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Air Bud
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(Originally posted on: 07-20-04 07:35:23 AM)
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Chapter One: Introduction and Initial Impressions

"I'm not sure we should board this plane," Josh said as we got off the bus at O'Hare, "This just seems like it's a bad idea."

"Well, we're too far to turn back now," I replied, hesitantly. I honestly agreed with him though. I was succumbed by absolute fear and loathing as we ventured our way to Las Vegas. Would this be the last time I would ever see home? How much money would I spend gambling? Will I ever be able to tell anyone how I spent my weekend in Vegas? These were all questions that I pondered on the hour wait at the airport and the four-hour plane ride to the Las Vegas airport.

As the plane touched down, I suddenly felt a warmth flush over me as if I had come to a place of great reputation and esteem. However, as I made my way to the baggage claim, I was astonished at the tackiness of the whole experience. Was I really witnessing this or was I simply hallucinating? Slot machines in an airport baggage claim area? This simply cannot be. However, I was mistaken. Sadly mistaken. I bare witness to the most pathetic scourge on the planet as I stood there waiting at the carousel for my baggage as I watched 40-somethings, 50-somethings, 60-somethings, even 70-somethings with the assistance of their motored wheelchairs pump quarter after quarter into the slot machines nearby.

Throughout my life, I had never really been exposed to people who had gambling problems. I simply didn't know that so many people had such itchy wallets and pockets that they felt the desire to pump quarters and nickels and pennies, and even fifty dollar bills into slot machines; however, growing up in Indiana, you don't see much of that, aside from the Friday night Poker that my brother occasional has with his friends or the Bunko my mother participates in monthly to win prizes for a $20 fee. However, now people of all ages were surrounding me, all with the same goal in mind: they wanted to make it rich.

Josh and I waited around the airport for his cousin to show up; however, being impatient, coupled with the intense desire to get the hell out of there, we decided to hop a shuttle to the hotel, The Imperial Palace, where we would stay for the next four nights, Thursday through Sunday nights. It was what we expected, a casino lobby, filled to the brim with people yanking monotonously at the arm of a slot machine. The atmosphere sounded as if a thousand stereos were softly playing a thousand songs by a thousand artists similar to that of Squarepusher and Aphex Twin on repeat, ad nauseum. It was simply breathtaking. At this point, we were simply eager to drop off our bags and get to the room.

After dropping off our bags, Josh's cousin, Chris, calls and after wandering around the hotel's labyrinth-like layout, which was no doubtedly designed by a seven-year old child, we meet up with him. We take him up to the room, then head out wander the town and get familiar with the layout and structure, which consisted of a seemingly infinite string of flashing lights, casinos, and Mexicans handing out little cards with strippers on them, sensibly censored with tiny pinholes and asterisks over their nipples and vaginas. After running into a few people from the Something Awful boards, who identified themselves by pathetically saying, "Internet!" as we walked by them, we found that there were two events going on Thursday night: the buffet at the Bellagio's or sushi at some random place that I can't remember the name of. We decided to head to the Bellagio hotel.

After walking around for what seemed like an eternity, we finally made it to the Bellagio, at which point we discovered an insanely long line, which we weren't quite up to waiting in. After all, the buffet at the Bellagio is $30. Not cheap at all. We turned back and headed back to the Imperial Palace; all three of us were both hungry and tired, so we decided to head back. Josh, having tried to contact Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka for the last two hours, finally gets in contact with him and we head off to the Aladdin to meet up with him. Half an hour later, we finally intersect with him.

Not two minutes into the conversation, Rich turns to Josh and says with blunt honesty, "you're lousy in real life."

"Thanks, Rich!" Josh responds.

I stand there silently.

We all then head back to the Imperial Palace for some Subway. We finally arrive and get in line to order food, when Rich comes up to us and decides to head back to the hotel to get some sleep. We all trade pleasantries, then get our subs, eat our subs, then head back to the hotel, and go to sleep.

We weren't quite sure what was to come the following day, but we were certain that it would be something that we would never forget, regardless of whether or not we wanted to or not.

To be continued...
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corkster
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Reply 1 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 08:12:14 AM)
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When you say Josh, you aren't referring to Josh "Livestock" Boruff are you? Who is this mysterious Josh character? He shall consume my thoughts, nay, my dreams, for the rest of my life.
Air Bud
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Some plants even masturbate into their own vaginas in order to reproduce.

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Reply 2 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 08:18:22 AM)
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Quoted from corkster:
When you say Josh, you aren't referring to Josh "Livestock" Boruff are you? Who is this mysterious Josh character? He shall consume my thoughts, nay, my dreams, for the rest of my life.
Yes, him. I should've specified. Now you know.
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antpocas
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Reply 3 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 08:42:26 AM)
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Dude I think you posted in the wrong forum.

I'm looking around in the GoonCon forum and this is the best story I've seen yet. Follow-up plz.
Tazzo
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Reply 4 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 11:00:49 AM)
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Did you meet Friggybum lol
flaming arrow
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Reply 5 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 01:11:30 PM)
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Did you get really drunk and wake up somewhere out of the ordinary?
Zippo279: I told IF0 that I had a sex dream about him, but that was a lie.
Zippo279: Because he was in one of those "I'm feeling sorry for myself" moods and I wanted to shut him up.
Fisher
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Reply 6 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 01:51:13 PM)
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Story would be better if it were acted out by muppets.
This reply was last edited on 07-20-04 03:48:04 PM by Fisher.
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Reply 7 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 03:43:37 PM)
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HEIN!!!ous
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Reply 8 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 04:32:28 PM)
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Did you get married?
All the white horses are still in bed.
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Reply 9 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 04:36:30 PM)
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Oh, suspense.
Smokey
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Reply 10 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 04:49:01 PM)
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I don't understand what this is.
Air Bud
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Some plants even masturbate into their own vaginas in order to reproduce.

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Reply 11 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 05:03:26 PM)
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Quoted from Smokey:
I don't understand what this is.
It's erotic fan fiction. omg yah rite fag lol
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Reply 12 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 05:40:28 PM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:
Quoted from Smokey:
I don't understand what this is.
It's erotic fan fiction. omg yah rite fag lol


i came.
I hate yankees and this is one reason why. Just because you can't pay for 3 hot dogs doesn't mean that the economy is bad and ya'll think that bush is an idiot because he's from Texas. Well f you because he saved your ass from people like Sadam Houssein and don't go thinking i'm just a minupulated trailor trash illiterate for taking up for him because I'm smarter than 90% of the world.

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Reply 13 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 05:52:31 PM)
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So...in a nutshell you met people from the internet and it was lame? That sucks. But I guess I wouldn't really be surprised.
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Reply 14 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 06:30:45 PM)
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i overheard some nerds in a comic shop talking about how they wanted to go to gooncon to play some dice game or something, and was kinda glad i was missing out. still, i've never been to vegas, i think it'd be a pretty cool experience. seems i remember somewhere they were saying that the national organization for women is meeting in vegas that weekend too. did you hit on any feminists? or sa chicks even? did you hook up with a cocktail waitress or a woman dressed as dorothy? had you met lowtax before? i hope it wasn't all lame.
Air Bud
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Reply 15 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 06:58:42 PM)
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I was going to make this episodic, but it's really not all that entertaining of a story, so I'm just going to end it with the first chapter.

Vegas sucked. Bad. The heat. The Mexicans handing out stripper cards. The casinos. The people. The overpriced food. The noise. The sheer amount of pathetic souls cranking their lives away at slot machines.

Las Vegas should simply not exist. I'm no religious zealot who feels as though Vegas is evil. I know Vegas is evil. It's the hub of all that is wrong and perverted about our society, yet people still bring their children out there, dragging them along from casino to casino at 3am.

Meeting people wasn't bad at all. The convention was fairly disorganized, but in the end, I think everyone got what they wanted out of it.

As for me, I knew from the start that I was going to hate it, but I merely wanted to go, because being stuck in Indiana isn't much better. I got to meet a lot of really cool people, but toward the end of the trip, I really wanted to come back home and just get away from all the glitz and glamour of Vegas.

I can't really say I ever want to go back there. The best way I can put it is that Las Vegas is a giant infinitely spawning popup ad that won't go away, no matter how hard you try. I'm glad I went though. I think it was necessary to form a base of reference for future endeavors to Vegas; at least now I know what it's like, so I won't be surprised if I ever go back.

To answer some of your questions.

Tazzo: Yes, I did meet Friggybum. Aside from just simply meeting him on Friday and cracking a joke at his hoarse voice on Saturday, I can't say I spent much more time with him than that.

FA: No. However, I did end up getting really drunk with Josh's cousin, then sitting around yapping about random shit with Fragmaster.

kayte: It wasn't really lame. It had it's moments. I really wasn't expecting much out of it from the get-go, so I can't say I was disappointed.

PopRocks: Didn't see any of the NOW people in Vegas at all.
There was probably a 15:1 male-to-female ratio, so females were few and far between. As expected, there were plenty of attention whoring females there, as well as attention whoring males, but the females just stuck out more. It was entertaining to watch a female walk around from crowd to crowd with an entourage of silent lurkers following closely by.

There were no hook-ups as far as I'm concerned though. Gladly, actually.

I hadn't met Lowtax before, but he was a surprisingly nice guy to be around. I actually felt sorry for him at times when people would come up to him and confess their love and beg for a photo op. It just all seemed very pathetic in a sense.

All in all, I spent most of my time in Vegas with the SA staff, which was probably the best crowd to be around, since they were all fairly modest and weren't trying to impress people by being loud and obnoxious. It was really easy to just sit back, have a few drinks with them, and talk like normal human beings, rather than marauding around, yelling catchphrases and making an ass of yourself, like some of the people in attendance. In effect, I have been inadvertently labeled of being an "elitist". Oh well.
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Tazzo
teh TEH evar EVAR funnay FUNNAY :rolleyes:

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Reply 16 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 07:20:34 PM)
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You'd never catch me going to a goon meet. I'm sick of e-catchphrases being slung all over the place on the internet, hearing some random fat greasy nerd faggots yell them in real life would make me want to crack skulls.

Was there any secret drama that we at INTL should know about?


edit:
Quoted from Sandamnit:

There were no hook-ups as far as I'm concerned though. Gladly, actually.


Peccavi and Elf Pr0n lol
Skizzles
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Reply 17 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 07:27:42 PM)
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Can you clarify somethings for me...

When people at these forum meets talk to eachother, do they refer to eachother by their online handles or by their actual name? It'd be so awkward for someone to come up to me and say "haysup Skizzles coal" in a real life situation, but I somehow get the feeling that's exactly how it is at these things. Also, what did everyone talk about? What is there to talk about? I'd imagine after hours reminiscing over forum dramas, everyone would realize how sad (most) of their lives are and the conversation would go six feet under. I am speaking about the main populous of SA, not really the admins like Lowtax since they're used to these experiences. And if I recall, wasn't there some bad blood between INTL and SA a while back? Did that affect anything that happened there? Did Lowtax know who you were, as the admin of INTL?
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PR
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Reply 18 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 07:55:50 PM)
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I've met a lot of people off other message boards, and I make it a habit to yell peoples usernames at them if I don't know them. Not that I take the internet seriously, but other people get really embarassed and it's fun.
Champagne for my real friends; real pain for my sham friends.
Air Bud
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Reply 19 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 08:07:05 PM)
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For the most part, when I introduced myself to someone I didn't know or recognize, I would say, "hey, I'm Jeff. My username is Sandamnit. Call me Jeff, please." That's how a lot of people were. A lot of people didn't feel comfortable being called by their username, which I completely agreed with.

Tazzo: I meant hook-ups for me. I don't really care if Peccavi and fatty hooked up.
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Pascal
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Reply 20 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 08:40:47 PM)
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Nothing wrong with elitism. I only dislike it when I'm not a part of it. Good to hear you got something out of it.
flaming arrow
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Reply 21 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 08:53:57 PM)
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Quoted from PsychoRabbit:
I've met a lot of people off other message boards, and I make it a habit to yell peoples usernames at them if I don't know them. Not that I take the internet seriously, but other people get really embarassed and it's fun.


We have to meet.

"HEY PSYCHORABBIT"
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Quote:
Peccavi and Elf Pr0n lol


lol
Zippo279: I told IF0 that I had a sex dream about him, but that was a lie.
Zippo279: Because he was in one of those "I'm feeling sorry for myself" moods and I wanted to shut him up.
This reply was last edited on 07-21-04 12:25:03 PM by flaming arrow.
Fisher
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Reply 22 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 09:34:37 PM)
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I've never met anyone I met on a message board MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
emtilt

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Reply 23 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-20-04 09:51:09 PM)
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Quoted from Fisher:
I've never met anyone I met on a message board MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS

Me neither. I think it'd be kinda weird.
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Reply 24 of 40 (Originally posted on: 07-21-04 01:43:53 AM)
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Quoted from Tazzo:
edit:
Quoted from Sandamnit:

There were no hook-ups as far as I'm concerned though. Gladly, actually.


Peccavi and Elf Pr0n lol

Quote:
[11:48:22 PM] dani: so did you dick elfpron?
[11:49:08 PM] peccavi: no did you
[11:50:04 PM] dani: no I don't have a dick
[11:50:09 PM] peccavi: oh ok
[11:50:10 PM] dani: I hear she likes anal though
[11:50:16 PM] peccavi: i hear she doesnt
[11:50:22 PM] dani: did she tell you that
[11:50:25 PM] dani: when you put it in her ass
[11:51:36 PM] peccavi: sigh
[11:51:48 PM] peccavi: why do i bother talking to you danielle?
[11:52:17 PM] dani: I don't know, you're obviously cooler than
everyone on the internet
[11:53:19 PM] peccavi: when we talk you make fun of him in your
cool little sarcastic way or make up assumptions about
me and it's really fucking played out

peccavi is kind of a pussy.


edit: oh and I don't think Josh is "lousy" in real life MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
This reply was last edited on 07-21-04 01:51:11 AM by peach.
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