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flaming arrow
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(Originally posted on: 10-10-02 05:32:53 AM)
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This is a guide for the mentally challenged blokes we all hate and dispise. Newbies.

If you're not a newbie, read this anyways. I like to waste people's time and money.

If you ARE a newbie, have the nearest person with an IQ above 110 come help you read this guide.

By the way, if you don't read this entire thing I'll hunt you down and disembowel you.

Let's begin.

Rule #1: OMFG! Refrain from overusing acronyms such as "LOL", "OMG", "IMO", "BTW", and "STFU." This will not go over well with the general forum populous. Granted, using them in chatrooms, where time is of the essence, is perfectly acceptable, but you will be deemed a "lamer" or "AOLer" if you continuously use them here. This is a forum, it's not real time. You don't have to shorten phrases into acronyms to save time. So please, type everything out. Instead of "LOL" say "Hahaha, that was funny, FA. I liked that bit where you owned that guy and then he cried." Instead of "OMG" say "Oh my god, that was so offensive. I hate you!" Get the picture? Good. If you don't, this place isn't for you. You might try going here instead. Also, lamer phrases such as "1337", "y hal0 thAr", "r0x0rz", and the like should only be used in instances where you are mocking an individual sarcastically. They are NOT to be used in any serious manner. If you do use them as such, you will be mocked, laughed at and spit upon. So don't do it, alright? And by the way, for the love of God don't shorten words like "you're" to "ur", "you" to "u", "please" to "plz", or "thanks" to "thx." That's just annoying and people hate it. It can be acceptable if you're doing it sarcastically, but don't do it constantly. If you do, you will know nothing but agony. On to rule #2.

Rule #2: Spelling! Sure, spelling isn't easy for a lot of us. You may be stupid, foreign, or just plain ignorant. Either way, you're not good at spelling. I understand that. But those aren't excuses. If you aren't sure how to spell "Manhattan" or "violence", don't just guess and end up spelling them "Manhaten" and "vilense." That will get you nowhere around here. If you think you've spelt something wrong, open up a dictionary. If you don't have one handy, you can check Dictionary.com. It's also understandable that you may not be able to spell huge, complicated words like "maliciousness" or "appropriative", but if you cannot spell small, simple words that these fine, dedicated people called "teachers" taught us normal kids in Elementary School while you and the "cool" kids were smoking Camel Lights and sniffing paint thinner behind the gymnasium, then maybe this isn't the place for you. Again, this place is probably better for you.


Rule #3: Grammar! This should go hand in hand with spelling. Now, I'm not asking you to be a freaking Grammar Nazi (HEIL WEBSTER!) or anything, I'm just asking you to obey the simple rules of grammar. Don't say "Yo, see, I was saying that and this yo. Then I told the dude, I told him, ya see, I told him 'No, I ain't see nothing!' and he was all "Pff, yeah, right. You be seeing shit aight.' and then he left. WTF is that?" That doesn't even make sense, does it? No, it doesn't. I think I hurt myself just typing it. Now, while slang can be acceptable to some degree, try not to completely throw out all the grammaritical rules we were taught in Elementary School back before we started to smoke pot. You can say "Yo, what's up? I saw Jerry, and he totally dissed my mom. What's up with that, Jim?" You can't say "aight yo i saw jerry and he wuz all dissing up on my momma like crazy mad whats up with him" Alright? You got it? I hope so. Also, capitalization. This seems to fit with the "grammar" theme so I'll add it in. Quite a few forumers here seem to like posting without caps, I find it annoying, they don't. That's fine. It's very minor, but if you would at least use caps in pronouns and thread titles, it would be appreciated. "The Day I Lost My Virginity" looks like an interesting thread to me. The fact that Joe Forumer took the time to capitalize means this will probably be a good thread. "the day i lost my virginity" does not look like a good thread. Why? Well, the fact that Jim Forumer didn't use any caps tells me he's so lazy that he won't spend the extra .30 seconds it takes to capitalize every word means that they probably won't put any effort into the rest of the thread. So why should I bother? But it's up to you, I can't force you to capitalize. Yet.

Rule #4: Contribute! Please, please contribute! Don't walk into a thread, say "ROFL, ur funny" and then leave. EXPLAINERATE. Say "Hahahaha, that was a good joke, old chap! I especially liked the part where the Muslim got beaten to death by the crowd of skinheads! Classic stuff!" If your posts are consistently ten words or less, you will be branded as a moron and a spammer and possibly banned depending on the mood/ovulation of the moderator or administrator. And if you are making a thread, say, with a link to a news article, please quote a paragraph of the article and tell everyone your opinion on it. Don't just post the link. Got it? That was easy.

Right now you might be thinking "Why did I read all of that?", well, fuck you. But you may also be thinking "Hey, wasn't a lot of that mentioned in the ToS and the FAQ?" If you are thinking that, I love you. That means you actually took the time to read that FAQ and the ToS, and not only that, you remembered enough of it to recognize some of the things mentioned in the FAQ and ToS in this thread. Thank you! If you haven't read the FAQ or TOS, you should die. Or, just read them now. I'm serious. READ THEM NOW!

FAQ
Terms of Service

MISCELLANEOUS:
You will need twenty posts in order to distribute Karma
You will need fifty posts in order to get an avatar
You will need fifty posts in order to upload files
You will need thirty posts in order to give out custom titles

Failure to read the afforementioned links will result in banning, humilation and/or death.

Alright, those are pretty much all the things I wanted to cover. I'm tired, it's late, so I probably missed some things. Bring them up if you think I should add them.
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
This reply was last edited on 10-29-02 10:27:44 AM by flaming arrow.
Stormraider
User is currently banned until further notice.

im gay

Reply 1 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-10-02 07:05:16 AM)
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*claps*

Long overdue my friend, long overdue.


EDIT: 40,000!
Stormraider- 73.275% of your daily dose of Cynical Jackass!!
Or how about you participate and NOT be a troll.- Salamando
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Reply 2 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-10-02 10:10:04 AM)
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Quote:
Another thing, please, for the love of Yoyo-Ma, CAPITALIZE! we dont need posts that are just nothing but lowercase. Maybe it's me, but I find that annoying. Weren't we all taught that little rule in 4th grade?

fuck you


and, well done...
you've made another forum guide that basically says the exact same things as every other forum-guide ever made
and the exact same things as the forum rules say...

on the other hand, its a real easy way to get compliments for your intelligence

edit: oh yeah, i forgot the obligatory "WOW FA UR SO SMART!!!"

WOW FA UR SO SMART!!!
my eyes are blind but i can see
the snowflakes glisten on the trees
the sun no longer sets me free
i feel the snowflakes freezing me
This reply was last edited on 10-10-02 12:30:50 PM by drahnier.
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Reply 3 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-10-02 12:50:23 PM)
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wow..i never realized i was being graded on my work here. wonder how many points i've lost for incorrect punctuation and improper capitalization?
omg, i'm so lolol.
chambraigne: shampoo for your hair AND your brain.
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Reply 4 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-10-02 01:54:49 PM)
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Quoted from Flaming Arrow:

Rule #4: Grammar! This should go hand in hand with spelling. Now, I'm not asking you to be a freaking Grammar Nazi or anything, most of us here at INTL don't pay much attention to all grammaritical rules.


well, i don't know about you, but i am.

Quote:
Another thing, please, for the love of Yoyo-Ma, CAPITALIZE! we dont need posts that are just nothing but lowercase. Maybe it's me, but I find that annoying.


i believe that it's just you. i only use caps for emphasis. for instance, this sentence doesn't deserve caps, as there isn't anything that i really really want to point out to anyone.

Quote:

Rule #5: Read the Terms Of Service, damn it!




this really cannot be emphasized enough. also, if you think something might get you banned, ASK A MOD, YOU MORON.

we're all available via PM, so use it.

also, don't flame in ID, or one of the terrible trio of mods will destroy your soul.

thank you and have a nice day!
Bobby Crosby
antpocas
"Sex is not dating."
"If it were, Santana and I would be dating.


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Reply 5 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-12-02 02:09:49 PM)
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Drahnier and FA are on a hate spree against each other, although they had man-secks many years ago.
But nice job, FA.
If you can read this, you need another beer. If you can't, you need some glasses.
flaming arrow
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old time judge suck cock

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Reply 6 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-12-02 06:57:13 PM)
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Ugh, I overreacted that day. Let's get back on topic.
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
drahnier
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Reply 7 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-12-02 08:38:10 PM)
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Quote:
Drahnier and FA are on a hate spree against each other

yeah, 2 replies is a fucking hate-spree
my eyes are blind but i can see
the snowflakes glisten on the trees
the sun no longer sets me free
i feel the snowflakes freezing me
Tyr

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Reply 8 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-12-02 08:54:00 PM)
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Let us shave our heads and tattoo serial numbers upon our crowns!
"...Try. Try. Try some more. Look how much you're failing." -Wheezy
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Reply 9 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-12-02 11:51:16 PM)
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Bah, speaking of worthwhile posts, there certainly won't be any in a thread like this. That is mostly because FA is speaking the truth, and the newbies who make these kind of mistakes see the thread and go, "Oh no, an entire four paragraphs!! Whatever will I do?"
Beliefs are dangerous. Beliefs allow the mind to stop functioning. A non-functioning mind is clinically dead. Believe in nothing... - Tool
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Reply 10 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 03:17:14 AM)
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Quote:
Let us shave our heads and tattoo serial numbers upon our crowns!


Like 47!
Tyr

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Reply 11 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 10:41:16 AM)
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The idea of that post was to signify the importance of the topic.
"...Try. Try. Try some more. Look how much you're failing." -Wheezy
flaming arrow
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Reply 12 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 08:31:14 PM)
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I'm confused....

How so?
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
peach
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Reply 13 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 08:35:21 PM)
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He's saying that guy doesn't know how to make worthwhile posts.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
flaming arrow
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old time judge suck cock

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Reply 14 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 08:36:50 PM)
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Oh, I get it. I misunderstood. Har har, Tyr.

*whips everyone* NOW BACK ON TOPIC!
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
Tyr

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Reply 15 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 08:57:02 PM)
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I was going to write "Achtung" but forgot your no-other-language rule.
"...Try. Try. Try some more. Look how much you're failing." -Wheezy
asthetik
I SHOULD READ THE HALL OF REJECTS MORE OFTEN!

making jabs at each other is what the internet is for you fucking idiots. oh, and for stealing things.

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Reply 16 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 09:00:12 PM)
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Nice, fairly comprehensive and well written, however, I felt you missed one area...

Quoted from My similar such post at Koolplace.com:
Don't fall into the trap of using smilies in every fucking post. In fact, I don't see many situations where you have to use smilies at all. I'd recommend avoiding using them at all, or otherwise you'll grow lots of back hair and have to move to Tibet and live as a Yeti.
flaming arrow
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old time judge suck cock

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Reply 17 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-13-02 09:12:39 PM)
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That's a good idea, Hessian. I hate smilies. I'll add that in.
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
flaming arrow
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old time judge suck cock

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Reply 18 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-17-02 04:40:08 AM)
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Alright, we have some new people here, so I'm stickying this.
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Until I stop seeing you as hating me and wanting me banned, you're on my shit list." - Globethrasher |
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
Monkeybone


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Reply 19 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-17-02 04:55:01 AM)
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OK so who are the others? *prepares for the newbie club*
antpocas
"Sex is not dating."
"If it were, Santana and I would be dating.


GLEEK

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Reply 20 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-17-02 05:20:09 AM)
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Quoted from Mr Bounce:
Quote:
Let us shave our heads and tattoo serial numbers upon our crowns!


Like 47!

Mr Bounce, you should stop playing hitman for a while.
*grabs CD and shatters it*
If you can read this, you need another beer. If you can't, you need some glasses.
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Reply 21 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-26-02 11:19:09 PM)
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Don't ya'll have a problem with smilies too? That's the hardest for me, I'm just a smiley person.... I guess not everyone can be the ray of sunshine I am ::fights urge to smile::
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Reply 22 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-26-02 11:26:28 PM)
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smilies are used occationaly.


and YES! someone who uses the same action tags as me. ::flexes ::,:: action tags::
Never really understand what anything means
And how can I resist, something more than this?
Another second of my life, not knowing if it's true
Whispering the secret, whispering there is
Always something other, something more than this
antpocas
"Sex is not dating."
"If it were, Santana and I would be dating.


GLEEK

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Reply 23 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-27-02 09:34:35 AM)
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Quoted from NeuroticOne:
ya'll

Please don't use this word again. It sounds terrible, if you ask me.
If you can read this, you need another beer. If you can't, you need some glasses.
Andrea

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Reply 24 of 246 (Originally posted on: 10-27-02 01:19:46 PM)
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Ya'll sounds terrible?! I get this crap all the time from people at my University, and If I can take persecution from real people I think I can handle it from YA'LL. It's such a handy word though, I don't even understand what other people use... All of You? That's two extra syllables...What's the point?
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