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Who is in the wrong?
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Bertha 4 votes, 33.333%
Tom 0 votes, 0%
ADAM! 2 votes, 16.667%
Everyone 5 votes, 41.667%
No one 1 vote, 8.333%
Totals: 12 votes, 103.058%
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(Originally posted on: 10-19-04 12:46:36 PM)
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Here is my situation. I will try to explain it neutrally and from an unbiased angle so it might not be at bitchy as it could be, but I am mad and would like to know if I am in the wrong for being mad. For the thread we will call my roomate Bertha, and my male friend Tom.
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Last spring, Bertha and Tom were going out. They convinced me to live with them in a three person apartment style suite. I was very reluctant at first, saying "What if you two break up?", "What if it's really awkward?" and a bunch of other stuff. They both 100% promised me that no matter what, there would be no problems and they would be both fine. At the time, they were both acting like mature rational adults and I figured things would work out. I reluctantly agreed to move into an apartment style suite the upcoming term with the couple.

At the end of that school year, they broke up, but things still seemed fine. I go off to a summer camp for the summer to work and when I came back in August, all hell had broken loose.

They hooked up a few times that summer, as they were living in close proximity. The guy was apparently (according to the girl) very flip floppy with his emotions and stuff. As she puts it "he fucked her around". He sees it as them having hooked up, and at the time him still caring about her.

Towards the end of the summer, the guy decides to avoid conflict, it would be in everyone's best interest to not live with us, and drops out. As much as I agreed that it was a bad idea for the three of us to live together, I would rather have lived with him than her. However, I decided that since she was a better influence in terms of academics (goes to class, doesn't smoke pot before midterms) that living with her would be smarter academically.

Meanwhile, the guy is pretty well my best friend at Acadia. (As Coca Cola doesn't go here anymore.) I really do like this guy, and like most best friends on campus, we spend a lot of time together.

My suite has my N64 and a bunch of other cool stuff. It also has a big living room in which we can hang out and stuff and we would like to do so.

However, the girl is very insistant that this guy is not allowed in our suite, especially not with his new girlfriend, (it is now two months down the road from when she alleges he "fucked her over") even though she was planning on living with him in the first place. She also tries to tell me that a number of my other friends are not allowed coming over to the suite because they make her "uncomfortable".

Basically, I just want to be able to hang out with my friends, and also, the third roomate who took Tom's place is also friends with Tom and all my other friends she hates and feels Bertha is being irrational.

In conclusion, I just want to be able to have friends over without her coming out and flipping out on them and causing tension.

I am curious who is at fault? Is it Tom for fucking her over and expecting to be able to come visit me? Is it Bertha for flipping out every time I bring her ex over (who is my best friend)? Is it me for agreeing to live with her and thus getting what I deserve? (They both were very rational and normal when I agreed to live here.)

Overall, she says she doesnt want to talk or see him ever again, which causes a huge problem as there is pretty well no where else we can hang out.

Solutions? Thoughts? Am I just expecting too much of her and being an insensitive asshole?

Help plz. Also elaborate on if him bringing his girlfriend over is 100% out of the moral question. (His girlfriend is really nice and doesn't PDA in front of Bertha and Bertha just hates her because she's dating her ex.)
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 1 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:00:58 PM)
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They're both acting like humans. What a surprise!

You really shouldn't have agreed to live with a couple, though.
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Reply 2 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:05:24 PM)
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Quoted from Chimp:
They're both acting like humans. What a surprise!

You really shouldn't have agreed to live with a couple, though.


I entirely agree, but point being is that I did and I am in this situation, and thus are trying to find a solution that makes everyone happy.
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 3 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:05:58 PM)
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I'm sure you would want a person with a painful role in your past coming over to where you live all the time. The way I view my room is the place I go to relax and let loose. I can't do that when someone whose very presence makes me cringe, or upset, is over.

Seriously, Nova. What's more important, her getting over this guy, or you playing fucking N64? I'm sure your other friends have places they live, which may not be as spatically convenient, but which will certainly suffice.

Just be compassionate for awhile, in regards to her requests with Tom. As for your other friends, she really oughtn't to have much of a say.
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Reply 4 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:10:50 PM)
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Quote:
I'm sure you would want a person with a painful role in your past coming over to where you live all the time. The way I view my room is the place I go to relax and let loose. I can't do that when someone whose very presence makes me cringe, or upset, is over.


He has avoided her room altogether. I'm referring to the common living room area that is attached to all three of our rooms. (Just for clarification, but I think you got that anyway.)

Quote:
Seriously, Nova. What's more important, her getting over this guy, or you playing fucking N64? I'm sure your other friends have places they live, which may not be as spatically convenient, but which will certainly suffice.

How long should I be expected to bend over backwards and not have any of my friends over? It's been 2 months. If it was a week after, yeah, I'd be a bit more understanding. They have small shitty rooms in shitty residences that we can't really fit in.

Quote:
Just be compassionate for awhile, in regards to her requests with Tom. As for your other friends, she really oughtn't to have much of a say.

How long is awhile? 2 months is awhile. What about at 7 months?
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Reply 5 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:15:06 PM)
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Im also going with the whole you brought this on yourself guilt trip. I mean seriously, even rational couples break up. What were you thinking? So at the very core of this melodrama, it is you who is responsible for your current situation. Anyway now that your in it there is no good solution. She shouldnt have to deal with her ex boyfriend in her house, but it's your house too so you should be able to bring whoever you want and play N64 till it's out of style. Move out, or dont bring Tom over because you know it will upset her but bring all your other friends over because you'r not her bitch.
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
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Reply 6 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:17:35 PM)
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Quoted from Shady Milkman:
Im also going to with the whole you brought this on yourself story. I mean seriously, even rational couples break up. So at the very core of this melodrama, it is you who is responsible for this current situation. Anyway now that your in it there is no good solution. She shouldnt have to deal with her ex boyfriend in her house, but it's your house too so you should be able to bring whoever you want and play N64 till it's out of style. Move out, or dont bring Tom over because you know it will upset her but bring all your other friends over because you'r not her bitch.


Moving out is next to impossible at this university.

Bertha and I still get along and like each other on every other issue.

I appreciate the responses so far, and keep them coming even if they are "You are wrong" Nova. Sometimes you need a room full of impartial people to help a situation LOL IM SUCH A FAG!!

And i'm not being an ass on the situation. The situation is fairly new and I'm somewhat using this as a method of figuring out how I should react. It's not like i've said "FUCK OFF IM DOING IT ANYWAY".

Does it make any difference that the third roomate who lives with me and Bertha also is friends with these people and is really irritated at not being able to hang out with his friends in his house? (He hadn't agreed to live here, he was placed here randomly and it is his first year at this university, but made friends quickly with my friends as he is a nice, and awesome guy.)
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 7 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:20:08 PM)
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Quote:
Move out, or dont bring Tom over because you know it will upset her but bring all your other friends over because you'r not her bitch.

Exactly.

Quote:
He has avoided her room altogether. I'm referring to the common living room area that is attached to all three of our rooms. (Just for clarification, but I think you got that anyway.)

He's still there. She's isolated to her room when he's over. She can't come out and eat, or lounge in the living room. Even without seeing him, she can still hear his voice, and be given other cues for painful memories.

Quote:
Does it make any difference that the third roomate who lives with me and Bertha also is friends with these people and is really irritated at not being able to hang out with his friends in his house? (He hadn't agreed to live here, he was placed here randomly and it is his first year at this university, but made friends quickly with my friends as he is a nice, and awesome guy.)

He's a first year; he shouldn't be living in a nice place like that.
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Reply 8 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:23:08 PM)
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The thing is, she's not really attached to Tom anymore. She has no feelings for him and they've both moved on to new people. It's more out of spite for how he treated her in the summer. As for the other friends, it also causes a problem as my circle of friends is all pretty well intertwined. (In other words, if I am hanging out with my other friends, Tom is usually there.)

Quote:
He's still there. She's isolated to her room when he's over. She can't come out and eat, or lounge in the living room. Even without seeing him, she can still hear his voice, and be given other cues for painful memories.

She stays in her room most of the time anyway. She eats in her room, or at the Dining Hall, and she rarely lounges in the lounge. The walls are thick enough she wouldn't hear his voice.

Quote:
He's a first year; he shouldn't be living in a nice place like that.

First year at this university, he did a year in British Columbia first.
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 9 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 01:34:21 PM)
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Quoted from Nova:
The thing is, she's not really attached to Tom anymore. She has no feelings for him and they've both moved on to new people. It's more out of spite for how he treated her in the summer. As for the other friends, it also causes a problem as my circle of friends is all pretty well intertwined. (In other words, if I am hanging out with my other friends, Tom is usually there.)

That doesn't mean he upsets her any less. Do all of your other friends live in shitty rooms? Suites are pretty common here, and at other schools I've visited. There's bound to be someplace else you can go.

Quote:
Quote:
He's still there. She's isolated to her room when he's over. She can't come out and eat, or lounge in the living room. Even without seeing him, she can still hear his voice, and be given other cues for painful memories.

She stays in her room most of the time anyway. She eats in her room, or at the Dining Hall, and she rarely lounges in the lounge. The walls are thick enough she wouldn't hear his voice.

It would still increase her chances of running into someone she wished were dead. That makes my day, when I see people I hate.

Quote:
Quote:
He's a first year; he shouldn't be living in a nice place like that.

First year at this university, he did a year in British Columbia first.

Ahahaha, stupid transfer students. (MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS)
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Reply 10 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 02:40:44 PM)
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This is always a sticky situation.

I would say that no one is at fault. It does sound as though (I may be reading too much into this) there might be an interest in either you or one of your friends and she is undecided or possibly guilty about wanting to admit it.

EDIT: Nevermind that's just dumb. Forget I said it.
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Reply 11 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 02:46:15 PM)
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Take your GBA out for a walk ?

Why not buy the girl a one day pass to a spa and have your friends over then when shes gone ? Its a win-win situation.
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Reply 12 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 03:09:44 PM)
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Voted Bertha is in the wrong because she's a crazy fucking stupid bitch who needs to have everything her way all the goddamn time.

When you agree to live in a suite with 2 other people you have to be able to compromise, you can't have everything your fucking way, if so why didn't she get a fucking single room.

God she's annoying.


EDIT: But I fucking TOLD you agreeing to live with them was a bad fucking idea. EVERYONE told you that.
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Reply 13 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:07:46 PM)
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In response to Vervet, suites are pretty uncommon. Id say 2% of students live in one.
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 14 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:11:41 PM)
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I'd say 26% of black people in America prefer animal crackers to saltines but I still wouldn't know what the fuck I was talking about.

I can't say much about your predicament besides...jesus christ you're a tool.
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Reply 15 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:30:59 PM)
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Quoted from Smokey:
I'd say 26% of black people in America prefer animal crackers to saltines but I still wouldn't know what the fuck I was talking about.

I can't say much about your predicament besides...jesus christ you're a tool.


Excellent post, thanks for the excellent advice i'm a serial-killer :)
This isn't RS.
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Reply 16 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:34:55 PM)
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And that wasn't RS post, you fucking tool.

PS: BB = FLAME

Maybe you wind up in situations like this because the only people you seem to genuinely get along with in your real life are fucking sophomoric retards.
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Reply 17 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:50:58 PM)
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Quoted from Smokey:
And that wasn't RS post, you fucking tool.

PS: BB = FLAME

Maybe you wind up in situations like this because the only people you seem to genuinely get along with in your real life are fucking sophomoric retards.


That would be funny if it were at all somewhat true. As much as I am a disliked retard online a lot of the time, I have a surprisingly large amount of actual friends in "real life".
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Reply 18 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:53:34 PM)
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Where in my post did I say "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS"? Granted all I have to go on is the shit you post but sophomoric defines very accurately every single friend you've ever posted about in these stupid threads.
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Reply 19 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:55:26 PM)
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Quoted from Smokey:
Where in my post did I say "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS"? Granted all I have to go on is the shit you post but sophomoric defines very accurately every single friend you've ever posted about in these stupid threads.


I often times resort to the internet for advice on random issues, yes. I find it helps make me see when I am being stupid (Such as possibly this example) so that I can not act irrational in real life.

If you do feel my friends appear "sophomoric", that's fine, and your opinion. However, you are basing this on like 3 of the people I actually am friends with, which is a somewhat small reflection and I don't bother posting about the mature rational ones that I get along with LOL IM SUCH A FAG!!
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Reply 20 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 04:59:55 PM)
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You've posted about well over 10 people you know outside of the internet that we've never met in the year and half or so that I've been here. Not only that, and I'm sure you'll have a great reason, but you are a terrible friend from what's been read here. Sorry to bust up your internet therapy but stop making these threads please. You like me right Nova? Don't you? You need to stop so I don't have an aneurysm ok?

Also I don't trust your definition of mature and rational.
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Reply 21 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 05:03:14 PM)
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Quoted from Smokey:
You've posted about well over 10 people you know outside of the internet that we've never met in the year and half or so that I've been here. Sorry to bust up your internet therapy but stop making these threads please. You like me right Nova? Don't you? You need to stop so I don't have an aneurysm ok?

Also I don't trust your definition of mature and rational.


Point 1 - I've posted about 10 or so dilemmas, yes, but often times they have occured with repeated people. I'd know better than you which people Tom and Bertha represent. LOL IM SUCH A FAG!!

Point 2 - If you don't like threads by me that ask for advice, you can generally tell from the title or the forum what they will be. If it's in Geek's corner titled "WarCraft II" you can assume it's not going to be an advice thread. If it's in BB and obviously bitching about something, you can feel free to ignore it. As much as I haven't posted many of these "OMG ADVICE" threads in the recent past, I will try to keep them minimal if it does bother you and other people.

Point 3 - Yeah, I'd say I like you. No major problems or complaints.
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 22 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 05:07:31 PM)
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I'm going to shorten this because I have to go to school and guide you along appropriately here. Since I know I could say anything and you'd respond defensively until you passed out from exhaustion I'm going to prompt you to end this now.

I'm leaving, and when I come back, if your response to this post isn't "Smokey, you're right as always and I'm gay for you, please don't die!" I'm going to hit you, like a ton of bricks, where it hurts you the most...

YOUR KARMA!
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Reply 23 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 05:08:52 PM)
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Quoted from Smokey:
I'm going to shorten this because I have to go to school and guide you along appropriately here. Since I know I could say anything and you'd respond defensively until you passed out from exhaustion I'm going to prompt you to end this now.

I'm leaving, and when I come back, if your response to this post isn't "Smokey, you're right as always and I'm gay for you, please don't die!" I'm going to hit you, like a ton of bricks, where it hurts you the most...

YOUR KARMA!


Smokey, you're right as always and I'm gay for you, please don't die!"
"You know what I would do in that situation? Fuck my sister." - Coca Cola
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Reply 24 of 40 (Originally posted on: 10-19-04 05:15:29 PM)
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Let's all take a moment and reflect on the things Nova will do to avoid one negative karma point, shall we?
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