around? Is it because I want that big house out in California with my beautiful wife whom I have known since high school who I support with my awesome job at AMD as a computer engineer that I got with my degree from MIT? But then I was like "Nah, the future can worry about itself, you are now, and the now is here, so enjoy this trip into the unknown, because there's many more to come..."
That's when I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, I found myself wailing at the side of the toilet on my bathroom floor, barfing my guts out, watching this vile red fluid being ejected out of my innards. "OH SHIT OH SHIT I AM GOING TO DIE WHAT HAVE I DONE" is all I could think to myself. And then I just closed my eyes again and was like "Yea, so this is what death feels like here we go..." and that's when I heard my mom running down the stairs to see what had just happened to her beloved son. When she sees him completely incapacitated lying on the floor in his own vomit totally helpless, she lets out a cry of maternal distress and calls for my father, who runs down the stairs behind her and simply says "OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE". After the initial shock of everything wears off, I manage to stand up and stagger over to my bed without saying a word to either of my parents, and I plan to just play it off like it's been food poisoning or something. I mutter out something like "ugh sorry I am so sick, let me get some advil and I'll be ok in the morning I think" and plop into bed and I think I passed out for 15 minutes. When I come to, it appears all my vomit has been cleaned up, and both my parents are hovering over my bed with the most concerned look on their faces. The interrogation begins! "What drugs are you on right now?" my mom immediately asks. I was able to make my lips say something like "I don't do drugs, you know that...I am just sick, leave me alone". "Your pupils are the size of dinner plates, you can't sit still, your speech is slurring and you just threw up a mysterious red gel. If you don't tell us what you are on right now, you're going to the emergency room." At that time I chose to remain silent and I slipped into unconciousness again. When I awoke again, it was just my dad over my bed, and my mom was upstairs calling 911.
Now by this time, I am tripping out of my mind. You can imagine 1200mg of a powerful psychadelic drug ravaging my brain added with the confusion and terror of my parents being involved, even though I was struggling to remember who I was and how my parents got to where ever I was, I had some small recognition of what was going on. The last thing in the world I wanted at that moment was to go to the hospital. All I could think of were the medical reports, police reports and possible local media coverage of "LOCAL BOY ABUSES COUGH MEDICATION AND ENDS UP IN HOSPITAL GOING INSANE, PARENTS SHOCKED!". So I had nothing else to do but try my best to communicate: "PLEASE STOP, DON'T CALL THE EMS, I TOOK ROBITUSSIN DAMNIT, DEXTROMETHHHHHOOOORRRPPPPHAAAANNNN, I WILL BE OK IN A FEW HOURS, I WON'T DIE, PLEASE I WON'T DIE I PROMISE JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND FORGET YOU EVER SAW ME LIKE THIS I AM SO SORRRRYYYYY!!"
The combination of my desperation to regain control of the situation and my complete fear of what was going to happen might have made me have a false peak in my trip, but I am pretty sure what then happened was the peak. I became totally and completely dissociated with everything. I stopped shouting, laid back in my bed, and time just stopped. I couldn't remember who that dude was who just ran out of my basement to go tell some crazy thing something I had just said, but I was pretty sure they weren't real, and I was pretty sure that what I was feeling right now was as things had always been, and that this dissociated state is totally normal. That might have been the most "gone" I have ever been in my life. All my memory, my identity, my ability to communicate and recognize existance just completely melted away. I was just THERE, nothing more, nothing less. During this time all I could hear in my head was something saying "this is not normal, this is not how it really is, this is not fun, this is living hell, don't ever do this to someone who loves you again" I think I laughed at that point, because I didn't know where the hell that voice could be coming from, and the whole idea of a voice and the whole idea of me interpreting the sounds was just so foreign and funny to me.
I was probably in this totally dissociated state for about an 60-90 minutes. I can't really remember what I was seeing, I think it was just patterns on my ceiling, but I can't remember for sure. After the peak began to subside, bit by bit my perception of reality began to come back to me. I began to be aware and to remember things "Ok...I am in my basement, and these two things are in my room..." My parent's faces were indescribable blurs. A little while more I could start to see their emotions. Both of them were crying, both of them were the most sad I have ever seen in my life. This in turn made me somehow realize that I had caused this sadness, I am the reason for bringing such pain and grief on two entities who have done nothing for the past 16 years of my life but love me, cherish me and sacrifice in trying to give the best of life to me. How could I do this to them? How could I be such an insensitive selfish fuck? Why did I feel the need to do this? I realized that everytime I alter my mind with drugs, it's basically giving the middle finger to those who care about me most because I am not satisfied with the life they have created for me. Everytime I use a drug, it's like me taking their loving hearts and smashing them on the ground without care. I take their most cherished possession, me, and I turn it into a twisted tripping blob of insanity for them to see?
So now the come down of my trip begins, and I am struck with extreme dysphoria, a feeling of sadness and remorse that I didn't think was possible to feel. The visuals I was seeing were pure destruction, if I closed my eyes all I would see were images of death and desolate wastelands. If I opened my eyes, all I saw was my two loving parents, sobbing at the sight of their terrible wicked son and what he had done to himself. I thought of what would happen if my teachers, who thought I was such a bright and perfect boy, with a great future, could see me now, completely fried out of my mind. What about my girlfriend, the most important girl in the world to me? What if she had walked into my basement and seen me in a complete wreck, the man who she sees as strong and without flaw, a useless pile of emotional distress. What could I do but apologize? I just sat there crying, curled up in the corner of my bed, saying over and over again "I am so sorry, never again, never again, I will never hurt you all like this again, please forgive me, I am so sorry" etc. etc. etc. Then around 4 AM both my mom and dad just left me there to wallow in my despair and they went to bed for the night, emotionally exhausted.
The next morning I woke up in a total and utter stupor. I wasn't even sure if last night had really happened, and I hoped to god that it was all just a really really bad trip and that everything will be ok next time I see my parents around the house. I walked into their bedroom, and sure enough, it was all very very real. Nobody said anything for what felt like an eternity, until my dad looked at me and said "Yea, I hope you had a great time last night, because I know your mother and I had a blast." So I could do nothing but look them both in the eyes, and give them the most heartfelt and sincere apology of my life. I told them that I have messed my life up this far, but it will go no further. And to make up for what I made them go through, I offer them the rest of my life and all my future successes that I will achieve. Now I want to do nothing but make them proud. So my father said I could start some reparations by dropping the whole emancipation thing and agreeing to enroll in Randolph Macon Academy, and I was like "your wish is my command" and he was like "k good". So I spent all of friday filling out paperwork to enroll myself at http://www.rma.edu
Saturday, I got my beloved glass marijuana pipe (R.I.P. Papa Smurf  ) and handed it over to my parents and told them everything, and apologized for everything. To my suprise, my parents knew more than I suspected, they're definitely more sneaky than I thought. I knew that they knew I smoked marijuana, was rather obvious from the three drug tests I failed over the summer, but they knew about almost all the times I snuck out, they knew that this wasn't my first time doing DXM, and they knew that all those times I had been too "sick" to go to work or school I was really just a hung over drunkard. The fact that they knew all of this yet they still cared for me and loved me all the same just made me feel even more terrible about what I have been doing. All I had left of my personal stash was 5 ecstasy rolls that I had bought last saturday after payday (the other 25 I had sold, along with my weed and shrooms, and I had given all my alcohol to a friend who I owed from way back.), which I flushed down the toilet, and I gave my parents all the money I had made from selling, and that money went to the church the next day.
So it is finished, my mind is clear, and my body is cleaned, and I have no regrets about turning my back on that lifestyle. I also have no regrets about originally getting involved in it either, but I am a bit disappointed that it didn't have what I was looking for, and it's time to move on. It's kind of nice to have 100% legit money in the wallet and not always worrying about whether my parents will call the police on me when I am out at night. I have made mistakes, I have done some amazing and ballsy things, but it's time to settle down, look to the future, and trust my parents to lead me in the right direction. I am pretty excited about heading to Randolph Macon Academy, I still get away from my parents and I'll definitely get some breathing room, but I won't have the rejection and hurt of despondant parents. I know it won't be a perfect cakewalk there, and there will be a lot of temptations there that I will have to resist, but overall I think it's the best path for me. My parents, my friends and even my girlfriend (who is so wonderful to not abandon me because of my mistakes, but who will support me and continue our relationship just as its always been during my time at Randolph Macon.) all agree that this is the best for me, and I get to leave campus every weekend and drive just an hour to get home, so I am not even completely disconnected from them, I still get to see my girlfriend every friday-saturday-sunday along with my parents and friends. I am very optimistic about my future, and I am convinced that long term and compulsive drug use is not a solution to anything, although it can definitely enhance you a bit and help you see the world in a different light, and I think a lot of my drug experiences have been beneficial. As far as religion goes, eh, I am still searching, and I don't think I'll come to a definitive answer for quite a while, but I got some time to think about it for sure 
So yea...Whadda ya think?
I’m the new king, I’ll take the queen...
[ 12:34am ] <14Xunny> It may be highly viscous, but it doesn't mean it will stay there forever.
[ 12:34am ] <04AntiAmi> my member is better now
[ 12:34am ] <04AntiAmi> it stopped burning yesterday
[ 12:34am ] <14Xunny> and Menion should shut the fuck up
[ 12:34am ] <06+JimRowley> well i dunno bout the underaged literotica stuff
[ 12:34am ] <06+Amphytrite> that's the spirit, sunny.
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