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peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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(Originally posted on: 10-04-02 05:46:11 PM)
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It's how I feel right now.

I feel like crying.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
Mr Pixies
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Reply 1 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 05:48:17 PM)
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Well I have a headache and I'm starving, but my testicles are ok. So, why are you sad?
Excuse me while I puke and die.
peach
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Reply 2 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 05:50:24 PM)
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It's sort of a long story and I have to go to work right away.

But my hands are doing this shaking thing they do sometimes when I'm really upset and I'm actually crying now :-/
I'll be ok later.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
Socrateius
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Reply 3 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 05:52:57 PM)
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Quoted from danielle:
It's how I feel right now.

I feel like crying.


Agreed
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 4 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 05:55:39 PM)
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You have a good reason though, Soc.
Well, not that it was good, you know what I mean, and I'm really sorry for how you feel.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 5 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 06:03:49 PM)
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here's a song that sort of reminds me of how i feel.

Quote:
What's the matter Mary Jane, you had a hard day
As you place the don't disturb sign on the door
You lost your place in line again, what a pity
You never seem to want to dance anymore
It's a long way down
On this roller coaster
The last chance streetcar
Went off the track
And you're on it.
I hear you're counting sheep again Mary Jane
What's the point of trying to dream anymore
I hear you're losing weight again Mary Jane
Do you ever wonder who you're losing it for
Well it's full speed baby
In the wrong direction
There's a few more bruises
If that's the way
You insist on heading
Please be honest Mary Jane
Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears
You're the sweet crusader
And you're on your way
You're the last great innocent
And that's why I love you
So take this moment Mary Jane and be selfish
Worry not about the cars that go by
All that matters Mary Jane is your freedom
Keep warm my dear, keep dry
Tell me
Tell me
What's the matter Mary Jane


It'd be cool if someone knew it, but it's a cool song anyway.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
Tyr

I cybered with Kayte

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Reply 6 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 06:54:33 PM)
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It's because I'm a fuck up and an asshole, guys.

So start telling me how I'm a fucking ass and that I should fucking die and that you're going to kill me and the distribution of the negative karma, and whatnot.

So yes.
"...Try. Try. Try some more. Look how much you're failing." -Wheezy
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Reply 7 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 07:00:39 PM)
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Quote:
It's how I feel right now.

I feel like crying.

does this thread belong in SD?
my eyes are blind but i can see
the snowflakes glisten on the trees
the sun no longer sets me free
i feel the snowflakes freezing me
Stormraider
User is currently banned until further notice.

im gay

Reply 8 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 10:41:41 PM)
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Tyr: Start talking to people, the right people, even if it's just those of us who fit the bill. You're beginning to go off the deep end boy, and I'd rather not see you fall.
Stormraider- 73.275% of your daily dose of Cynical Jackass!!
Or how about you participate and NOT be a troll.- Salamando
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 9 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 11:18:50 PM)
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Quoted from Tyr:
It's because I'm a fuck up and an asshole, guys.

So start telling me how I'm a fucking ass and that I should fucking die and that you're going to kill me and the distribution of the negative karma, and whatnot.

So yes.

Tyr, it's not completely you, it's you and a bunch of other stress. I told you that I was angry and I didn't want to talk, but I still didn't hate you. Plus I'm not vindictive and I don't wish harm on you because of this one incident. You hurt me, but you didn't kill me or anything.

Did I give you negative karma? No.
Am I still angry with you? Yeah, because you were incredibly insensitive, and did this last post help? Not at all. You're implying that I'm acting out of raw emotions instead of thinking first, some of us don't do that.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
Mr Pixies
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Reply 10 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 11:32:01 PM)
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Either I missed something, or this was private, but what happened between you and Tyr?
Excuse me while I puke and die.
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 11 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-04-02 11:34:36 PM)
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It's stupid. Nevermind.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
Stormraider
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im gay

Reply 12 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 08:21:37 AM)
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More importantly, what is this massive combination of things?
Stormraider- 73.275% of your daily dose of Cynical Jackass!!
Or how about you participate and NOT be a troll.- Salamando
emtilt

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Reply 13 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 08:59:09 AM)
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Quoted from anaemic royalty:
Quote:
It's how I feel right now.

I feel like crying.

does this thread belong in SD?

No.

are you confused yet?
Lovely Insanity

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Reply 14 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 11:47:37 AM)
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Anyway, Dani, I love you. If you want to talk about it, you know I'm always here. Remember, you'll always be amazing, lovable Danielle to me. No matter what.

And: Alanis Morrisette. Yeah. Good song. I often listen to that cd when I'm really upset.
I have fallen upon a grave not empty.
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Reply 15 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 01:17:39 PM)
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look at me

i was right again
my eyes are blind but i can see
the snowflakes glisten on the trees
the sun no longer sets me free
i feel the snowflakes freezing me
Tyr

I cybered with Kayte

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Reply 16 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 04:00:03 PM)
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Storm, could you explain what you mean about "talking to people who fit the bill?" I don't get it.

Dani: You're right. I WAS being insensitive. Because I was angered and you said something that made me feel defensive. You didn't deserve it.

And I didn't incinuate anything by that last post.
"...Try. Try. Try some more. Look how much you're failing." -Wheezy
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Reply 17 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 05:23:04 PM)
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Level the vibes.
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 18 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-05-02 10:14:48 PM)
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Quoted from Stormraider:
More importantly, what is this massive combination of things?

I guess now that it's sort of over I could explain it.

This is why it was in serious discussions, btw, because I had some serious stuff to say, but I can't talk about stuff when I'm in the heat of angered passion. I just can't. This thread was meant to be about depression and dealing with it, not a spat between Tyr and I.

Alright, I recently moved, and a few factors have led up to this mood I've been in for the past few days.

First: My best friend Justin (Slappo2000) and I had a sort of falling out, I was upset with him, and... It's not even so much what happened just then, but the fact that neither of us talked it through or anything. Also, now that I live in Red Deer with my sister, I can't afford the long distance I could before, so I can't call him and apologize and tell him what he means to me, all I have is this unfeeling email, and I can't seem to word what I want to say right and I don't want to insult him. The point of this whole explanation is so that you understand that someone who I talk to often who helps me relieve stress and who I have a lot of respect for, we don't talk anymore, and it's affected me in a really negative way. So stress++ and sadness/regret++ and a lot more negative emotions because of this.

Second: I just moved, I don't know ANYONE here. I talked to this coworker for awhile, but he's a coworker, not really a friend, and I don't have anyone who I can just call up. I suppose when I moved here I had this naive idea that my sister would be spending more time with me then she is, and she'd be here when I first felt the pangs of being alone set it. It didn't help that she's spending so much time with her boyfriend either. The second and third night I was here she went to her boyfriends house for most of the night, and then she stayed the night. It makes me so lonely to sleep in our apartment by myself, plus, the first time she didn't leave a note, so I stayed up as late as I possibly could and then just dragged myself to my room feeling lonely as ever. Ironically (sort of) as soon as I'd turned all the lights off and snuggled into a cold bed, I heard the door opening.

Third: I have a cold. This one certainly isn't THAT important, but as an overall state to be in, it's not good. I've had it for about two weeks in total now, and I've been taking Nyquil every night for the past few days, which doesn't help much. The only reason this is important at all is that missing all this sleep isn't helping.

Fourth: New Job/Rent money?/other. I have a new job, there is ALWAYS stress at a new job, I keep almost being late. Because I walk there I have to leave by a certain time, it's not like I can speed there in a car or tell them I was stuck in traffic or something. Also, I'm not getting that many hours at my job yet, this makes sense, but it gets me really worried about Rent money. So I think to myself maybe I should find another, better job? Then I think that it may be betraying this company that I've told I would work for them, and the people who I'm working with are nice enough, is it worth it? Anyway, this is all jumbled in my head 24/7 just a bunch of standard stress that I suppose someone who is sort of poor thinks about.

Fifth: I miss my parents, my house, my abundance of food in the fridge and options of what to have for dinner. My Dad emailed me yesterday and the day before asking me about work and how I'm settling in and stuff. It makes me so sad because his emails are so short and cute, just like him. It makes me want to just feel him in my arms, dig my head into his shoulder and have a good cry, just because you want someone there to support you, or maybe I just need someone. Either way, when I'm writing my emails to him it makes me sad that I can't be there, because my mom is away on business and he's home alone and he has a cold too, and there is no one there to take care of him. My Mom called last night too, which made me even more sad, because... Well, this sort of leads into a long story, but basically a few years ago my parents kicked me out, and even when I called home my Mom refused to talk to me, which made me feel like she's ashamed of me, though I really didn't do anything wrong in a physical way, but now that she's calling me, do I take it as a compliment? It makes me sad to think that she's proud of me now, because I'm out of her house (which she was really pushing for) and I'm not being financially supported by her. I know that's sort of backwards thinking, but it's a thought, and it makes me sad to think of it like that.

Anyway, that's most of the stuff anyway. Then Tyr sort of implied that I was insensitive, when I was trying to be polite and courteous the best I could in a situation where I knew that I couldn't be much support, but .. I don't know. It just happened in a wierd way, and someome (Happened to be Nick this time, but it obviously wasn't his fault) made me feel upset which just spawned a whole self-hate sort of thought and that's why I made the thread and that's why I was upset. I think it hurt more just because I hold Tyr/Nick in such a high respect, an insult from him hurts more then someone who says things offhand or things that are insensitive often.
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 19 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-06-02 06:30:05 AM)
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Sorry it was long, a response WOULD feel good right about now...
buck futter!
"Dani, you put the ass in classic" --Justin
"They stripped, she blew, he fucked, they danced" --Wheezy
"I'm pretty sure Danielle and I have our masturbation routines synched." --Flaming Arrow
shelper

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Reply 20 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-06-02 06:48:08 AM)
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im never sure how to respond to these sort of things without sounding corny... MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
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Reply 21 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-06-02 11:54:05 AM)
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Well, I'm likely not going to be much help, Danielle, nor will I affect you much, or at all. But I'd just like to comment on a few things:

Quote:
First: My best friend Justin (Slappo2000) and I had a sort of falling out, I was upset with him, and... It's not even so much what happened just then, but the fact that neither of us talked it through or anything. Also, now that I live in Red Deer with my sister, I can't afford the long distance I could before, so I can't call him and apologize and tell him what he means to me, all I have is this unfeeling email, and I can't seem to word what I want to say right and I don't want to insult him. The point of this whole explanation is so that you understand that someone who I talk to often who helps me relieve stress and who I have a lot of respect for, we don't talk anymore, and it's affected me in a really negative way. So stress++ and sadness/regret++ and a lot more negative emotions because of this.


First thing, I feel sorry that you had to give up your best friend. I haven't had a best friend in a long time, though I've had close friends since then. Therefore, I can't really relate to you that well on this, danielle. However, there are always different ways to contact Justin. You can always figure a way to talk through the internet through microphones, if E-mail and Instant Messaging seem flat and unfeeling for you. Nonetheless, if you make any good friend, or collegues, you can always try 3 way calling. If that doesen't work, you can always discuss with your sister about another long distance plan. If none of this works, there is always normal mail.

Although I hope you find a way to contact him, if you can't, then don't dwell on it too long. Though I question why you don't ask him by e-mail to call you on the phone? Does he have a good long distance plan? As well, It is natural to feel longing for your friends that you can not contact anymore, but you shouldn't live your daily life thinking about it constantly. Thinking does nothing, but make things much more complicated. I know, for I do that as well sometimes.i'm a serial-killer :)

Quote:
Second: I just moved, I don't know ANYONE here. I talked to this coworker for awhile, but he's a coworker, not really a friend, and I don't have anyone who I can just call up. I suppose when I moved here I had this naive idea that my sister would be spending more time with me then she is, and she'd be here when I first felt the pangs of being alone set it. It didn't help that she's spending so much time with her boyfriend either. The second and third night I was here she went to her boyfriends house for most of the night, and then she stayed the night. It makes me so lonely to sleep in our apartment by myself, plus, the first time she didn't leave a note, so I stayed up as late as I possibly could and then just dragged myself to my room feeling lonely as ever. Ironically (sort of) as soon as I'd turned all the lights off and snuggled into a cold bed, I heard the door opening.


It seems to me that you are longing for your sister because you are looking for someone to talk to in person. Your sister is the person you know closest, therefore you look for her for friendship. However, in this case, your sister is trying to live her life as normal without considering the longing you feel for moving. I don't think relating would help you, but I moved when I was only a teenager. In many ways, I missed those people who care for me, but I also realized that I have a chance to start anew, so to speak. As hard as it seems, making friends here helped. I haven't forgotten any friends I've had during my lifetime, but I don't dwell on them all the time, either. I don't base my daily activities and mind on the fact that I don't have them anymore. If you want, and this may be hard for you, try telling your sister how did she cope when she moved to Red Deer. Ask her how she made friends and such. Maybe her lessons could help you make friends and cope with living in Red Deer. Maybe she won't tell you anything. Atleast you tried. The same situation goes with your collegue you have. Try asking him/her what events happen in this city, are there any areas where I can meet people. Obviously you are looking for a longing you won't get from your sister, as much as you may hope. Nor, due to your previous problems, you have bad connections with your friends from where you came from. In time, you should try to get to know people in that city. There are probably several people in your situation, who are longing for someone to talk to.

Also, if you wish, try telling your sister to please leave notes wherever she's going. In many ways, these notes help reassure you that your closest friend in that city, your sister, will be safe and will be coming home to you. If you wish, you can always try a pet to welcome you when you return home, if your sister is gone for long periods.

Quote:
Third: I have a cold. This one certainly isn't THAT important, but as an overall state to be in, it's not good. I've had it for about two weeks in total now, and I've been taking Nyquil every night for the past few days, which doesn't help much. The only reason this is important at all is that missing all this sleep isn't helping.

Fourth: New Job/Rent money?/other. I have a new job, there is ALWAYS stress at a new job, I keep almost being late. Because I walk there I have to leave by a certain time, it's not like I can speed there in a car or tell them I was stuck in traffic or something. Also, I'm not getting that many hours at my job yet, this makes sense, but it gets me really worried about Rent money. So I think to myself maybe I should find another, better job? Then I think that it may be betraying this company that I've told I would work for them, and the people who I'm working with are nice enough, is it worth it? Anyway, this is all jumbled in my head 24/7 just a bunch of standard stress that I suppose someone who is sort of poor thinks about.


... And that missing sleep isn't helping your stress levels either. You can usually sleep off stress for a while. By missing sleep, you are gaining more stress. Nonetheless, too much stress can cause problems to your body. In some cases, you may end up with painful stomach ulcers causing you to have more stress. Try finding something relaxing to do. Secondly, as hard as this may sound, try to rest and try not to think about those issues as you are relaxing. In many ways, by achieving a meditation state, you will be able to cope with stress. There are other things you can do for stress, you can always use drugs, anti-stress balls, read up on and apply meditation techniques, find something relaxing, work-out, try to make friends (or go to events), Play computer games, and so on.

Now, on the issue of your job. Though you may hate to feel selfish, don't think about the employers nor other employees. What you must think about is if you are happy with your job. Is that job really for you? Are you getting enough money to live on? Do the people at the place you're working at, act like a team? Does anyone try to get to know you? Do you try to get to know them? Is it really worth it, do I have any other choice? For the time being, you should give this job a chance. But if, after a while, it doesen't improve, then it is about time you try to find another job you may like. It will take time, afterall the city you live in isn't that big, and it will take patience, but getting a job you enjoy helps your body and your mind quite a lot. If there is no other choice, try handling other jobs as well at the same time. If you've found a job that suits your living style well, then take it and if it pays good, then leave your other jobs. Your previous employers shouldn't get mad or depressed if you decide that, that job isn't for you.

Quote:
(this is the fifth issue, but I am going over the 'characters allowed in one post' limit if I post it)


First of all, your dad may be alone and he may be alright. He likely, by now, has found something to do and enjoy doing. By dwelling on your dads burdens, you aren't helping your situation, nor his. He will get by, he has his daily activities, his wife, you. In many ways, he is lucky. Afterall, one aspect he is lucky for is having a caring and loyal daughter such as yourself. I can not relate to your moms relationship with you, but I am sure other forumers here can. However, even if it helps your stress and makes you feel better, believe that what she says is a compliment. Believe that she is missing you and that she loves you greatly, even though she may not show it at times. Who knows? Maybe that is the truth. But you shouldn't dwell on it over and over again for a long period of time. In many ways, thinking too much on an issue, makes your life revolve around that issue.

In time, you never know what may happen. However, don't dwell constantly on the bad things, or bad things that may happen in your future. It is not helping your mind, nor your body. However, try to think of good things, or what good could come in your future.

I could likely go on and on...but I am going over the limit on how many words I can post. Anyhow, I don't expect this to affect you much, or at all, Danielle.i'm a serial-killer :) I just hope things turn out for the better.

_Sunny.
This reply was last edited on 10-06-02 12:04:03 PM by Sunn O))).
peach
I get enamoured

Just call me "Mom"

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Reply 22 of 27 (Originally posted on: 10-06-02 04:16:36 PM)
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[q=Sunshine]
First thing, I feel sorry that you had to give up your best friend. I haven't had a best friend in a long time, though I've had close friends since then. Therefore, I can't really relate to you that well on this, danielle. However, there are always different ways to contact Justin. You can always figure a way to talk through the internet through microphones, if E-mail and Instant Messaging seem flat and unfeeling for you. [/quote]
Alright, to start, I don't consider it giving up a friend, because I had (and still do) intend to make peace with Justin and become friends again. I sent him an email yesterday when I had some extra time, I wasn't that comfortable with it, because I know it's not in person, but it was thought out and I know he'll appreciate it, I just hope he forgives me and we can move past it.
From something else you said: he has a horrible long distance plan. He's going to university, so money is tight and I'm pretty sure they just get what the University gives to them.
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It seems to me that you are longing for your sister because you are looking for someone to talk to in person. Your sister is the person you know closest, therefore you look for her for friendship. ... As hard as it seems, making friends here helped. ...If you want, and this may be hard for you, try telling your sister how did she cope when she moved to Red Deer. The same situation goes with your collegue you have. Try asking him/her what events happen in this city, are there any areas where I can meet people. Obviously you are looking for a longing you won't get from your sister, as much as you may hope.

I do like talking to people in person, and yesterday it was nice because I got to spend a bit of time with my sister just idly chatting and it felt like it used to, instead of just having a roommate. I drew her a bath, with all my bath oils and powders, bubbles, and candles, and she really, really liked it. Afterwards she asked me to do her hair (since it was just to put it in a ponytail I know she just wanted someone to talk to) so I did it for her and reveled in the moments we spent talking. I sort of think she enjoys the time as I do, but has to divide her time and it's hard to involve me in her everyday activities. If you think of it this way, that she had a fine life, just needed a roommate, and I'm dumped in her lap, she can't re-organize her life because I'm here, she can't ditch her boyfriend who she's been spending a lot of time with; if anything, I'll have to earn some time to be able to be with her more. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to go out drinking with her and some friends, but I refused because I have no money. It was a really nice offer though, and I thanked her for it.
You also mentioned something about getting Nicole to leave notes for me, that's very doable. I think it was the night before last when she left me a note saying she might be gone all night out with her boyfriend, it gave me some sense of security, and knowing that she was a small phone call away helped a lot. I think this whole set-up will just take time, and as I'm getting used to it, I just have to keep myself grounded by thinking that I got myself into it, and I can deal with it as it gets better.

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... And that missing sleep isn't helping your stress levels either. You can usually sleep off stress for a while. By missing sleep, you are gaining more stress. Try finding something relaxing to do. Secondly, as hard as this may sound, try to rest and try not to think about those issues as you are relaxing. In many ways, by achieving a meditation state, you will be able to cope with stress. There are other things you can do for stress, you can always use drugs, anti-stress balls, read up on and apply meditation techniques, find something relaxing, work-out, try to make friends (or go to events), Play computer games, and so on.

I've been having some baths and working on de-stressing quite a bit lately. It's mostly the baths, but I still feel pretty tense for one reason or another, maybe if I get my good ole Beethoven in there with me (*his music, rather) then I can clear my mind like I used to. I guess it isn't the music so much as the state of mind. Tea helps a bit. Can you suggest anything that is something physical (and free) to do that helps one get rid of stress?

--
About the job. I've pretty much figured that I'll put applications for other places, it isn't even that I'm undecided, it's that I still feel conflicted even after I've made my mind up, it's a curse, I'm sure. Now all I have to do is stop procrastinating and dig up/fill out those extra applications.

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First of all, your dad may be alone and he may be alright. He likely, by now, has found something to do and enjoy doing. By dwelling on your dads burdens, you aren't helping your situation, nor his. He will get by, he has his daily activities, his wife, you. In many ways, he is lucky. Afterall, one aspect he is lucky for is having a caring and loyal daughter such as yourself.

First, that's very sweet of you to say i'm a serial-killer :)
Second, I spoke with my father this morning and we had a nice little chat. He told me that he's going hunting with his nephew (something he enjoys) and that his cold is slowly getting better and asked me for some updates on my situation. Hearing his voice alone is like an hour of therapy for me, it's soothing and it makes me feel loved. I guess I really needed that, but I feel much better now. It doesn't stop the need to talk to him, though, but it did soothe my fears and some of my worries, but I'll never stop worrying completely, not only is it in my nature, but I can't think of a time (perhaps when I was really, really young) when I never thought or worried about my Dad's health; it's not even that he's sickly, it's just that he's the most important person in my life, EVER. I can't stand the idea of never being able to hear him again, or not being able to take care of him (the situation I'm in now) but either way, I'm growing to deal with it, but it'll always be there, nagging at the back of my mind, I can't help it. When you love something so dearly, you become dependant on everything concerning it. I love my Dad so much, and everytime I think of him in a situation of danger, it fills me with such... fear. Such a feeling of helplessness. The small change that occurs when he calls me is enough to keep me going for awhile, because I know that he is safe, but you never stop worrying. I think I have some sort of feeling to him as I would my own child, constantly worrying and being concerned with what others see as trivial, especially because my Dad can take care of himself, but ... It's how it is.

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I can not relate to your moms relationship with you, but I am sure other forumers here can. However, even if it helps your stress and makes you feel better, believe that what she says is a compliment. Believe that she is missing you and that she loves you greatly, even though she may not show it at times. Who knows? Maybe that is the truth. But you shouldn't dwell on it over and over again for a long period of time. In many ways, thinking too much on an issue, makes your life revolve around that issue.

My Mom and I have had issues since I was born, I could give you the whole sob-story, but why bother? We just seem to be two completely different people, like night and day; yet, at times, I can feel her effect on me, but it's not necessarily always good. For example, my Mom rarely ever cries at all. She tells me that it's a sign of weakness and no one should ever see you cry. Now, in my heart I know that's not true because sometimes even the strongest of people have to cry, but at the same time, when I feel even a tear coming out, and I'm in public, I'll hide my face and feel ashamed of myself. And it seems like her good qualities always miss me completely. She's very determined and work-oriented, whereas I'm very lazy, I procrastinate, I rarely work for anything that I don't deeply care about, and as such, I fall victim to her criticizing a lot. I know I love her, but on a day-to-day basis, sometimes it's hard to LIKE her, but ... Whoa, this is all about deep seeded emotional scars that I probably shouldn't bring up because I know I can't heal them. Anyway, basically my relationship with my mother is an ongoing struggle, and I'm often conflicted about it, but it's not one of those problems you can just fix and check off the list, I think in a way it'll effect me forever.

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In time, you never know what may happen. However, don't dwell constantly on the bad things, or bad things that may happen in your future. It is not helping your mind, nor your body. However, try to think of good things, or what good could come in your future.


I can say that I try not to dwell on the bad things, but recently (and with some of the events going on here, at INTL) I sort of started crying (as I said) and was forced to deal with all the shit I'd swept to the back of my mind, my form of avading the pain is to ignore it, but it obviously doesn't work. Just putting this to words and acknowledging the problem and getting some validation for it certainly helped, I can say. And when you isolate your problems, at least you know what you're dealing with.


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Anyhow, I don't expect this to affect you much, or at all, Danielle.i'm a serial-killer :) I just hope things turn out for the better.


Of course it affected me! I honestly thank you for taking the time that you did to post, even if it didn't help (which it really did) it's nice to know that someone's out there, concerned about my problems. It's a nice feeling, and I really want to thank you, Sunny. i'm a serial-killer :)
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Reply 23 of 27 (Originally posted on: 12-01-02 06:30:11 PM)
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I dopn't know you well at all but all I have to say is I will listen to you if you wish. I have gone through some of that stuff. The main one was the falling out with my friend. I never did talk to her again and I regret that I would just send a simple e-mail saying that you wish to be friends again. MAke it simple don't make a big deal out of it. That is my advice. granted I am not a extreamly good advice giver I have some momente I hope this is one of them. *hug*
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Reply 24 of 27 (Originally posted on: 12-01-02 06:39:09 PM)
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Wheezy, paging wheezy to Inside Discussions.
There are two kinds of people in this world. People like me and assholes. It's easy to see which kind you are.


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