C
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Level 90 Ginger
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Posts: 6647 (0.967)
Reg. Date: Jun 2002
Location: Missouri
Gender: Male |
(Originally posted on: 09-16-04 02:35:41 PM)
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I would request that you refrain from smoking while walking around campus. I have no problem with you smoking the designated "smoking areas" outside of every dormitory, however I feel that it is unfair, at best, for you to share your poisoned, polluted, and stinky air with me. I know you're just being generous, but I'd appreciate it if you would keep all the carcinogens to yourself, effective immediately.
There's nothing I dislike more than walking across campus, paying no real attention to anyone, and getting a billowing cloud of your recycled "air" (which at this point really ceases to be air) rolls into my face. Not only does this air smell like a New Jersey Denny's, but it gives me a coughing fit, likely due to the toxins you exhale so nonchalantly. In fact, the next time one of you does this, I am going to rip your cigarette out of your hand and put it out on your retina.
Most of you seem to have this misguided notion that smoking, especially around campus, makes you appear cool and social. I understand that smoking can result in meeting pretty girls, but you must realize that more likely than not that pretty girl will be a gaunt cancerous skeleton in 50 years, which while matching your grotesque mouth tumor really isn't that attractive. Not to mention the process she's going to go through to even get to that stage. It's very likely she'll spend entirely too much time in a tanning bed also, resulting in her once overlotioned skin to turn to leather. Her teeth will turn yellow and when she kisses you you will taste death. Becaus death is there. You might not notice it because you too are quickly approaching death by inhaling that garbage, but it's there. Actually, that seems like a fitting punishment for putting me in harm's way everytime you light and up and carelessly blow a puff of fluffy grey into the air.
Perhaps you just need that smoke to help you relax as you walk to your next "oh, so stressful" class, Remedial Math. I however, find nothing relaxing about trying to dodge smokers on a busy sidewalk. You might not be that happy about it, but your opinion stopped mattering after the you took that last puff of your fag and blew the smoke in my face.
I have no idea what you think makes smoking a good idea, maybe it's the giant spectre of death constantly looming over you, taunnting you with the possibility of 15 different kinds of cancer, or maybe it's just that it was the only way you could fit in back home. Not so in a university environment, my remedial friend! We have dozens of fraternities you can join who will accept you solely on the basis of your clothing and how little you can comprehend! What a joy it must be to know that now you can quit smoking and still be accepted, even still hooking up with pretty women who have other destructive habits. Yes, you'll be consuming massive amounts of alcohol, but done correctly (in a frat house), I believe it's personally acceptable. This isn't because I condone drinking or think it to be less of a vice than smoking, because quite frankly, I don't care. No no, this is because when you're drinking you're only messing up your liver, not mine as well.
"But, I can't quit!" might be your battlecry at this point. I advise differently. I can point you in the direction of many nicotine substitutes, if you really have no willpower. Get over it. You picked up a vice that's killing you, and me along with it, and it's time to stop. If you don't have the willpower to quit on your own, even using nicotine substitutes, there is only one other option. I will follow you around campus and punch you in the face everytime you attempt to pull a cigarette from your pack. Eventually, you'll be trained enough to harm yourself when you reach for your cigarette, that I won't be needed. I realize that you might underestimate your highly toned muscles (from years of high school football) and cause a great deal of harm to yourself. This is fine. I don't expect you all to survive this cleansing, but after what you've put me through, do you really think you all deserve to? Of course not.
All of this "Smoker's Rights" nonsense you're spouting at this point, is bologna (that's pronounced baloney, for those of you with an 8th grade reading level). When you smoke you are harming my body. This is assault. Even the nicest judge would put you away as a felony for 10 cases of assault. As I see it, you're a walking convict. If you are a smoker who only smokes by him or herself or only with other smokers, then consider yourself off the hook. The rest of you, however, are not so lucky. Not only am I tired of you blowing smoke in my face on campus, but I'm also tired of sitting down in any restaurant in this town and having some half retarded ape in the smoking section do his best to blow smoke into the "clean" air in the non-smoking section.
In closing, I know most of you do not like being told what I have told you. To you I must say "too bad." Far too long have you poisoned my otherwise healthy lungs with your secondhand smoke. You are a thorn in humanity's side, causing only irritation and promoting no general good. I'll leave you with an analogy: Smoking is the byproduct of your vice. My vice happens to pee the consumption of too much soda. This hurts no one but myself. However, your smoke pollutes my air without my permission (Don't bother asking, you won't get it). How would you like it if I stood on a table in the dining hall whenever I had to pee and sprinkled down showers of urine all over your food and clothing without your permission? It's a very distinct possibility if you don't cease and desist immediately. Thank you.
-Matt
Governor Pataki on Kerry-
"This is a candidate who has to Google his own name to see where he stands."
This reply was last edited on 09-16-04 03:27:31 PM by C.
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