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EscalatorToHell

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(Originally posted on: 04-06-04 08:27:52 PM)
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I should preface this bitching with my relationship background. I break up with guys before becoming close to them, because commitment and trusting someone whole-heartedly scares the shit out of me.


Okay. I have this really, really good friend. He and I have known each other for about 2 years, but in the past year or so, we've gotten pretty close. He knows all of my dirty secrets, and I know all of his. We've shared many memorable days/events/moments together. Basically, he's who keeps me sane in Ohio. He's intelligent, he's brilliant musically, and he's got a sense of humor.

Anyway, he turned 18 last month. For his birthday, he wanted a mix CD of what reminded me of our "relationship." So, I went through all of my CDs and picked out the songs that reminded me of nights we roamed around rural ohio, or watched movies, etc. Upon compiling this CD, I got pretty upset. After all, he's 18, so he'll be gone next year. At college. I cried a lot (omg emo) just thinking about that.

The whole birthday present thing started this snowball effect of emotions. I came to the indefinite realization that I was either in love with him, or crazy. I leaned toward the latter, since I'm not sure that I wholly believe in the concept of "love" as a 16 year old. Anyway, every day that passed I grew more and more aware of how much I cared for him. It got to the point where I was unable to think of him leaving me (because of college or something else) without breaking down.

In the past two weeks, every thing has reminded me of him. Songs. Movies. Et cetera. I finally decided, last night, to confess everything to him.

Beforehand, though, I talked to a good friend of mine about it. She told me how she felt the same exact way for about 4 months, that he told her everything he told me. About caring, best friends, "saving" him from insanity, being his inspiration, et cetera. I mean, she copy/pasted conversations she had with him where he said EVERYTHING he's said to me in them.

By that time of the night, I'm feeling betrayed and ignorant. I don't ever get caught up in guys. Now I'm caught up in one who has been lying to me from day one.

So I confronted him via AIM, since I'm a coward and would end up bawling over the phone.

Here are a few of the excerpts that accentuate the hopelessness of the situation, and how fucking dodgy he is. I've replaced his SN with BASTARD to protect his identity:

avoid the angel: The point is that everything I've felt about you, and everything you've said to me, has been experienced before
avoid the angel: Every girl you've known
avoid the angel: Every one you've been close to.
avoid the angel: Don't try to be completely innnocent
BASTARD: yes I write all of it down and repeat it
avoid the angel: Jake you can't be completley blind to what people are feeling for you, whether or not you're a manipulative bastard or not
avoid the angel: It's blatantly obvious
BASTARD: No brittany I'm not blind to anything
avoid the angel: Then what the fuck, Jake
BASTARD: thats one of the causes of so much damn pain in my life
BASTARD: don't you get it

No I don't, because you're obviously a sadistic cuntface who takes pleasure in making girls fall in love with him.

BASTARD: I don't think your emotions are stupid brittany
BASTARD: I think the fact that I feel all this shit is stupid
avoid the angel: What shit, Jake.
BASTARD: EVERYTHING
BASTARD: I want it gone brittany

This is where he threatens suicide in an effort to get me off his back. Classy.

BASTARD: Nothing would make me feel better right now than to find a way to rid me from your mind

Paraphrased: I'd appreciate it if you weren't obsessively in love with me.

BASTARD: I don't know why you do this. If its to make me feel like shit...or if its because you don't want to see me the way I am...but I guess there's nothing you want to do
BASTARD: I'm going home
BASTARD: goodbye
avoid the angel: gODDAMNIT
BASTARD: What
avoid the angel: What the hell are you even talking about
BASTARD: I don't know anymore
avoid the angel: Yes you do
avoid the angel: Don't tell me I make you feel like shit
BASTARD: you wish you didn't know me...I wish I didn't know myself...its all the same
avoid the angel: I'm being as honest as ever and you're being dodgy
BASTARD: I have to get home
BASTARD: Goodbye

He may seem like a complete ass, so I can't really make it evident why I was so wrapped up in him. He really is an amazing guy, if you don't figure out his lies.

The moral of the story-
Don't ever, ever fall in love and let yourself be vulnerable, because chances are the object of your affection has been lying to you and doesn't give a rats ass about your wellbeing. It's happened to me, and it's not a good feeling knowing that you've been ignorant enough to led your guard down.
The tulips turn to me, and the window behind me
Where once a day the light slowly widens and slowly thins,
And I see myself, flat, ridiculous, a cut-paper shadow
Between the eye of the sun and the eyes of the tulips
Erags

Comment allez-vous ce soir? Je suis comme ci comme ça

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Reply 1 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-06-04 08:44:04 PM)
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Well, that's certainly unfortunate. That guy sort of strange. Unless he was just doing that to amuse himself, in which case he's cruel but funny.

Quote:
The moral of the story-
Don't ever, ever fall in love and let yourself be vulnerable, because chances are the object of your affection has been lying to you and doesn't give a rats ass about your wellbeing. It's happened to me, and it's not a good feeling knowing that you've been ignorant enough to led your guard down.
Quite the moral you got there. When you say something like that, though, you really come across as somebody who's JUST finished having a bad experience, not like someone who's thorougly thought about love. Which might be kind of true in this case.

Either way, I guess this leaves you open for Emp to make his move.
EscalatorToHell

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Reply 2 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-06-04 08:48:17 PM)
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Quoted from Erags:
Quite the moral you got there. When you say something like that, though, you really come across as somebody who's JUST finished having a bad experience, not like someone who's thorougly thought about love. Which might be kind of true in this case.


I guess I should've elaborated on our situation a bit more. The entire past couple months have been a bad experience. He's dramatic and never straight forward. I've been in between love and hate for the longest time, and I'm just so sick of being in limbo. Also, I mean, he does the same thing to all these other girls.

I'm just one of his fucking game pieces and I'm sick of it. I'm in love with him, yes, but I feel so FUCKING stupid for feeling this way about someone who doesn't give a damn about me.

So I have JUST finished having the bad experience, but I've been in it long enough to think everything out.
The tulips turn to me, and the window behind me
Where once a day the light slowly widens and slowly thins,
And I see myself, flat, ridiculous, a cut-paper shadow
Between the eye of the sun and the eyes of the tulips
Stormraider
User is currently banned until further notice.

im gay

Reply 3 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-06-04 10:26:28 PM)
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Quote:
Don't ever, ever fall in love and let yourself be vulnerable, because chances are the object of your affection has been lying to you and doesn't give a rats ass about your wellbeing.


Welcome to the club, young lady, we meet Tuesday, wherein we drink a lot, complain even more, and develop thousands of plans for vengeance or closure we'll never put into action.



Might I point out that I really, really LOATHE what I call the "Deep Poser", which is what your 'friend' appears to be. Everything you say becomes about him, and how HE'S the one hurting, how bad HE feels, how HE would like nothing more than you to feel better, etc, etc.

It's not a characteristic limited to one sex, either.
Stormraider- 73.275% of your daily dose of Cynical Jackass!!
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nimo

lvl 16 wizard, yo

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Reply 4 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 12:28:36 AM)
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I'd feel bad for you if you weren't a completely self-centered, faux-angsty bitch.

[this is emp talking]
peach
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Reply 5 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 04:44:03 AM)
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Quoted from Stormraider:
Welcome to the club, young lady, we meet Tuesday, wherein we drink a lot, complain even more, and develop thousands of plans for vengeance or closure we'll never put into action.


Your club consists of this whole forum where everyone talks through a filter of bitterness and anger. Yeah or life. Welcome to life.

edit: Emp has a unique way of getting to a gals heart.
Baggy_Brad
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Reply 6 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 05:30:54 AM)
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Quote:
he's who keeps me sane in Ohio


So, are you insane now?
That was the hospital lab with the report from the blood test that they did on Whitney last night. There wasn’t any alcohol in Whitney's system last night. It was drugs. You were high on drugs last night. I knew it was drugs. I knew it.
Brad's Autumnish Journal
Sixten Sparre
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Reply 7 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 05:31:26 AM)
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Don't hate the player, hate the game
PopRocks

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Reply 8 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 05:48:15 AM)
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before my current relationship, i never let myself get close enough to anybody to become vulnerable. i can't stand the fact that people i care about were fucked over by manipulative bastards like these. it frustrates me because they do develope a don't trust or love anybody philosophy towards life and relationships, and so anybody who tries to gain that trust later on is screwed.
Samson

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Reply 9 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 11:33:19 AM)
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Ooooh, that Jake. He's so dreamy.
That post really was emo. Females are so emotional. In 2 years time you'll probably find another Jake and have told someone else all your deep dark secrets, and then they'll find out about Jake. And then they will be pissed at you because you've done it all before...wait, they won't be female, so they won't be pissed.
...
nimo

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Reply 10 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 12:50:51 PM)
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Quote:
That post really was emo. Females are so emotional. In 2 years time you'll probably find another Jake and have told someone else all your deep dark secrets, and then they'll find out about Jake. And then they will be pissed at you because you've done it all before...wait, they won't be female, so they won't be pissed.


Also: livejournal technology will have vastly improved in two years' time. She will most likely be able to bitch at ten times the speed.

[emp]
Erags

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Reply 11 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 05:59:03 PM)
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Quoted from peach:
edit: Emp has a unique way of getting to a gals heart.
He's bitter because he can't come meet her. UR THE GHEYEST PERSNO EVAR SNDAMIT!!1

PS. karma's a bitch, isn't it escalator?

Quote:
For about a year, I was aware that this certain guy had a crush on me. He wasn't really my type at all, but he was tolerable. I ended up, subconsciously for a while, using him and being a "heartless coquette." You know- flirting, being mad, flirting more, yelling at him, flirting, kissing his best friend, etc. After about 6 months of doing it, I realized how manipulative I was being without expending any extra energy. He then became my entertainment. Pushing him away and watching him crawl back to me was hilarious. Then, it got a bit boring, so I decided to officially "date" him. After three days, I broke up with him. I told him somethign along the lines of "Sorry, but, I don't think you're mature enough to handle the sort of relationship I want." He was unbelievably upset. At the time, I felt awesome knowing that I had so much power over another person; however, in hindsight, it was a horrible thing to subject someone to.
EscalatorToHell

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Reply 12 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 06:57:19 PM)
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Quoted from Erags:
Quoted from peach:
edit: Emp has a unique way of getting to a gals heart.
He's bitter because he can't come meet her. UR THE GHEYEST PERSNO EVAR SNDAMIT!!1

PS. karma's a bitch, isn't it escalator?

Quote:
For about a year, I was aware that this certain guy had a crush on me. He wasn't really my type at all, but he was tolerable. I ended up, subconsciously for a while, using him and being a "heartless coquette." You know- flirting, being mad, flirting more, yelling at him, flirting, kissing his best friend, etc. After about 6 months of doing it, I realized how manipulative I was being without expending any extra energy. He then became my entertainment. Pushing him away and watching him crawl back to me was hilarious. Then, it got a bit boring, so I decided to officially "date" him. After three days, I broke up with him. I told him somethign along the lines of "Sorry, but, I don't think you're mature enough to handle the sort of relationship I want." He was unbelievably upset. At the time, I felt awesome knowing that I had so much power over another person; however, in hindsight, it was a horrible thing to subject someone to.


It's different, though. Because I genuinely want to be with him, whereas that guy I talked about in the above quote merely wanted in my pants. Therefore the karma system is different and stuff.

PS. Jake's now begging to talk on a "normal basis" and telling me that it's impossible for me to go back to the "heartless Brittany." Also that he "misses our conversations" etc.
Erags

Comment allez-vous ce soir? Je suis comme ci comme ça

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Reply 13 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 07:48:09 PM)
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Quoted from escalator:
It's different, though. Because I genuinely want to be with him, whereas that guy I talked about in the above quote merely wanted in my pants. Therefore the karma system is different and stuff.
A) How do you know that?
B) It's still pretty similar. Some guy liked you a lot, you fucked with him. You like some guy a lot, he fucked with you.

Quoted from escalator:
PS. Jake's now begging to talk on a "normal basis" and telling me that it's impossible for me to go back to the "heartless Brittany." Also that he "misses our conversations" etc.
Well, that's a pretty assholish thing of him to do. I can't imagine why he'd say something like that, though. Not only has he essentially said that he really didn't care about the conversations, but I also forgot what my second was while re-reading part of your story. Fuck. MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS
EscalatorToHell

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Reply 14 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-07-04 07:53:02 PM)
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Quoted from Erags:
Quoted from escalator:
PS. Jake's now begging to talk on a "normal basis" and telling me that it's impossible for me to go back to the "heartless Brittany." Also that he "misses our conversations" etc.
Well, that's a pretty assholish thing of him to do. I can't imagine why he'd say something like that, though. Not only has he essentially said that he really didn't care about the conversations, but I also forgot what my second was while re-reading part of your story. Fuck. MAGUSMAGUSMAGUSMAGUS

Yes. He basically told me I meant nothing to him, and now he's saying that he can't bear not talking to me.

Fucking douche.
greenidentity
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Reply 15 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 02:47:26 AM)
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Quoted from Erags:
Quoted from peach:
edit: Emp has a unique way of getting to a gals heart.
He's bitter because he can't come meet her. UR THE GHEYEST PERSNO EVAR SNDAMIT!!1

PS. karma's a bitch, isn't it escalator?

Quote:
For about a year, I was aware that this certain guy had a crush on me. He wasn't really my type at all, but he was tolerable. I ended up, subconsciously for a while, using him and being a "heartless coquette." You know- flirting, being mad, flirting more, yelling at him, flirting, kissing his best friend, etc. After about 6 months of doing it, I realized how manipulative I was being without expending any extra energy. He then became my entertainment. Pushing him away and watching him crawl back to me was hilarious. Then, it got a bit boring, so I decided to officially "date" him. After three days, I broke up with him. I told him somethign along the lines of "Sorry, but, I don't think you're mature enough to handle the sort of relationship I want." He was unbelievably upset. At the time, I felt awesome knowing that I had so much power over another person; however, in hindsight, it was a horrible thing to subject someone to.



A little scary, but I was thinking the same thing today.
Let's hear what you think of me now,
But baby don't look up,
The sky is falling.
Air Bud
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Reply 16 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 03:36:19 AM)
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I lost a lot of respect for Jake when he said that he can't bear not talking to you. Up until post #14, Jake was a-okay in my books.

Knowing what I know about you, ETH, from your previous posts about manipulating "boys" I can't help but say that you absolutely deserve this and you need to grow the fuck up before you become a trailer trash golddigging whore.



edited for semantics
Sherlock Homomz: why did you message me
Sherlock Homomz: i dont have any milkshakes if thats what youre after
rchif0: no. i was bored. got off work. am sitting here.
Sherlock Homomz: how many chairs do you use lol
This reply was last edited on 04-08-04 04:25:09 PM by Air Bud.
Stormraider
User is currently banned until further notice.

im gay

Reply 17 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 07:50:22 AM)
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Quote:
Knowing what I know about you, ETH, from your previous posts about manipulating "boys" I can't help but say that you absolutely deserve this and you need to grow the fuck up before you grow up into a trailer trash, faux-emo, golddigging whore.



Fixed.
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Samson

The Sadducee Strangler

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Reply 18 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 10:54:57 AM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:

you need to grow the fuck up before you grow up...

Yep, she sure does. I don't really see what the big issue is, it's not like he got her pregnant. Or did he?
...
Sixten Sparre
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Reply 19 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 11:06:41 AM)
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Whoa......i had my first dream involving INTL, i dreamt that sandamnit changed the smiley in my other post to it's original GIF. form.

Cause i stole it from some other site, and couldn't Leech, so i had to save and upload it myself, and for some wierd reason i can't save GIF.s, they become BMP.s, and as you can see that ain't pretty.....that was wierd
Tazzo
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Reply 20 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 01:21:32 PM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:
I lost a lot of respect for Jake when he said that he can't bear not talking to you. Up until post #14, Jake was a-okay in my books.

Knowing what I know about you, ETH, from your previous posts about manipulating "boys" I can't help but say that you absolutely deserve this and you need to grow the fuck up before you grow up into a trailer trash golddigging whore.


My thoughts exactly.
Erags

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Reply 21 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 07:16:48 PM)
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Quoted from Sandamnit:
Knowing what I know about you, ETH, from your previous posts about manipulating "boys" I can't help but say that you absolutely deserve this and you need to grow the fuck up before you become a trailer trash golddigging whore.
Oh yeah? Well I said it first, I just said didn't want to get into funny insults. fag
Tyr

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Reply 22 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 09:18:32 PM)
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OR it could just be that he really wishes he didn't fuck up and feels like a damnable idiot for acting the way he did.

Also, I'm thinking that feelings usually get articulated the way we are accustomed to. If I'm happy, I'm not going to boot MS Word every time to find a new adjective. Jesus.
Moribus antiquis res stat Romana virisque[/w]
[w]Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
dramamine
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Reply 23 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 09:38:51 PM)
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Quoted from Erags:
PS. karma's a bitch, isn't it escalator?

Quote:
For about a year, I was aware that this certain guy had a crush on me. He wasn't really my type at all, but he was tolerable. I ended up, subconsciously for a while, using him and being a "heartless coquette." You know- flirting, being mad, flirting more, yelling at him, flirting, kissing his best friend, etc. After about 6 months of doing it, I realized how manipulative I was being without expending any extra energy. He then became my entertainment. Pushing him away and watching him crawl back to me was hilarious. Then, it got a bit boring, so I decided to officially "date" him. After three days, I broke up with him. I told him somethign along the lines of "Sorry, but, I don't think you're mature enough to handle the sort of relationship I want." He was unbelievably upset. At the time, I felt awesome knowing that I had so much power over another person; however, in hindsight, it was a horrible thing to subject someone to.

You stole my reply almost word for word, Erags.
Stormraider
User is currently banned until further notice.

im gay

Reply 24 of 85 (Originally posted on: 04-08-04 09:51:02 PM)
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Except yours would have an added "but I'll still fuck you..." while Erags is asexual.
Stormraider- 73.275% of your daily dose of Cynical Jackass!!
Passionate Apathy: Not just a paradox, but a lifestyle.
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