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(Originally posted on: 08-07-15 02:19:10 PM)
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I'm your host, the late great Lawrence G Lawford and we are here tonight to face off in the death match cage event of the century! Our contenders tonight are hungry. They're hungry for that belt and a chance to sit in the oval office for four arduous years. From Marco "America's Son" Rubio to Donny "The Piece" Trump all the biggest contenders have turned out to see who will earn the right to take on Hillary "Big Mama" Clinton in the final showdown. 24 will enter but only 1 will leave!

But before the main event, lets hear from some those contenders and find out what their plans are for tonight's match.
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Reply 1 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-07-15 02:21:43 PM)
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-I'm here in the back with Marco "America's Son" Rubio. I hear you're very angry at some people out in the crowd tonight. Do you care to comment?

Let me tell you something brother -- you want an abortion???? Dooo ya? Well you'd better have been violated violently brother... Because... If not... Youre gonna feel the pain!

-Wow! Some very stirring and frightening words from the man himself.
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Reply 2 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-07-15 06:03:40 PM)
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Honestly I keep trying to do this and it always ends up sounding more like Darth Vader.
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Reply 3 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-07-15 06:05:37 PM)
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I wanted to make some joke which involved the phrase "Ayatollah yo momma" but I couldn't come up with a way to do it that didn't end in "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."
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Reply 4 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-07-15 09:18:51 PM)
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It's funny because wrestling is fake just like these politicians.
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Reply 5 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-08-15 05:41:06 AM)
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I'm going to address Hillary "Big Mama" Clinton. Do you think you could get away with it? I. Know. What. You. Did. At Bengazi! And you'd better pack your bags and move to Iran because I will find you and put the hurt on you! I'm coming for you, Big mama, and there's nothingyoucandoaboutit aaaaaaaaughhhhhhhh
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Reply 6 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-08-15 02:32:35 PM)
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Do you think Iran would have nuclear weapons if I had had the right to use these bared arms? Don't even think about it! The only thing flying more than unmanned drones will be my elbows, when I leap at you off the turnbuckle - and you can let the sound of that keep you up at night, too! Oh yeah!
how is this for a quote
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Reply 7 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-08-15 02:54:30 PM)
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I'm telling you - this weekend is just the beginning. You can send ten, a hundred, a thousand men at me. Women. Children. I'll take them all. Ha ha ha! Teacher's unions? I'll take the ladder to you. When I'm done with you, you won't be able to spell properly. The only letter you'll know is L. For loss! Hoooooooh! I'm just getting heated up. Labour unions? Labour? Unions? When you've pulled on bootstraps as hard as I have, you have guns like these. Oh, you'll wish you'd pulled your bootstraps... because when I'm done with you, you'll wish you had private health insurance. Obamacare isn't going to cover this! Oh no! Ha ha ha!
how is this for a quote
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Reply 8 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-08-15 04:10:01 PM)
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Hasty Penguin
get in the box
People are a danger to society.

there is a guy who gets it on with three girls at once and they all have amazing unibrows

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Reply 9 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-09-15 09:19:58 AM)
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Listen up! I've got a bone to pick - with IS - ISI - ISIS. ISIL? ISIS. IS. Terrorism! Look out! You thought you owned the camel clutch, but when you see me standing alongside Saudi Arabia and Egypt, it's a camel bear trap! ISIS. You thought we were on bad terms, but let the oil flow and we'll see who's power-bombing who! Ain't no getting out of this one, freedom haters. There's more power here than the Mega Powers. There's more money here than the Mega Bucks! It's time to put the TERROR back in the terrorISTS! Don't think we can't. We kept Mobutu in power, so check your backs, or there'll be diamond cutters all day in the squared circle! ISIS. When we get our sights on you, the culpability will be on the drones! Hooah!
how is this for a quote
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Reply 10 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-09-15 09:59:23 AM)
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I've got a message to send to all the Public Schools out there. You better get your act together chumps, and you better do it QUICK. Because brother, if I catch you under-performing on my watch, BOOM, I'll pulverize ya. Teachers Unions? Buster, do you know what I do to Unions? I BUST THEM BACK TO HELL BROTHER. So get your act together fast, because I'm gonna send you down to Charter-Town, and you're gonna feel the pain!
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Reply 11 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-09-15 10:42:38 AM)
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Quoted from CANTSTANDYA:
I've got a message to send to all the Public Schools out there. You better get your act together chumps, and you better do it QUICK. Because brother, if I catch you under-performing on my watch, BOOM, I'll pulverize ya. Teachers Unions? Buster, do you know what I do to Unions? I BUST THEM BACK TO HELL BROTHER. So get your act together fast, because I'm gonna send you down to Charter-Town, and you're gonna feel the pain!


This is actually taken verbatim from Scott Walker's speech when he declared his candidacy.
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Reply 12 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-09-15 03:39:25 PM)
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A witty saying proves nothing - Voltaire
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Reply 13 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-09-15 03:40:11 PM)
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i thought about resizing this image, but i think it is fitting that you can't even see bernie but you can see these vibrant youths
A witty saying proves nothing - Voltaire
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Reply 14 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-09-15 03:58:01 PM)
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Get a bigger monitor
balls
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Reply 15 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-11-15 09:17:41 AM)
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You're looking for a ROYAL rumble? That's un-American! I'm gonna bring you down to STATE LEVEL in more ways than one. What's the state you're in now? I'll pulverize ya! OH NO! Solid to liquid, jabroni! Don't go runnin' scared now. You can run to New York. LA. Houston. New Mexico. Hell, you can run to Mexico Mexico and you can stay there! But you won't be safe from these laws [flexes biceps]!! Once I'm in the ring, you can bet that the referee will be allowed to determine his own rules with his own guns! Arrgh! Huah. Huah. HOOOOOO! A royal rumble. I'll cut the head off this king. There's only one King-maker in this country and that's me! AUGH! Once I'm done poundin' ya, we'll let the state decide who won - but it'll be easy! I'll be standing, and you'll be a puddle of mess. OOoOOOOoooooOOOOH!
how is this for a quote
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Reply 16 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-13-15 09:22:27 AM)
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sing along


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Reply 17 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-13-15 09:26:15 AM)
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Lol and the guy even made a piano version wtf https://soundcloud.com/john-coons/trump-chimes
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Reply 18 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-13-15 07:00:03 PM)
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why do you people dislike trump? what has he ever done to you? be richer?
A witty saying proves nothing - Voltaire
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Reply 19 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-14-15 02:22:40 AM)
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I love Trump. I'm extremely happy about all of this
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Reply 20 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-17-15 11:54:17 AM)
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All right, I tried recording the bit that Nick wrote, but my Mean Gene (which is actually Ted Koppel from my voice, for some reason) voice is much better than my "wrestler" voice, which is just awful, apparently.

Here it is
how is this for a quote
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Reply 21 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-17-15 12:02:38 PM)
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Hahahaha
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Reply 22 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-17-15 04:38:44 PM)
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do more pleas
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Reply 23 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-17-15 04:49:51 PM)
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Quoted from ice wolverine:
do more pleas

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Reply 24 of 30 (Originally posted on: 08-19-15 10:06:33 AM)
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I'm working on it. I'm just dealing with fear that my next attempts wont be as good as my first
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