flaming arrow
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(Originally posted on: 10-10-02 05:32:53 AM)
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This is a guide for the mentally challenged blokes we all hate and dispise. Newbies.
If you're not a newbie, read this anyways. I like to waste people's time and money.
If you ARE a newbie, have the nearest person with an IQ above 110 come help you read this guide.
By the way, if you don't read this entire thing I'll hunt you down and disembowel you.
Let's begin.
Rule #1: OMFG! Refrain from overusing acronyms such as "LOL", "OMG", "IMO", "BTW", and "STFU." This will not go over well with the general forum populous. Granted, using them in chatrooms, where time is of the essence, is perfectly acceptable, but you will be deemed a "lamer" or "AOLer" if you continuously use them here. This is a forum, it's not real time. You don't have to shorten phrases into acronyms to save time. So please, type everything out. Instead of "LOL" say "Hahaha, that was funny, FA. I liked that bit where you owned that guy and then he cried." Instead of "OMG" say "Oh my god, that was so offensive. I hate you!" Get the picture? Good. If you don't, this place isn't for you. You might try going here instead. Also, lamer phrases such as "1337", "y hal0 thAr", "r0x0rz", and the like should only be used in instances where you are mocking an individual sarcastically. They are NOT to be used in any serious manner. If you do use them as such, you will be mocked, laughed at and spit upon. So don't do it, alright? And by the way, for the love of God don't shorten words like "you're" to "ur", "you" to "u", "please" to "plz", or "thanks" to "thx." That's just annoying and people hate it. It can be acceptable if you're doing it sarcastically, but don't do it constantly. If you do, you will know nothing but agony. On to rule #2.
Rule #2: Spelling! Sure, spelling isn't easy for a lot of us. You may be stupid, foreign, or just plain ignorant. Either way, you're not good at spelling. I understand that. But those aren't excuses. If you aren't sure how to spell "Manhattan" or "violence", don't just guess and end up spelling them "Manhaten" and "vilense." That will get you nowhere around here. If you think you've spelt something wrong, open up a dictionary. If you don't have one handy, you can check Dictionary.com. It's also understandable that you may not be able to spell huge, complicated words like "maliciousness" or "appropriative", but if you cannot spell small, simple words that these fine, dedicated people called "teachers" taught us normal kids in Elementary School while you and the "cool" kids were smoking Camel Lights and sniffing paint thinner behind the gymnasium, then maybe this isn't the place for you. Again, this place is probably better for you.
Rule #3: Grammar! This should go hand in hand with spelling. Now, I'm not asking you to be a freaking Grammar Nazi (HEIL WEBSTER!) or anything, I'm just asking you to obey the simple rules of grammar. Don't say "Yo, see, I was saying that and this yo. Then I told the dude, I told him, ya see, I told him 'No, I ain't see nothing!' and he was all "Pff, yeah, right. You be seeing shit aight.' and then he left. WTF is that?" That doesn't even make sense, does it? No, it doesn't. I think I hurt myself just typing it. Now, while slang can be acceptable to some degree, try not to completely throw out all the grammaritical rules we were taught in Elementary School back before we started to smoke pot. You can say "Yo, what's up? I saw Jerry, and he totally dissed my mom. What's up with that, Jim?" You can't say "aight yo i saw jerry and he wuz all dissing up on my momma like crazy mad whats up with him" Alright? You got it? I hope so. Also, capitalization. This seems to fit with the "grammar" theme so I'll add it in. Quite a few forumers here seem to like posting without caps, I find it annoying, they don't. That's fine. It's very minor, but if you would at least use caps in pronouns and thread titles, it would be appreciated. "The Day I Lost My Virginity" looks like an interesting thread to me. The fact that Joe Forumer took the time to capitalize means this will probably be a good thread. "the day i lost my virginity" does not look like a good thread. Why? Well, the fact that Jim Forumer didn't use any caps tells me he's so lazy that he won't spend the extra .30 seconds it takes to capitalize every word means that they probably won't put any effort into the rest of the thread. So why should I bother? But it's up to you, I can't force you to capitalize. Yet.
Rule #4: Contribute! Please, please contribute! Don't walk into a thread, say "ROFL, ur funny" and then leave. EXPLAINERATE. Say "Hahahaha, that was a good joke, old chap! I especially liked the part where the Muslim got beaten to death by the crowd of skinheads! Classic stuff!" If your posts are consistently ten words or less, you will be branded as a moron and a spammer and possibly banned depending on the mood/ovulation of the moderator or administrator. And if you are making a thread, say, with a link to a news article, please quote a paragraph of the article and tell everyone your opinion on it. Don't just post the link. Got it? That was easy.
Right now you might be thinking "Why did I read all of that?", well, fuck you. But you may also be thinking "Hey, wasn't a lot of that mentioned in the ToS and the FAQ?" If you are thinking that, I love you. That means you actually took the time to read that FAQ and the ToS, and not only that, you remembered enough of it to recognize some of the things mentioned in the FAQ and ToS in this thread. Thank you! If you haven't read the FAQ or TOS, you should die. Or, just read them now. I'm serious. READ THEM NOW!
FAQ
Terms of Service
MISCELLANEOUS:
You will need twenty posts in order to distribute Karma
You will need fifty posts in order to get an avatar
You will need fifty posts in order to upload files
You will need thirty posts in order to give out custom titles
Failure to read the afforementioned links will result in banning, humilation and/or death.
Alright, those are pretty much all the things I wanted to cover. I'm tired, it's late, so I probably missed some things. Bring them up if you think I should add them.
Critical Acclaim for Flaming Arrow
| "Funny." - Sandamnit | "Your kingliness shuns Jews." - Wheezy | "I love you." - Zuri | "Spiffy." - NNY |
| "You manage to respond relatively quickly to IMs." - Emp | "You masturbate more than anyone else I know." - Kman |
| "You opened me up to a whole new wonderful world of golden showers and bisexual group sex." - Dani |
| "If Gandhi were straight, and had really ugly children with Ed Gein, that kid might've been half as cool as Phil." - PR |
This reply was last edited on 10-29-02 10:27:44 AM by flaming arrow.
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